Mother, Sister, Grandmother and Aunts have BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I grew up in chaos.

I didn't understand this chaos until I was in therapy a few years ago, and my therapist suggested that I read "Surviving The Borderline Parent." It was then that I understood my childhood.

My mother would always appear saccharine sweet around everyone else, but when she came home (or hung up the phone) she was very mean to me. She would hit me with hangers if I couldn't find my dad's shirt in a pile of laundry two feet high. She woke me up one morning and tried to drown me in the kitchen sink in front of my sister. She would call me a slut if I wore mascara. She would do everything that she could to control my every thought and move. However, my sister couldn't do wrong.

My sister was a child with a temper from the time she was a baby. She's always been different from me.

My mother couldn't take care of my sister when my dad died, and I got custody of her for about six months until she turned 18.

My sister's symptoms of BPD tore my world apart. She lied about me to everyone who would listen. I still avoid people that I know because she lied about me.

My sister was in the military for a few years, and then she went awol. My sister, She caused so much trouble. Around this time, I found my husband. We got married. She always had to "one up" me. She even went so far as to marry a man she didn't know because I got married, and my family thought it was a great idea. She even replicated my wedding pictures. My grandmother even bought the same exact dress I bought for my bridal shower. I feel so smothered by my family.

My sister was kicked out of the military after I got married. I found out that she had been on craigslist in order to prostitute herself. This may or may not have been the reason she was awol. She called me one night because she wanted to kill herself. Then, one night, I drove 1000 miles to pick her up, and within a few months she got with a man who she told me was abusing her. I have not had contact with my sister in a very long time.


My mother has moved in with her mother my grandmother who controls her through manipulation. My mother just recently got a huge settlement of 30,000 and blew through it in a matter of months. Mom and I got along as well as can be expected until the money came along. After the money came along, my sister came back into the picture (fancy that!). My husband even commented that my mother changed like night and day when the money came along. My mother didn't even spend Christmas with me. Now, my sister and her husband quit their jobs to sell vacuum cleaners door-to-door. I am sure my mother has supported them to some degree. She always does.


I get very depressed around Christmas. Every Christmas is awful. Someone gets in a fight. My mother lives with her BPD mother. She is the victim when she is there. My grandmother controls my mother's youngest sister the most, but they both control my mother. Three of them live together. There is a lot of hoarding. They shop every single day. They stir up trouble among their neighbors. My mother's youngest sister has "imaginary boyfriends" that purchase my grandmother gifts. My grandmother knows they are lies, but loves to see my aunt make a fool out of herself.

My aunt lies about everyone. She starts so much drama with the entire neighborhood. There's always chaos there. She starts so many drama triangles that it's like a prism. It's insanity. But, that's a different post!


I have not spoken to my mother in a long time. I refused to fall into my family's traps this time around. I told mom in December that I needed space. She has been driving by my house daily since then, but we have not talked. I left facebook. I am so tired of all of the family drama. There's just so much. I can't handle it anymore. I want to be free.

But, then I'm left with the FOG. The FOG always brings me back. I always regret going back.

This time, I believe this time away is for real. I am getting help for my own codependancy. I am becoming whole again. I want kids. I don't want my kids to go through this drama. I don't want them to be subjected to abuse. I don't want to repeat the cycle. I also want to take really REALLY good care of me. I choose me! Because it's the only choice that I can make. I don't think I will ever go back. I can't because I have to choose me, and my new life. The past is in the past!

But, the FOG remains.

I hope this post makes sense. There's so much drama that people's head spin when they hear it. I hope to meet more of you out there that understand these situations!

[free2beme82]

I grew up in chaos.

I didn't understand this chaos until I was in therapy a few years ago, and my therapist suggested that I read "Surviving The Borderline Parent." It was then that I understood my childhood.

My mother would always appear saccharine sweet around everyone else, but when she came home (or hung up the phone) she was very mean to me. She would hit me with hangers if I couldn't find my dad's shirt in a pile of laundry two feet high. She woke me up one morning and tried to drown me in the kitchen sink in front of my sister. She would call me a slut if I wore mascara. She would do everything that she could to control my every thought and move. However, my sister couldn't do wrong.

