Need advice

[Depression = 72% of members]

I saw my BPD ex gf about 2 weeks ago, first time in 2 months. She has lost alot of weight and looks sickly. Either health problems or using drugs. Didnt talk to her. Im told rhrough a friend that her psychiatrist wants her to go inpatient (not sure for drugs or mental health or both). I met her psychiatrist while i was with her. Would it be ok to contact her psych? Also she was seen in a bad part of town with a shady guy. I texted her this morning (first time in 3 months). Im trying hard to detach, I dont want to be with her but I dont believe she has anyone around her that cares for her.

[virtus]

I saw my BPD ex gf about 2 weeks ago, first time in 2 months. She has lost alot of weight and looks sickly. Either health problems or using drugs. Didnt talk to her. Im told rhrough a friend that her psychiatrist wants her to go inpatient (not sure for drugs or mental health or both). I met her psychiatrist while i was with her. Would it be ok to contact her psych? Also she was seen in a bad part of town with a shady guy. I texted her this morning (first time in 3 months). Im trying hard to detach, I dont want to be with her but I dont believe she has anyone around her that cares for her.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey virtus-

Would it be ok to contact her psych?

 

Her psych won't be able to discuss her with you due to doctor-patient confidentiality, and at this point it's more beneficial to look at your desire to want to.  You care about her, I get that virtus, and where do you draw the line between caring about her and wanting to be her caretaker?  Did you fulfill the caretaker role in the relationship?

Im trying hard to detach, I dont want to be with her but I dont believe she has anyone around her that cares for her.

Notice you said "cares for" her instead of "cares about" her.  One way to look at it is she's an adult and is responsible for taking care of herself, or not, maybe she looks to others to do that, but sometimes, when someone is left on their own path and it isn't working, the resulting pain is strong enough to get through the defenses and inspire someone to look for help.  It's good she's in therapy, and it's telling that you've heard that the psych thinks she should enter an inpatient program.

So have you looked closely at your desire to help and what that means?

[WoundedBibi]

Welcome Virtus.

Her health is ultimately her responsability. You cannot save her. I understand you feel the need to help. What would be your aim? What would you want to tell the psych? What would you want or expect the psych to do?

Of course the psych cannot and should not give you any information. So let's say you contact the psych and say something like: "I know you cannot discuss your patients with me but I would like to express my concern about my ex. My concern is etc" the most you should get is "thank you for your concern". Is that enough for you?

And what is your concern? She looks sickly. The psych will have seen that too.

So is it the shady guy you want to inform the psych about? And if you do, can you then let it go and leave it in the psych's hands?