for some reason beyond my comprehension I go from, "yes she's borderline and cannot be fixed by me or anyone else, she's broken and nothing I can do"
Then it's "Oh my I'm the one who's nuts and if I only did something different things would be different"
I'm wondering why I so like living in limbo between what I know (fact) to what I fantasize (fiction) about.
hi JerryRG
believe it or not, this is a productive place to be. it sounds like youre separating whats hers and whats yours.
a hard truth that i faced is that i most certainly could have done things differently. i probably could have improved at least my well being within the relationship. thats not the same thing as single handedly making the relationship ideal for myself or my ex. a relationship requires two. things might have been different; different can mean better or worse. i wouldnt discourage you from leaning into that as youre the only one you can change but "it could have gone differently" and "i made mistakes" are not the same as the relationship being perfect, or ideal for you, they apply to every relationship. if i recall your story correctly, you walked away. you did that for a reason. relationships end for these reasons. we can always clean up our side of the street. that does not mean the relationship was for us.
in that light, it matters less if shes borderline or not. JerryRG decided the relationship was less than ideal for him. does JerryRG set too high a bar? is he expecting perfection? are his boundaries too rigid or strong, too weak, both? anyone can benefit from asking themselves those questions. as opposed to second guessing yourself, you might ask yourself what you can learn in order to have healthy relationships in the future.
