I'm in a really bad place right now...could use any help.

[codes316]

First off, thank you everyone for being so kind and patient. I think I tend to post on here a lot more when I'm feeling down or sad.

I honestly feel like I'm the crazy one. Sometimes I rationalize the fact that she's normal and I'm the crazy one that can't get over a person that hurts me.

She is an undiagnosed pwBPD. My counselor suggested that she may have or resembles like BPD behavior- So, I don't even know if she has it for sure. Sometimes, I just blame her BPD to feel good about myself.

She left me 4 months ago out of the blue. We fought a lot over trivial stuff- a few times a week when we lived together. She would have crazy mood swings and coudn't control her anger over the simplest stuff- like wearing a bad dress when going out.

I haven't had contact with her for over a month- I blocked her off everything except Snapchat, but I don't view her snaps.

Today I decided to see her Facebook, it is a public profile (I don't know why I did, maybe I felt really sad) and saw she took down all the photos of me with her, but kept all the old photos of the places we been and visited. The best part is she kept pictures of her last boyfriend on there- this is killing me.

I know I shouldn't have looked, but the damage is done. I can't believe she doesn't have the ability to associate memories with me and not feel sad or guilty. It's so weird that she can be normal with her friends, but a real crazy person when you get intimately close to her.

I literally did a lot to make her dreams come true. Taking her to Disney was like a dream for her and I can't believe she still keeps the photos up there, but deletes everything else.

I done everything I can to move on. I saw a counselor for a month straight after the break up. I travelled to see new places. I re-kindled friendships and made new friends. I started going to the gym again. I found new hobbies. I even dated and am currently seeing someone.

I just can't get through this guys, I literally am trying to fight every urge not to leave her a voicemail. I don't if I should tell her she has BPD- I just know I'm frustrated and trying my hardest not leave an angry voicemail.

The sad thing is she was the only person in the world that I was really really close to.

[Herodias]

I saw you responded to me, so let me respond to you... I was told that it is our ego that was hurt. I don't know if it's true, but I can see how for me and it appears you too, they are off with someone else and it feels like they left us for them. Mine asked me to take him back... .but saying it this way " you could take me back?" ... .no apologies and with a pregnant gf. My answer was no. I guess I made the final decision but it doesn't feel that way. I too have worked out, lost weight, gotten a hobby, joined a church (although I have met nothing but crazy people there) and renewed old friendships. I tried to reunite with an old beau whose wife died, but that doesn't seem to have gotten to more than a conversation and a few text messages. You are dating, but it doesn't sound like you are ready for it. We know that you can't expect another person to fill a void, like our exes think. I am 14 months out of a 9 year r/s-marraige... I feel lonely and I am angry and hurt. I don't know what it takes except time I suppose. He made me feel so special and I was so in love with him... .to find out it was all fake or one sided really hurts. I wish I could just imagine he died or something. I hear that is difficult too, because usually you loved that person and it's hard to fill that loss. To know now that love isn't that fantasy relationship we had in the beginning, I wonder if it all seems dull now. Does that make sense? Since the love-bombing they did to us is fake... .what is normal any more? It felt wonderful to be on that pedestal. It's hard to have been pushed off. Oh, and mine took all my pictures down, but still has one of our house. You would think that wouldn't be a pleasant thing to remember either... .I think it's to please the new person to have deleted the pictures. In my case anyway.

[Feelinstronger]

I am truly sorry for your pain.  I was in a five year relationship which he abruptly ended on Christmas.  Very tough indeed.

I too looked at his FB - daily!- and when I saw he has a new female friend - a woman he dated before he met me-my heart broke - again.  Have NOT looked at his FB since - THIS IS WITHIN MY CONTROL.  Yours, too.  Take control, friend.  Its hard, its sad, its painful, but you must do it-for yourself.

Come to these boards when you need support! God bless you.