In my state, my lawyer warned that if I did a Legal Separation and had a favorable evaluation, then later doing a Divorce would reopen/reset the custody issues and the second time around the ex would be more likely to know what poor behaviors to hide better.
I've been here since 2006 and I can't remember anyone here doing Legal Separation though surely there must have been a small handful who did. Only you can decide what is best in your case but I recall my lawyer asking me when we discussed it, "Why would you want to pay twice?" Of course I had a minor child and the custody issue would have been scrutinized twice, once in LS and again in D. I didn't have the money to do that so, knowing (1) my ex wasn't wanting to reconcile and (2) reconciling would put me right back in the fire, I went with divorce. It was rough but at least it was final and let any pretense of a relationship end. Do you have any minor children which would complicate the case?
Some states allow you to start with LS and then switch later to D, but you'd need to have consultations with a few family law attorneys to hear their legal advice and recommended strategies.
Frankly, I think LS is not practical in most cases and might even leave you at some disadvantage, not being together but still married. Do you have religious reservations? Or is it just to avoid his overreaction? I think you'd get the same overreaction either way, after all, you've already moved out, so he has to know the marriage is in trouble.
What are the laws regarding Separation vs. Divorce in your state? I believe in some states legal Separation will protect you from her debts, but not in other states. And then there's the legal obligation aspects with other entities such as the IRS, health insurance policies, trusts, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. It is so sad that a decision whether to Separate or Divorce depends upon these financial considerations requiring consultations with accountants or family law lawyers, but often it does.
Also, just being separated could give friends the impression the separation may only be temporary, and she may be claiming that as well, so they may unwittingly be more inclined to help her, thinking you two will pay your debts jointly later on.
What To Do... . Separation Agreement vs. Divorce?
My lawyer had told me that he has almost never done separations. The reason (in my area) not to do a legal separation with an acting-out disordered spouse is that the first time (separation) you go through the custody process, she may misbehave before the court and evaluator and you will be seen as the better parent resulting in favorable parenting time for you. But if you later decide to take that final step and seek divorce, you may have to go through the custody evaluation all over again and the second time around she may know how to hide her behaviors and she might get more custodial responsibility and parenting time.
