For those of us still struggling

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

This is an affirmation/reference for those of us still struggling (myself included). Feel free to share it on any social media, recovery site, etc. Print it out. Keep it by your wall, mirror, brief case, office desk, etc. My discard left me emotionally and physically drained. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. It's been four weeks of no energy, crying, depression, anxiety, and physical illness. I'm going to use this list as a coping strategy.


-The end of the relationship was NOT your fault. You did everything you could to save the relationship.

-You are a worthwhile person.

-You deserve healthy, stable, and consistent affection and love.

-Your feelings are not right or wrong. They are feelings. Feelings have no morality. They simply exist and you have a right to feel them without judgement.

-Your love for the BPD person was genuine.

-You are not wrong, a fool, screwed up, etc for falling in love with a mentally ill person.

-It's okay to still care about the person.

-It's okay to put your own needs first.

-Your children deserve to have a relationship with you.

-The person is not naturally evil, wrong, etc. They are a mentally ill person. Nothing more, nothing less.

-However, their BEHAVIOR is unacceptable.

-The person with BPD also suffers.

-You have the right to go NC or say "No" if they re-engage you.

-You have the right to re-engage if you choose to and set firm boundaries.

-You have the right to pursue other people.

-You have the right to heal.

-You have the right to LIFE.

-You have people in your life who care about you.

-You are not responsible for the BPD person.

-You are not responsible for the BPD's family or children (if they are not biologically yours).

-You cannot fix the BPD. Even qualified medical experts cannot fix the BPD.

-It does not make you a failure for not being able to fix the BPD.

-It's okay to miss the good times and the person you loved.

-It's okay to feel conflicted.

-It's natural and normal to be angry with false allegations, distortion campaigns, frivolous litigation, etc.

[sweet tooth]

This is an affirmation/reference for those of us still struggling (myself included). Feel free to share it on any social media, recovery site, etc. Print it out. Keep it by your wall, mirror, brief case, office desk, etc. My discard left me emotionally and physically drained. I feel like the life has been sucked out of me. It's been four weeks of no energy, crying, depression, anxiety, and physical illness. I'm going to use this list as a coping strategy.


-The end of the relationship was NOT your fault. You did everything you could to save the relationship.

-You are a worthwhile person.

-You deserve healthy, stable, and consistent affection and love.

-Your feelings are not right or wrong. They are feelings. Feelings have no morality. They simply exist and you have a right to feel them without judgement.

-Your love for the BPD person was genuine.

-You are not wrong, a fool, screwed up, etc for falling in love with a mentally ill person.

-It's okay to still care about the person.

-It's okay to put your own needs first.

-Your children deserve to have a relationship with you.

-The person is not naturally evil, wrong, etc. They are a mentally ill person. Nothing more, nothing less.

-However, their BEHAVIOR is unacceptable.

-The person with BPD also suffers.

-You have the right to go NC or say "No" if they re-engage you.

-You have the right to re-engage if you choose to and set firm boundaries.

-You have the right to pursue other people.

-You have the right to heal.

-You have the right to LIFE.

-You have people in your life who care about you.

-You are not responsible for the BPD person.

-You are not responsible for the BPD's family or children (if they are not biologically yours).

-You cannot fix the BPD. Even qualified medical experts cannot fix the BPD.

-It does not make you a failure for not being able to fix the BPD.

-It's okay to miss the good times and the person you loved.

-It's okay to feel conflicted.

-It's natural and normal to be angry with false allegations, distortion campaigns, frivolous litigation, etc.

[Lifewriter16]

Thanks sweet tooth. There's some good reminders for me in that list.

Lifewriter x

[HarleypsychRN]

Sweet Tooth,

Thanks for those affirmations. I read them and agree... .beautifully said

[Herodias]

Thank you... .they make perfect sense.

[peace74]

Thank-you 

I'm having a hard time and reading this list helps.

[sweet tooth]

No problem, guys. I'm glad I could help. I'm having a hard time right now. Everywhere I look I see my person with BPD:

-In my room where I see an art print her mom gave me.

-In my passenger seat where the glitter is still there from her pants.

-At my friend's apartment where we met (was there earlier).

-Right now I'm sitting in the last place I saw her.

I'm afraid I might run into her right now, but I probably won't. Just being paranoid. Hurts like hell.

[JQ]

No problem, guys. I'm glad I could help. I'm having a hard time right now. Everywhere I look I see my person with BPD:

-In my room where I see an art print her mom gave me.

-In my passenger seat where the glitter is still there from her pants.

-At my friend's apartment where we met (was there earlier).

-Right now I'm sitting in the last place I saw her.

I'm afraid I might run into her right now, but I probably won't. Just being paranoid. Hurts like hell.

Ummm Sweet tooth ... .

A little guidance ... .vacuum up the glitter ... .the next girl you date will see that and won't know what to think!     

GET out of the place you last saw her ... .go for a burger & a beer !    


Great thing you sent earlier ... .well said ... .it not only helps you but you paid it forward to help others ... .well done!   

go see a movie, go for a walk, do something and get out of your place for the evening to stop obsessing over things   

J

Put the art print away or better yet pay it forward and give it to someone less fortunate then you to brighten up their day!   

[sweet tooth]

I'm with a friend. He invited me and I didn't want to say no because of her.

[Herodias]

I redecorated my whole place to get rid of most of the reminders of my marriage. It helps to get rid of stuff if you can... .Stinks to spend the money, but helped me allot! No more "marital bed" that if it could talk- may have many stories I know nothing about! and so on and so on... .I needed a change. Put things away for awhile if you can. I got rid of pictures too. Not all, but allot.

[sweet tooth]

I redecorated my whole place to get rid of most of the reminders of my marriage. It helps to get rid of stuff if you can... .Stinks to spend the money, but helped me allot! No more "marital bed" that if it could talk- may have many stories I know nothing about! and so on and so on... .I needed a change. Put things away for awhile if you can. I got rid of pictures too. Not all, but allot.

I used to look at the pics of us when I was upset. It calmed me down. Now I don't look at them, because they would upset me... .

[APB0613]

awesome post. i think i'll print it out to have at my desk at work. for some reason when i'm at work i think about my BPDexbf a lot. i think it's because i usually work from home but since our split i've had to go into the office.when i'd work he'd make us breakfast and we'd spend my lunch hour together.

[sweet tooth]

^I hear you. Were you discarded?