Becoming scared of my diagnosed pwBPD lately.

[Circle]

Hello,

I haven't really been threatened recently per se,

though after a few years of hanging out with my pwBPD, I am starting to get scared of them. I don't know if I am being paranoid, or not. It just came on me rather suddenly about a month ago.

I was triggered by something they did, and expressed that, in a rash way. They were triggered by my impulsive means of expressing, which they interpreted as being 'shaming'. I am aware of JADE, PULVAS, FOG, etc. Not quite sure why, but am suddenly feeling a bit scared and untrustworthy of the person. That anything might be possible. In the past they have threatened me, for simply disagreeing and addressing them, with my concerns.

I'm in a situation, where I am close with the kids too. I'm afraid to lose contact with them, as we have a solid friendship. I'm afraid that I'll create abandonment issues with the children, if I leave the ball in my DpwBPD's court, and they never reach out to me, for visits. And, I'm afraid if I initiate visiting, that I can't trust my pwBPD - that they are capable of anything.

I've often wondered if they aren't on the sociopathy scale too, as they show the three tell-tale symptoms repeatedly.

1.Bad Behavior 2.Lying 3.Plays for pity.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Circle

[Daniell85]

BPD person can get upset very easily, and once they calm down a bit, want you, the person they threatened, to not act you were threatened.

I would say, let the upset calm a week or so, if you already haven't, then reach out if you are worried about the children.

It may be a cause for concern here that if you are truly afraid of the BPD person, to make contact on the basis of their children having abandonment issues at your absence. Is that really the case that they will be scarred by you being more low key or not being around as much?

Your thoughts on that? Are you being co dependent or is there a genuine cause for concern that isn't about your own anxiety/comfort zone?

[Circle]

Daniell85,

Thanks for your reply. You asked a couple questions.

"Is that really the case that they will be scarred by you being more low key or not being around as much?"

My answer: I don't know if it's really the case that they would feel abandoned, if I weren't around as often. Probably not as much as I'm worried about. Kids are resilient and in the moment, not so much focussed on who isn't around. I took precautions early on to establish a clearly understood relationship that wouldn't be mistaken as parenting. So, perhaps in their mind, it would be more like 'Mom's friend just hasn't visited as much lately.' If they even stopped to think about it at all. They have many other people in their lives: grandparents, teachers, students, friends, occasionally Dad, etc.

"Are you being co dependent or is there a genuine cause for concern that isn't about your own anxiety/comfort zone?"

Now that you mention it, I think I am being codependent to some degree. It's probably my own loss, more than anything, that is making this reduction with the kids difficult.

There is a genuine cause for concern safety-wise. She has threatened to call the police on me before, which was triggered by my calmly asking detailed questions. She screamed at me to leave. When I didn't, she threatened me. Of course, in retrospect, I should've just left. Instead, I sat in a chair, not arguing, or anything. This is one example of her impulsiveness.

Another, is that she gets vindictive when she's mad! She distorts whatever situation has happened. She becomes 'a victim' in her mind. Whoever she is upset with, is the abuser. Karpman drama triangle stuff. It's scary though, because she won't let it go for a couple weeks. And, she retaliates by snubbing the other person, cutting them off, etc.

It's freaky, because suddenly I become isolated from her when she is in this mode. I don't know what she is going to do. I don't know what scheme she is hatching in her mind, etc.