Roller Coaster almost killed me.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

I am a girl, 26 and been in a relationship with a BPD 24 yrs old boy for more than a year.

We started pretty cool, both professional and intelligent, physically attracted and emotionally open. Until the first shot after a couple of weeks that he hung up on me because I didn't tell him what my girlfriend just texted me!

Time went by and I was more shocked that why I can not find a pattern in his behavior, I invested great amount of time and energy reading books and watching videos, about men, relationship, psychology and ... ..

Meanwhile, he was just breaking up and making up every 3-4 weeks. It was at some point after 3 months of dating that he started to take me for granted, anything I was doing was my duty to serve him, why? because I was madly in love with him and couldn't survive without him! That's of course what he believed, I was just wondering why I can't solve this problem? His was more of a puzzle to me than a romantic partner. He was mostly cold and emotionally unavailable, but sometimes he acted like a total gentleman, and that was the starting point of a new analysis cycle for me to find out what triggered him to do so, I was hoping to find this secret formula and build the fairytale! huh!

I left my job as I was so pressured at work and mentally, he was not at all supportive and constantly tried to kill my self-esteem by neglecting me. At some point after the loss of a family member, I realized he will be the last person that I ask help even if am about to die!

Last 6 months has been a period of me getting more neutral and he mastering his abusive behavior. Several break-ups and massive resentment leaded to this point now. That after he clearly told me that he is not serious about us, I finally felt I can detach. I had all these 10 false believes and I am trying so hard not to fall back again, although he wants me there and just agreed to stay away for a while. I need to get my power back and I really want to be that energetic happy healthy girl I used to be... .please help me with any advises.

[miss_sunshine]

Hi all,

I am a girl, 26 and been in a relationship with a BPD 24 yrs old boy for more than a year.

We started pretty cool, both professional and intelligent, physically attracted and emotionally open. Until the first shot after a couple of weeks that he hung up on me because I didn't tell him what my girlfriend just texted me!

Time went by and I was more shocked that why I can not find a pattern in his behavior, I invested great amount of time and energy reading books and watching videos, about men, relationship, psychology and ... ..

Meanwhile, he was just breaking up and making up every 3-4 weeks. It was at some point after 3 months of dating that he started to take me for granted, anything I was doing was my duty to serve him, why? because I was madly in love with him and couldn't survive without him! That's of course what he believed, I was just wondering why I can't solve this problem? His was more of a puzzle to me than a romantic partner. He was mostly cold and emotionally unavailable, but sometimes he acted like a total gentleman, and that was the starting point of a new analysis cycle for me to find out what triggered him to do so, I was hoping to find this secret formula and build the fairytale! huh!

I left my job as I was so pressured at work and mentally, he was not at all supportive and constantly tried to kill my self-esteem by neglecting me. At some point after the loss of a family member, I realized he will be the last person that I ask help even if am about to die!

Last 6 months has been a period of me getting more neutral and he mastering his abusive behavior. Several break-ups and massive resentment leaded to this point now. That after he clearly told me that he is not serious about us, I finally felt I can detach. I had all these 10 false believes and I am trying so hard not to fall back again, although he wants me there and just agreed to stay away for a while. I need to get my power back and I really want to be that energetic happy healthy girl I used to be... .please help me with any advises.

[heartandwhole]

Hi miss_sunshine,



Welcome to bpdfamily. My heart goes out to you. The highs and lows of the roller coaster you describe can take a toll on us, and ultimately cause so much pain. I'm sorry you have been going through that. I have been there, too, and it's very hard.  

There is hope, miss_sunshine. Things really DO get better. It takes time, patience, and compassion to recover from such a relationship. It isn't easy, but you can do it. We are all here to help. It looks like you have already found some of the resources on this site. The 10 Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck is one of my favorites. It really helped me after my breakup.

There are plenty of workshops here that can help us heal as well: Self respect and our sense of ourselves

Do you have supportive friends and family whom you can lean on, miss_sunshine?

Keep writing, it really helps. We're here for you.  

heartandwhole

[wanttoknowmore]

That sounds like classic BPD behavior... .this proves once again that BPD happens to both men and women. The impression among public that BPD is a womens diorder is clearly wrong.

The Non partner feels the same whether men or women... .confused, anxious, frustrated by push-pull and a strong downward punch to self esteem.  Fortunately, after ending this type of r/s the self esteem mostly returns back to the normal in a few months. Best wishes. Stay on these boards... they are life savers.

[Yaryar87]

Hey there, sorry that you're going through this.  What he is doing is called recycling.  The constant break up and make up is awful.  My ex would do the same, start off by saying he loves !e and is sure he doesn't want to be with me to he's not sure and breaking up with me every month sometimes twice in one month.  Recycling gets worse after each breakup.  I had resentment like you did.  I wish back then I knew about recycling and I wish I would have established boundaries.   Every break up is so painful and at first making up seems amazing because it takes away the pain.  But he is going to repeat the same patterns and you'll end up resenting yourself more because you feel helpless and loss of control. Someone asked me this question as to why I would go back to him every time.  I was able to figure it out and realized never again.  Now it's a good time to look back and see why.

[NCEA]

Great that you found this place.   

What is there to say really... .cut him off, don't date until you feel ready, and then start all over again. Keep reading stories in the forum, it will reinforce in you that he won't change. Never.

Good luck