Sharing my story.

[Dhand77]

My BPD story.

Hi everyone, as a recent victim of a BPD break up. I just want to tell my story and hope and pray, I'm not crazy.

About a year before I met her, I moved back home to help my Mom raise my (at the time) 1 year old nephew. My dad walked out on me at a pretty young age, and it killed me to see my brother do the same thing. So, back home I went.

We met on an online dating website. She had 3 kids, and just got out of a 6 year marriage with a heroin addict. She had also moved back home to live with her mother(who is an alcoholic), her sister(who was and continues to be a prostitute) and another sister that abuses prescription drugs. She initially came across as the sister that was "trying to achieve", she had just graduated college and legitimately seemed like she wanted to rise above the life she had.

So, we meet, and at the end of our first date, she wanted to me to come home with her. I was flattered, but it felt way too soon. The date was one of the best first dates I've ever been on. To make matters even stranger, she revealed that she was also going to start working at the same courthouse I worked in, as the Nursery attendant. I became quickly swept up in "this is destiny" and "this is meant to be". Date two, we had unprotected sex.

Now, since I was at home, again living with Mom and raising a child together. I know, weird. Mom and I worked out an "every other weekend" agreement, so we could both maintain social lives and relationships. My uBPDex was well aware of this living agreement and showed no trouble with it what-so-ever. And everything seemed great.

Now, in retrospect, I should have noticed the mirroring. When I'm really into a girl, I draw pictures. It's the one thing I'm really good at, and I like to use them to impress a new girl. She would draw ME pictures as well, and I was always certain she traced them. Since she stated prior, that she had no artistic skills. I'm into comics and and Sci-Fi, she was suddenly into comics and Sci-Fi. I only wear particular brands of sneakers, she would only wear those brands.

She was the Waif, she never showed anger. She never fought. If I asked her to speak up, because she mumbled she ":)idn't want to NOT be herself". She was the victim in every single one of her relationships and over the course of 4 years, I watched her systematically turn her back on EVERY family member that would help her. Her mom, her sisters, her aunts. Every one of them she accused of doing some terrible thing to her so she had an excuse to no longer talk to them.

Since we worked at the same building, I saw her EVERYDAY for breakfast and lunch, and we would get together every other weekend because of my commitment to my nephew and my family. She never pushed trying to be part of my family. Never wanted to meet my family. Never wanted to meet my friends. She only ever wanted me to bring my nephew to her house.

Typing this all out, it feels super dysfunctional. But it worked for both of us, with both of our commitments to our kids. I told her I loved her, and for four years it was amazing. I was attentive. I was loving. I came to her aid whenever she needed me, which was often. I gave her comfort. I never cheated. I never strayed. Even when she would ask about girls on my social media page liking my pictures or leaving comments.  She always gave the vibe that she liked the space(but I supposes that was more mirroring now) I always had her back, until one day we had a disagreement about her Ex-husband. The triangulation, I told her it made me uncomfortable that she just HAD to tell me every nasty comment her Ex made about me. That's when the distance started. Whenever I was with her after that, she would accuse me of not having her back, despite my protests otherwise. Then I asked her if "she was in love with drama?" She withdrew further. And then to make matters worse, for Christmas I bought her a drill, along with a bunch of other great gifts. But, as a single mom, she should have a drill in the house for emergencies. I grew up in a very DIY, fix it yourself kind of house. And even worse, I fell asleep early on New Years Eve. You would have thought I killed a puppy or something.

That was it. 2 weeks after Christmas, she broke up with me. Refused to speak to me. 5 days later, she was sleeping with another man. 5 weeks after that, she broke up with him, after he told her he loved her. A week later, she was sleeping with a man at our job I never got along with. Another week later, she stopped talking to him and started sleeping with one of the janitors. Her actions were devastating. I thought I was going to grow old with her, and she discarded me, treated me like trash, refused to speak to me and began sleeping around. She pulled the lets be friends thing and I told her no. So I went No Contact for my own sanity. I changed my lunch hour to avoid her. She started showing up on my floor at work. Approached and touched me in the lobby. So I took a week vacation. When I came back, I found out she was friending my co-workers on FB, when they refused her requests she painted them black. She began smearing my name in work. I foolishly broke contact and informed her that I think she has BPD and to leave myself and my co-workers alone.  She gas lighted me, called me crazy and threatened me with a restraining order when I'VE BEEN THE ONE AVOIDING HER.

I was a really good boyfriend. 2 days before she broke up with me, I bought her flowers and thanked her for being in my life. Not because I was "in the dog house" but because she seemed distant, and I wanted her to know I'll always be there no matter what. 2 days later she threw my heart in the trash.

There's soo much more and this is a Reader's Digest version. It's been a rough three months. I duck and dodge her constantly. Blocked her on social media and email. In my 38 years, I've always maintained a great relationship with ALL of my exes. But this has been like nothing I've experienced.

Hi, I think I fell victim to a break up with a BPD waif.

[Dhand77]

I feel like I'm leaving so much out. She didn't have any female friends. She only had male friends. She would secretly text other guys. She had a hardcore pot smoking problem. She always had headaches or some strange ailment a doctor couldn't figure out. She would neve say "good morning" just bombard me with her problems. She would use me constantly to make he ex husband jealous by telling him I was better in bed or my junk was bigger than his. She would fist fight her sisters. She would cause drama with her sisters and immediately want to have sex afterwards.

There's just so, so much. But finally sharing this story is really bumming me out.

[Dhand77]

I'm sorry, I feel like I've done a really poor job at explaining my story. I wish I could just delete this thread.

[WoundedBibi]

I'm sorry, I feel like I've done a really poor job at explaining my story. I wish I could just delete this thread.

Are you a perfectionist by any chance  ?

Don't worry about it, you don't have to explain everything in one go.

[Herodias]

We understand here... , there are usually tons of stories... , too many to post. You're in the right place to vent. Sometimes I think we need to get these stories out somewhere because they seem unreal. You can't just tell anyone about it all! Keep posting, it's tough and takes time. Once you get out of the fog, you will begin to see things clearer. We will never totally understand them, but we can learn from each other. Hang in there... .

[Dhand77]

I'm sorry, I feel like I've done a really poor job at explaining my story. I wish I could just delete this thread.

Are you a perfectionist by any chance  ?

Don't worry about it, you don't have to explain everything in one go.

Lol. Hardly, I kinda wish I was. I just wish I could tell the whole story more eloquently. After reading it, I felt like I left so much out and after 3 months, I'm so tired of replaying it all in my head and constantly ruminating. I'm still flabbergasted by her coldness, her lack of remorse. Her callous actions that feel like they are done for no other reason than to hurt me. I felt like I was the best boyfriend version of me I've ever given to a girl. I learn so much for every relationship and try to apply it to the next one. But this, this has left me with so much self doubt, it's startling. The hurt, the pain, the emotional anguish. I've never experienced this. I thought I was going to be with her until the day I die. Now, now I just want to hate her until the day I die.

I don't know why, but I just want the validation of turning her away when she tries to recycle me. If she tries to recycle me. No one I ever had a relationship with has ever done such a cold, thoughtless thing like this. I was such a good person to this woman. 3 months after the break up, and it STILL makes me tear up thinking about it.

[Dhand77]

And yet, no matter how much I hate her right now. I miss her in the most unbearable way. It's so conflicting.

[Herodias]

You miss the good stuff. Unfortunately the bad out weighs the good and there is nothing we can do to keep them in that good phase. My exes own Mother prefers to remember him when he was young and a good child. She can't bare to think of all of the bad ways he behaves now.