first post.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

  To those here,

  I'm extremely greatful for all information and stories found throughout this forum. Before coming across this i literally had no clue it has really opened my eyes  it has been an integral part of my healing process. I think I'm finally starting to understand some things are totally out of my control. Thank you.

  When i began reading this stories i was in shock almost like someone was writing about me. What a unbelievably cruel disease this is,  it was like someone nursing you back to health only to destroy you once you can walk again.  However I'm not a perfect person but nobody deserves to be snared by these empty pits of despair.

   I really wish i had more insight before, but you live and learn. This was over only 2 months. When i was witness to the first rage episode... .utter shock. It was seeing a horror movie someone possessed. I knew i was in for all hell. It was already too late. I immediately began game planning an exit . Understand I was very young and tricked.  I ran. I'll spare horrible details but this included false accusations, physical/emotional abuse, massive smear campaign, courtroom drama , constant threats. It's incredibly sad but as time passes you realize they are ill they can't control themselves they are sick.

  Fast forward few years,  i finally began coming out of the depression. Still only in my early 20 s new city new start. Started a new job everything looking up. Enter dream girl. Like a gift from above drop dead gorgeous and instant intense chemistry.  I was still wounded from the past so i was very guarded but she girl just did everything right, actually perfect. Like my dad told whats too good to be true probably is. This was so uplifting for me at the time we all know the fantasy they can provide it's easy to be blinded.  There was multitude of red flags i ignored,  damn. I began investing emotionally. My mistake.  Things escalated extremely fast over next 2 years , brought into my family,  future plans laid out and baby names picked out. Almost  as soon as the rings were bought.  The  the switch happened. Literally overnight at the peak of whay this relationship building towards,  you can't come home anymore. The night before ended of talk about family. Now i can't talk to you no explanation?  Almost like she got her trophy made you show commitment then toss you to thr curb.  Heart broken and unable to understand how someone can plead that they need me love me marry me.  There's no way thevmost talented actor coukd hold character this long. Right? I believed her. Why would someone purposely walk you through the desert to water just to drown you?

even literally once threatened suicide if we couldn't be together. All while knowing my situation and how hard it's been for me to trust again.  I sat back hoping this was just stress or something.  She would contact me over the next 2 months as if nothing happened i was still felt deeply gor her so i went all with it. It was like drug addict at this point she would give just enough to stay hooked. Why i did i don't know.  I knew she was lieing i just didn'twant to believe it.  I guess once the new host was broken in she fully disappeared again. Such a confusing feeling for me , drained and defeated. All while to them your erased and served your purpose. Zero remorse. Of course they make sure u know how happy they are with the newest.  Sick and twisted.

After months of working on myself I've cone to realize these people are ticking time bombs. The build of pain guilt lies all the damage they have caused. Will manifest itself in them and eventuallythey will explode. I'm thankful I've gotten out the blast radius. 

[thatwaseasy13]

  To those here,

  I'm extremely greatful for all information and stories found throughout this forum. Before coming across this i literally had no clue it has really opened my eyes  it has been an integral part of my healing process. I think I'm finally starting to understand some things are totally out of my control. Thank you.

  When i began reading this stories i was in shock almost like someone was writing about me. What a unbelievably cruel disease this is,  it was like someone nursing you back to health only to destroy you once you can walk again.  However I'm not a perfect person but nobody deserves to be snared by these empty pits of despair.

   I really wish i had more insight before, but you live and learn. This was over only 2 months. When i was witness to the first rage episode... .utter shock. It was seeing a horror movie someone possessed. I knew i was in for all hell. It was already too late. I immediately began game planning an exit . Understand I was very young and tricked.  I ran. I'll spare horrible details but this included false accusations, physical/emotional abuse, massive smear campaign, courtroom drama , constant threats. It's incredibly sad but as time passes you realize they are ill they can't control themselves they are sick.

  Fast forward few years,  i finally began coming out of the depression. Still only in my early 20 s new city new start. Started a new job everything looking up. Enter dream girl. Like a gift from above drop dead gorgeous and instant intense chemistry.  I was still wounded from the past so i was very guarded but she girl just did everything right, actually perfect. Like my dad told whats too good to be true probably is. This was so uplifting for me at the time we all know the fantasy they can provide it's easy to be blinded.  There was multitude of red flags i ignored,  damn. I began investing emotionally. My mistake.  Things escalated extremely fast over next 2 years , brought into my family,  future plans laid out and baby names picked out. Almost  as soon as the rings were bought.  The  the switch happened. Literally overnight at the peak of whay this relationship building towards,  you can't come home anymore. The night before ended of talk about family. Now i can't talk to you no explanation?  Almost like she got her trophy made you show commitment then toss you to thr curb.  Heart broken and unable to understand how someone can plead that they need me love me marry me.  There's no way thevmost talented actor coukd hold character this long. Right? I believed her. Why would someone purposely walk you through the desert to water just to drown you?

even literally once threatened suicide if we couldn't be together. All while knowing my situation and how hard it's been for me to trust again.  I sat back hoping this was just stress or something.  She would contact me over the next 2 months as if nothing happened i was still felt deeply gor her so i went all with it. It was like drug addict at this point she would give just enough to stay hooked. Why i did i don't know.  I knew she was lieing i just didn'twant to believe it.  I guess once the new host was broken in she fully disappeared again. Such a confusing feeling for me , drained and defeated. All while to them your erased and served your purpose. Zero remorse. Of course they make sure u know how happy they are with the newest.  Sick and twisted.

After months of working on myself I've cone to realize these people are ticking time bombs. The build of pain guilt lies all the damage they have caused. Will manifest itself in them and eventuallythey will explode. I'm thankful I've gotten out the blast radius. 

[Stripey77]

Welcome on board thatwaseasy 

I have only just started posting this week as well and am already finding it a massive support and comfort. You are not alone on here, far from it. and it's safe to say, we all understand how we are each feeling, because we've all gone through it.

Ticking time bombs is right, and it is so very sad. But more sad for those with the BPD, because they have to live with it as a permanent part of themselves. We can heal.

The only way now, is up.

[thatwaseasy13]

Thanks stripey. It's alot easier with an understanding of what the illness is. It is very sad.

What is the effect of this on a child's pysch?  It's painful to witness such destruction surrounding a young developing mind.

[heartandwhole]

Hi thatwaseasy13,



I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup, you have gone through so much. I really resonate with your sort of falling into the second relationship. I think many of us were in a vulnerable and not so great state when our relationships with pwBPD started. At least, I feel that was the case with me. I know the shock of the sudden turnarounds, those were always the most painful for me. You are not alone here.  

It sounds like your partner got very scared at the growing intimacy between you, culminating in engagement. Remember, the closer the relationship, the more the pwBPD will fear abandonment and engulfment, which leads to the sudden change in behavior. These are survival coping mechanisms that, believe it or not, aren't personal. They will happen with anyone that the pwBPD gets that close to, until and unless the person learns to manage their reactions better. In the meantime, we, as partners, have our own issues that matched perfectly to create this perfect storm of hurt. But there is hope and things really DO get better, thatwaseasy13. They did for me, and they can for you, too.

Do you have supportive friends and family whom you can lean on at this time? What kind of self-care are you practicing right now? Sleep, exercise and support are so important.

Keep writing, it really helps. So many members have been in similar situations. And this site has excellent resources to help you recover.

We're here for you.  

heartandwhole