After 4+ months of NC... guess who is back?

[Invictus01]

Haven't heard from her for almost 5 months nor did I try to contact her myself. Figured now that she is engaged, she got better things to do. So, I'm sitting last night hanging out with my sister, got a text. Didn't get to it right away, checked the phone 20 minutes later. It was her wanting to know how my cat is doing (her number is deleted in my phone to avoid accidental drunk communication but I know whose number it is if I get a text). We exchanged 3 texts each, she told me she was happy we are doing fine, I left it at that. Woke up this morning, there is an email from LinkedIn - "Invictus, people are looking at your profile!" I'm applying for jobs right now, so I figured some recruiter wanted to see my LinkedIn. Checked it out, guess who was looking at my profile? Hint - it was a recruiter.

Just for the hell of it, Googled her name and "wedding", first thing that popped up was their wedding page. Checked it out just for the hell of it. The romantic story says that they met in 2011, stayed "close friends" and when she suddenly had to move for her new job, he realized he couldn't live without her and moved with her and they lived happily ever after. A touching story... .but it was missing a few things. Like... .oh, I don't know... .her cheating on him a year and a half into dating him when she was out of town for a few weeks on a job training... .picking up a STD in the process... .coming back and dumping him because "she realized she missed her cat than she missed him" (at least that was the story I was told)... .within a couple of months replacing him with me... .rebounding with me for 6 months while making it sound like she is finally happy and telling me how she would never go back to her ex who was such a controlling a$$... .dropping me and going back to him, leaving him behind and him having to chase her several states away. But other than that, yeah, it was a true story. Not sure what the dude is thinking but, hey, that's his problem.

Anyway, I am sure she will show up again at some point... .or not... .I am being civil with her, don't say anything rude, but I give her no more than she asking about. She wanted to know about my cat, we talked about my cat and that's it. Done and done.

[rfriesen]

I think that's the only way to respond and keep things sane -- be civil and give no more than she asks for. At least, it fits with my experience. My exBPDgf reached out last Friday, sensing I guess that after a few weeks of NC, I really have decided to let go. She started with "I don't really know why I'm reaching out now and I have a feeling I might regret this ... .", then telling me how I've been on her mind, and she guesses she just wants to wish my family and me a happy Easter. It's just really clear now how she loves to put out those ambiguous/uncertain/vulnerable&confused feelers and see what I make of it. Looking back on our relationship, she was always very skilled at drawing out my conscience, getting me to expose my own thoughts and wishes/joys/hopes/hurts, while carefully guarding her own, except when they flew out in rage or extreme love and idealisation. So in the end I feel I never really got to know her (though in fairness, I don't think she knows herself what she wants deep down -- that's the confusing part in trying to make sense of my BPD relationship ... .I don't think there is anything stable to find deep down in her, at least at this stage in her life), while I handed over to her all the ammunition she needed to dig deep into my conscience.

Interesting aside about the wedding page -- my ex broke off her engagement to be with me, but she already had a wedding page up with her fiancé, telling the story of their love affair, the proposal, their hopes for the future ... .I remember the day I mentioned to her that I saw the site. She said, "That whole site is bulls**t, nothing but lies on it. You really helped me dodge a bullet there." Jesus, in hindsight what  a massive  !

Anyway, so like you Invictus, I was civil and responded within the scope of her email, just telling her not to regret reaching out and that I wished her and her family a happy Easter as well. It felt good in the sense that I had no desire to engage any further than that and I'm sure it was the healthiest way to respond, but the interaction definitely got my mind running back through a lot of the madness of our relationship for the rest of the day.

[Invictus01]

Interesting aside about the wedding page -- my ex broke off her engagement to be with me, but she already had a wedding page up with her fiancé, telling the story of their love affair, the proposal, their hopes for the future ... .I remember the day I mentioned to her that I saw the site. She said, "That whole site is bulls**t, nothing but lies on it. You really helped me dodge a bullet there." Jesus, in hindsight what  a massive  !

Hah, yeah, you helped her dodge the bullet and in return she put a few in you. You are welcome!

I really enjoyed how the dude on their wedding page was described as a "close friend". Really, dude, a close friend? That's how you let her call her? Come on, man, grow a pair of you know whats!