That is so awesome!
I'm so glad for you, HurtinNW! It can feel like when my BFF paints me black every person she comes into contact must then also see me as black, it's nice to know some people can look past things and still get to know us without the input from the pwBPD.
May I ask how the meeting came about? Have you two kept in touch since you split with your ex or was it sort of an out of the blue get together?
I hope you get together more in the future! It is hard that we as people who have had difficult upbringings seem to be drawn to people with BPD. Also, the people around them, usually the closer ones, sometimes also have had difficult upbringings and so we find it easy to connect to them. Then when the pwBPD is gone, any and all of these relationships can just sort of vanish.
I told BFF somewhere towards the beginning that her relationships with people are hers and my relationships with people are mine. She was ignoring some friends at the time, but I had no issue with them and they lived closer to me than her so I realized I wanted to maintain those relationships. I didn't need to cut them out of my life just because she did. Also, it wasn't any huge fallout that she had with them, she literally just stopped contact for no reason and left them wondering what happened.
In my situation, there are been very few who keep in contact with me when BFF paints me black. It's not as if they block me on FB and never speak to me again, but their tone towards me changes and they don't keep up with me like they used to. I do sometimes wonder what they think... .I usually do not care much for the people though so I don't really care what they think of me. That kind of changed when she got this newest BF because I really like him and I realized I don't want him to think badly of me due to anything I ever do or say that he doesn't understand (because he doesn't know about BPD). I even found myself explaining something to him about a month ago only to realize she hadn't told him about it so he had no idea what I was talking about, then he said that he isn't like that basically putting my fears to rest that his thoughts and feelings on me are only influenced by his interactions with me.
As far as not talking to him about her... .once she asked me to talk to him basically to tell him she needed to talk to him, but she couldn't start the conversation. He wanted to make sure he hadn't "done something wrong" that he needed to apologize for, which I hated to hear as he's such a great guy and I know when dealing with a pwBPD we can often feel like this. Other than that one conversation I have asked him how she was doing after getting out of the hospital, she hadn't been talking to me so I truly did not know and he made a point to include her in his response so she knew he was updating me. It was good of him and I respected that. Otherwise, I have only said to him two other things... .I felt I needed to say them and I feel good that I did even if they were overreaching. One was that if I ever disappear I didn't go anywhere. With everyone else, I didn't care if they thought I just disappeared and abandoned my best friend, but I wanted him to know this in particular so that if I'm ever needed he doesn't feel like he can't reach out to me. I also told him that if he ever needs to call me in the middle of the night, I don't care when he can. He received these well and said ok, didn't ask further and I appreciated that. I think it's that I wanted someone to tell me that, as when I started seeing things I didn't get I felt so alone. The only feedback from those around me I would get about situations was about how horrible her behavior was and I should stop being her friend. I wish I would have had one person as a support who loved her as I do so that at least one person wasn't telling me to run the other way and never look back.
He and I talk when we are around each other and it's nice getting to know each other. He asks how I am doing, and listens to my answer responding with caring feedback. I ask him about his hobbies and family and we chat about things completely unrelated to her, it's so nice. I actually feel like he's the brother I alway wanted growing up but have no familial ties to call him this. I have told him, and he said it made his day which made me grin ear to ear to have my open honesty be so well received. Generally, people just think I'm weird that I'm so open and honest, and wear my heart on my sleeve. Both my therapist (whom I see to talk about BFF/BPD) and my husband have told me that he is HER boyfriend, and he cannot, therefore, be MY friend. That as soon as they break up, seemingly inevitable sadly, he will want nothing more to do with me. While I can step back and see their point, and know that on some level it is true, I want to believe that if they ever do break up he might still call me his friend as he does now.