My sister was a child with a temper from the time she was a baby. She's always been different from me.

My mother couldn't take care of my sister when my dad died, and I got custody of her for about six months until she turned 18.

My sister's symptoms of BPD tore my world apart. She lied about me to everyone who would listen. I still avoid people that I know because she lied about me.

My sister was in the military for a few years, and then she went awol. My sister, She caused so much trouble. Around this time, I found my husband. We got married. She always had to "one up" me. She even went so far as to marry a man she didn't know because I got married, and my family thought it was a great idea. She even replicated my wedding pictures. My grandmother even bought the same exact dress I bought for my bridal shower. I feel so smothered by my family.

My sister was kicked out of the military after I got married. I found out that she had been on craigslist in order to prostitute herself. This may or may not have been the reason she was awol. She called me one night because she wanted to kill herself. Then, one night, I drove 1000 miles to pick her up, and within a few months she got with a man who she told me was abusing her. I have not had contact with my sister in a very long time.


My mother has moved in with her mother my grandmother who controls her through manipulation. My mother just recently got a huge settlement of 30,000 and blew through it in a matter of months. Mom and I got along as well as can be expected until the money came along. After the money came along, my sister came back into the picture (fancy that!). My husband even commented that my mother changed like night and day when the money came along. My mother didn't even spend Christmas with me. Now, my sister and her husband quit their jobs to sell vacuum cleaners door-to-door. I am sure my mother has supported them to some degree. She always does.


I get very depressed around Christmas. Every Christmas is awful. Someone gets in a fight. My mother lives with her BPD mother. She is the victim when she is there. My grandmother controls my mother's youngest sister the most, but they both control my mother. Three of them live together. There is a lot of hoarding. They shop every single day. They stir up trouble among their neighbors. My mother's youngest sister has "imaginary boyfriends" that purchase my grandmother gifts. My grandmother knows they are lies, but loves to see my aunt make a fool out of herself.

My aunt lies about everyone. She starts so much drama with the entire neighborhood. There's always chaos there. She starts so many drama triangles that it's like a prism. It's insanity. But, that's a different post!


I have not spoken to my mother in a long time. I refused to fall into my family's traps this time around. I told mom in December that I needed space. She has been driving by my house daily since then, but we have not talked. I left facebook. I am so tired of all of the family drama. There's just so much. I can't handle it anymore. I want to be free.

But, then I'm left with the FOG. The FOG always brings me back. I always regret going back.

This time, I believe this time away is for real. I am getting help for my own codependancy. I am becoming whole again. I want kids. I don't want my kids to go through this drama. I don't want them to be subjected to abuse. I don't want to repeat the cycle. I also want to take really REALLY good care of me. I choose me! Because it's the only choice that I can make. I don't think I will ever go back. I can't because I have to choose me, and my new life. The past is in the past!

But, the FOG remains.

I hope this post makes sense. There's so much drama that people's head spin when they hear it. I hope to meet more of you out there that understand these situations!

[losthero]

The FOG always gets me too!  My mother and sister both have BPD/NPD traits.  They have to have constant drama.  I find myself looking for drama and am working hard to not get sucked into it.  They are both master liars and both have a strong sense of entitlement. They really dont want to solve their problems because then there would be no drama.  We need to take care of ourselves now.  You want to have kids and I do have kids. We need to make ourselves our priority so that we can be good role models for our kids and try to be emotionally stable and healthy.  I write this as an affirmation for us both! 

[free2beme82]

The FOG always gets me too!  My mother and sister both have BPD/NPD traits.  They have to have constant drama.  I find myself looking for drama and am working hard to not get sucked into it.  They are both master liars and both have a strong sense of entitlement. They really dont want to solve their problems because then there would be no drama.  We need to take care of ourselves now.  You want to have kids and I do have kids. We need to make ourselves our priority so that we can be good role models for our kids and try to be emotionally stable and healthy.  I write this as an affirmation for us both! 

This is so true. SO TRUE. We are valuable and worthy of more than these dysfunctional relationships. Not everyone is good for us. We have to be selective about who we let into our lives. I want my future children to be emotionally stable and healthy. I want them to tell people NO if something doesn't feel good to them. I want them to be kind and respectful people.

Our new beginning starts now!