Promiscuity and BPD

[wanttoknowmore]

Confused,

Yes... .its hurtful when a partner behaves like "a slut"   Bigger point is why she is behaving like this.  This is stemming from her core fear of engulfment /abandonment.  This is to self sooth and feel that she is still likable and desired ... .because pwBPD feels unworthy, unlovable and undesirable inside. 

When their emotions go out of control, they want to calm their painful feelings by having quick, sexual encounters ... .And later on they feel worse and disgusted... .some might feel a sense of power and revenge that they got even and hurt you because they think you hurt them and caused

the pain. It depends on pwBPD... .some never go for impulsive  sex but start eating excessively or abusing alcohol to sooth themselves.

Some just go and hide in their room and sleep and come out after hours after they feel emotions have settled down.

[VOASC]

My STBXW had 6 affairs during a 7y 6m period, then blamed me - if you had treated me better I would have never done what I did, then said she did it to punish me when she thought I was somehow letting her down in our relationship.  Even had unprotected sex several times with an ex-IV drug user who had only just gotten out of prison... .

I tried to save the marriage for 2y 6m, but have finally given up on my nasty wife, who is a verbally abusive nut job.  She is OK one minute then in a rage the next... .  Over it, so splitting up.  Happy days ahead... .

[MapleBob]

I think it also might be valid to point out that promiscuity - along with providing validation and "supply" - is also kind of a drug for some people, in that it has anti-depressant and drug-like chemical effects. If you're spinning out in your head and having off-the-charts emotions a little release and escape can be "helpful" (not necessarily "healthy".

[mmsnow03]

My borderline ex was very similar.  She claimed that when she had sex "she could do no wrong" and that she needed someone to be there or she felt lonely.  She claimed to me that often times she didn't want to have sex, she just needed to feel wanted  so she would "leave her body."   She broke up with her other ex boyfriend of 3 years, 3 weeks before she started dating me, and in that time she slept with someone who had no job and lived in their grandmothers because she told me she felt lonely.  She told me she was worried he was going to become her new boyfriend, and I just there sort of puzzled and told her that's not how relationships work, but she claimed to feel "empty" unless she was with someone to make the pain of being alone go away.   She would often try to manipulate me with sex as well, like if I was mad, she would try to initiate sex because once again "she can do no wrong while having sex"

I know how you feel, it's very confusing and gets you really worked up to think about it.

[rfriesen]

My ex was also manipulative with sex, but I don't know how conscious it was. I think it was just her instinctive reaction. Every time I tried to end things, she would rage and shout, then beg and plead, then initiate sex. And it was always incredible. And obviously I was weak - it's not like she had a gun to my head. It was really hard to finally end things, and it took months of intense painful emotional stress. There were beautiful moments mixed in, but that's just how it is.

My ex also said other things that echo many of the comments by others here -- that she couldn't stand being alone, that she always knew she could use sex not to be alone, that she often had sex with guys she couldn't even look in the eye because she didn't feel any connection to them. In fact, she said it was like that with every previous sexual partner ... .but, as with so many things she said, I'm obviously somewhat sceptical of that last statement. But I do think she was being honest that she often had sex with people she felt no connection with, just to avoid being alone.