Desperate to get out of this relationship :(

[Depression = 72% of members]

My now ex hasn't been diagnosed with BPD but I do believe he has many of the traits. It's breaking my heart. I've tried to leave him so many times. He's assaulted me a few times and the last straw was 2 weeks ago when he actually went to get a knife. He decided that after hurting me... .he was going to go to prison so getting a knife and sticking it in me (his words) would be at least worth going to jail for.

3 years relationship.

I can't begin to explain the countless emails i've received today. First he's sorry and i'm his world and he will accept friendship if I promise not to leave his life. Next he's begging for another chance. Next he's angry. I can't cope and only the past few days I've stumbled across BPD.

I need to end this properly but without causing him any more stress than I need to

[jayjay74]

My now ex hasn't been diagnosed with BPD but I do believe he has many of the traits. It's breaking my heart. I've tried to leave him so many times. He's assaulted me a few times and the last straw was 2 weeks ago when he actually went to get a knife. He decided that after hurting me... .he was going to go to prison so getting a knife and sticking it in me (his words) would be at least worth going to jail for.

3 years relationship.

I can't begin to explain the countless emails i've received today. First he's sorry and i'm his world and he will accept friendship if I promise not to leave his life. Next he's begging for another chance. Next he's angry. I can't cope and only the past few days I've stumbled across BPD.

I need to end this properly but without causing him any more stress than I need to

[fromheeltoheal]

I can't cope and only the past few days I've stumbled across BPD.

Hey JJ-

Welcome!  I'm sorry you're going through that with him.  3 years is quite a while and a relationship with a borderline can be chaotic and crazymaking, which it sounds you noticed.  It's actually exciting that you just stumbled across BPD; the biggest thing for me, before and after I left my ex, was the confusion, like what the hell is going on?  I don't understand this person, and who this 'person' is changes on the fly.  And then I landed here and started reading, and suddenly everything made sense.  That didn't make it OK by any stretch, but at least I now understood, and there were a whole lot of other people going through something similar, both of which made everything better immediately.  Apart from talking to us, there is a boatload of useful information on this site, and I encourage you to read up, keep talking, and then start formulating a plan for getting out of that situation.  It IS possible and everything WILL get much, much better.  Take care of you!

[Jox]

Hi jayjay74,

I just ended a 14 Heard old relationahip. What helped me was:

- focus on yourself, not him or his feelings, but on yours.

- I had access to free support group, and I wented my anger and plotting my exit for 3 months, this helped and so far I am not in mayor emotional pain and confusion.

But more than anything, it worries me the knife episode, please do all possible to be safe!

Take the incident very seriously, and get all help you can think of.

Best to you,

And again be safe

Jox

[Cryin Shame]

After 14 years I finally woke up from my trauma and realized that he would always find a way to have drama and stress - whether I was a part of it or not. I finally decided to take care of myself and my children, and he will have to take care of himself. Please get out of that relationship. You cannot save him, but he can end up destroying you. Please get out now.

[Herodias]

Talk to the domestic violence people in your town. They can help you. Mine pulled knives and guns on me. Also put a pillow over my face and held me down on the floor with his hand over my mouth! I can guarantee you that this is abuse and it only gets worse! Get out now and if you don't and you feel sorry for him with his mental illness, he will respect you less. Read about abusive people. It doesn't matter about anything else but your safety. No one deserves to be abused. Good luck and take care... .

[hibye]

If you meant the world to him he wouldn't have used a knife against you. He is crazy and dangerous. You have to protect yourself.

He doesn't love you, in the way of true love, he may love you in his sick-weird way.

He wants you to satisfy his needs and tries to get you back.

This is not love.

Stay away, maybe next time he'll harm you for real.

[wanttoknowmore]

JayJay,

A small percentage of pwBPD get violent when they are in dysregulated mood... .they temporarily become psychotic and do things that you can't even imagine such as murder.

You need to DISENGAGE immediately and leave the scene quickly if you see the violent mood start erupting. Your life can be in real danger specially with a partner like yours who has this murderous rage. Protect yourself.

However, 90% people with BPD  are not violent... .they get angry verbally and say nasty things ... .many of them don't even get angry outwardly and withdraw and go silent for hours or days as they are trying to suppress their anger... .these are the acting in type.   Yours is much more dangerous as this knife episode confirms it.

[Herodias]

I have to tell you, sometimes mine would not let me leave the house... .it can be really scary! They tell you to have a plan. I had to start keeping car keys hidden somewhere I could get to them fast. All this reminds me of why I should be glad I am out! I wonder how many of these more violent types go on to repeat the violence  with the replacement?