Behavior during Relationship

[Asylum15]

Hi all,

suffered 4 break ups (from August-December 2015) with a girl who exhibited strong BPD characteristics. She broke up out of the blue all these times because she 'panicked' as she would say herself.

However, not understanding BPD, or that it even existed, I became very angry toward her after our 4th break up. Our 4th break up came 3 days before Christmas, I had so much planned for us, and it was the first holidays I'd gotten from college. I got extremely angry, and it went overboard after she said she just 'didn't want it anymore' so coldly. I called her a ___, spineless, emotionally abusive, you name it. I felt awful for doing it, but it happened more than once. She was so cold, and it felt like she'd just torn my heart to shreds.

She now hates me, and because her abusive father (during her childhood) called her a ___, she never wants to speak to me, and has blocked me. I treated this woman like a princess for 4 months, doing so much to help, after I found out about her issues, and depression.

Just looking for an opinion... .

[lingering]

Maybe you are lucky to be free of her?  Monthly breakups are too painful.  Glad you are here.  I have found great comfort here.  People know what BPD relationships are like here.  It helps with the craziness. 

My best,

Lingering No More.

[WoundedBibi]

It seems as if you were caught together in a pattern of emotional abuse, reinforcing each other.

Her coldness awoke something in you, an old wound? You calling her names opened up an old wound in her. It's not a healthy pattern.

Please make sure you know (or learn) the difference between helping and saving. Saving people will keep you caught in a pattern of getting into relationships with people with a PD.

[stimpy]

Yeah, been there, read the book, got the T shirt etc etc... .

You've dodged a bullet and you are lucky it is over. Now don't let her back into your life, unless you want her world to become your world.

Holidays, birthdays, any event like that are a huge trigger for some pwBPD because it creates uncertainty and can be reminders of their past. So the anger and resentment they feel for previous SO can bubble to the surface and you suddenly get painted black and dumped. And you get dumped out of the blue and thrown under a bus. It is horribly painful and it takes a bit of time to process what happened, but you will.

My situation was very similar, 4 months, 4 splits (sometimes me as the person ending things). Then on her birthday, I get dumped after I'd planned a great birthday for her and something I hoped she would look back on with pleasure and enjoyment. But no, not for her, she preferred the drama and crisis that she created from dumping me and that of course also made her centre of attention as well. Win win.

Except this time I was so angry that I finally let rip and told her the truth about what she was doing.

Oddly I got painted white again, when I told her what she had done was for the best, that she and I should look for different people and stay away from each other to have a good healing process. Then of course she wanted me back, but it was too late and I never fell for her rather sad attempts at charming.

Even now - 10 months later the games continue, but I ignore all her nonsense.

I do miss her, and it still causes me painful thoughts some times, but my rational mind knows to run far and run fast away from her. My emotional mind is getting there, but is a little behind at the moment. But it is catching up and I now can see the level of abuse that she gave me. At the time and when in the relationship, I pretty much couldn't see things clearly. Though I always knew something wasn't quite right.

Count yourself lucky it is done and you can heal and move on.

Stimpy.