Any sort of contact is hard hey,

[Ahoy]

So I am aiming for full N/C from my BPD wife, however we are starting the separation/divorce proceedings and my lawyers need some of her details for upcoming transfer of funds.

I've been N/C for a week now and even the simple email to her, with no emotion, requesting some details stirred me up. I'm pretty sure I'm painted the blackest of black as she has fully moved on to her replacement... .perhaps the most upsetting thing was just getting back her emotionless reply to my request. She wants noting to do with me so it also bugs me that I have to break my request for N/C too... .

Something about sending this email just made me appreciate that 6 months ago, before she moved interstate, we were 'soulmates' and now, I am probably less than a stranger to her.

I'm trying to keep positive and remember that I haven't sunk 10+ years of my life into this like some poor people, but I'm finally escaping where I live for a night out and it's really put a damper on my excitement.

I can't bloody wait until all the necessary emails have been sent so I can go full N/C and really start to heal.

For all those struggling with N/C this weekend, stay strong!

[C.Stein]

I've been N/C for a week now and even the simple email to her, with no emotion, requesting some details stirred me up. I'm pretty sure I'm painted the blackest of black as she has fully moved on to her replacement... .perhaps the most upsetting thing was just getting back her emotionless reply to my request. She wants noting to do with me so it also bugs me that I have to break my request for N/C too... .

Something about sending this email just made me appreciate that 6 months ago, before she moved interstate, we were 'soulmates' and now, I am probably less than a stranger to her.

I'm trying to keep positive and remember that I haven't sunk 10+ years of my life into this like some poor people, but I'm finally escaping where I live for a night out and it's really put a damper on my excitement.

I can't bloody wait until all the necessary emails have been sent so I can go full N/C and really start to heal.

For all those struggling with N/C this weekend, stay strong!

I totally get it man.  The ease my ex threw me away still impacts me deeply at 8 months post trash bin.  It really rips you apart emotionally.  Hang in there man, better days are on the horizon.

[HarleypsychRN]

Ahoy,

Yes that is one of the most devastating things about being in a relationship with someone with BPD. The seamlessly way they discard you it's almost defies logic. Mine told me that she loved me (whatever that meant to her) and once I questioned her about her lying, blindsided me less than 12 hours later, going total NC, except for me returning her final things. Her final words... ."see you around".

[Herodias]

I completely understand... .It is awful. The emails and text about separation and divorce turn both people rigid. The communication is not pleasant at all, I know. The closer it gets the harder it is. Now mine is mad... .He is the one that wanted a divorce and now he isn't liking how it is going since he went off and got someone else pregnant and moved in with her. It is not how you behave and he is finding that out. So I am the bad person, so he can pretend he is not. Ridiculous.

[Ahoy]

So I bit the bullet and went through the entire house, I threw out anything that was hers (her tea mugs, her leftover food) and only kept things of value, boxing them up and hiding it away.

What killed me was putting some of her clothes in a box, I caught her scent... .man, that just killed me for a few hours, truly shook my foundations.

I'm glad I used this time feeling a bit down to get this all done, I can't do anything about the bulky furniture, that's always in sight but at least now, when I move in three months, I can know that all of her stuff is out of sight and I won't have any setbacks.

I'm trying to stay positive now, I think someone said fake it until you make it. I'm going back further and further into these forums and I found a page with some positive stories about time healing all wounds... .Thank god for these forums and the people on it, I think I would be lost at sea without this!

It still amazes me how we all know what lies at the heart of our partners, and that we are all educated, smart people and yet all of us to a tee still suffer, overthink (and obsess) about our former relationships and take so long to pick ourselves back up and heal. I truly wish our brains could just override our hearts in this instance and go "You know what, you escaped, well done mate, now go enjoy some pizza and a movie". I know how lucky I am getting out before kids, however as soon as my eyes open in the morning, all the thoughts flood back in... .truly crazy!

[C.Stein]

It still amazes me how we all know what lies at the heart of our partners, and that we are all educated, smart people and yet all of us to a tee still suffer, overthink (and obsess) about our former relationships and take so long to pick ourselves back up and heal. I truly wish our brains could just override our hearts in this instance and go "You know what, you escaped, well done mate, now go enjoy some pizza and a movie". I know how lucky I am getting out before kids, however as soon as my eyes open in the morning, all the thoughts flood back in... .truly crazy!

My thoughts exactly.  Now 8 months after being thrown away and I still feel connected to her at times, and at other times she is like a complete stranger.  Looking back I see she was becoming that stranger during the last months of our relationship, presumably because I had been replaced. 

I do miss the good in her as things were generally good far more often than bad.  At one time I saw a beautiful future together with her but in the end she choose to run to another man instead of fixing the damage she had done.

I am still confused why this relationship has impacted me so deeply and still does.  I assume it is because of the depth I opened up to her, believed in her, loved her.  Still working on the why's and how's.