Flashbacks today

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey guys,

I'm not really sure why I'm posting other than I feel like I need to just speak about my day to someone who 'gets it.'  So thanks in advance!  Also, it kind of helps me to reinforce what worked to myself.

So last night, I was browsing stuff online, thinking that I felt like chatting with my friend, but he was busy.  I ended up in a chat room.  I have never been to one before.  My thinking was... .well... .I like posting here on BPDFsite so... .then I also may like chatting in a similar fashion?

Uhh... .noo!  Those people are not chatting anything like here!  I had no idea what I was entering.  After the third perv tried talking to me, I left.  However, the experience really left me in a bad place.  I didn't realize it at the time. 

It all came crashing down on me when I woke up today and my mind entered Alice's land of never ending emotional flashbacks!  How awful! 

So, it is so hard to think when triggered like that... .  I txted my T.  I txted a friend and gave him directions on how to help if he could.  And got some help from another friend in person with a couple of tasks. 

I think it worked out? 

The txts helped me to regain a little focus... .not too much.  The T did not get back to me till after 5... .but I felt good he did.  What was most helpful was enlisting the friend with a few tasks.  Having another person... .live... .in my environment kept me more grounded... .and focused my wandering thoughts better.   

Then I went for a 'jog' (a really poorly done jog)... .  Well... .that was both helpful and awful.  Apparently all the stimulation of my surroundings on the jog... .was causing some really awful emotional and visual flashbacks (originally it was just emotional ones). It felt like an awful torture!  Yet... .moving felt good... .and so did the sense of doing something familiar.  ... oh, I also rewarded my jog with a Slurpee! (Something I NEVER do). The Slurpee and sensation was amazingly very grounding! :D

So end result... .

I was a bit afraid to go to bed. (Which never happens)  Yet, another friend txtd me some which gave me positive familiar thoughts.  So I am feeling quite grateful atm... .as things feel calm and I was thinking just several hours ago that I could be trapped in emotional flashback land for days!  Thank goodness I get relief and peace tonight!

It makes me amazed at how the heck all of us survived such constant stress and fear... .  When just one day today felt like hell!  How did we do that?  I hope this feeling continues to slowly melt away.

[chayka]

That sounds like a horrible experience, Sunfl0wer! But you handled it incredibly well and came out the other side - great job! 

It's not surprising that being in that chat-room was triggering for you. It sounds like a very unsafe and threatening environment. I haven't been anywhere like that online myself, so thank you for the warning! I shall definitely be careful in future.

It's good to hear that, thanks to your skilful coping strategies, you're feeling much better now. That must be a huge relief. I know from experience how terrifying flashbacks can be.

Virtual hugs to you! 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Sunflower, 

I'm so sorry for the emotional upheaval and pain you fell into! An extra   for you. I hate those emotional flashbacks too. They are so unsettling. I've had a number of them myself in the past few weeks with three in the last 2 days. It seems like when I have them, they tend to run together, like dominoes stacked up, one after another causing them to fall. Is that how it felt for you?

Sounds like you did a remarkably good job of reaching out for healthy comfort and help. You dug around in your toolbox of 'self-soothing' tips and used them well!  Did it feel as if you were able to get through the worst of the unsettledness pretty quickly?

I've frequently used Pete Walker's '13 step emotional flashback management'  list as something which helps to ground me when I'm flashing back. The steps become a virtual lifesaver to ground me in reality or point me towards it once again. Have you used his steps before? How wonderful that you have some key contact people in your life to support and assist you in such moments AND that you took the all important step to reach out. For me, reaching out was a big step to help towards my healing.

I'm glad you shared with us here. You are not alone in experiencing such things.


Wools