Dizzy

[rarsweet]

Has anyone had so many good changes after leaving a BPDex that you just get dizzy with it all?

[eeks]

Hi rarsweet,

Change in my life tends to be slower, although I think I relate to the idea of being overwhelmed by opportunities, a space opening up in my life that's foreign to me, new, I don't know how to navigate it.

Were you just wondering if anyone could relate, or hoping for suggestions on how to stay grounded and really take in all the changes, allow yourself to receive the good things?

eeks

[fromheeltoheal]

Off balance and temporarily ungrounded are probably better descriptors than dizzy for me, although I can relate rar.  For me, once we're given the gift of the spotlight a borderline can shine on our core issues, the things we may not have been aware of, just because, or we were in deep denial, or we'd been successfully outrunning them for years, my go-to method, we then have an opportunity to address them, or push them out one way or the other again.  For me, addressing them became the only option I was willing to tolerate; for me it has been self-abandonment, pure and simple.  And re-owning ourselves, eliminating naivety, and changing some fundamental beliefs about ourselves create a ripple effect through our entire lives, and that can leave us excited, empowered, ready to change everything at once, having lightning-bolt aha's all the time, a great buzz really, but also feeling off balance and ungrounded a little, cuz it's a brand new world.  Another major shift has been instead of chasing the thrill all the time, the bliss, settling into serenity has become more important, more fruitful, so slowing down and being, not doing, is the new focus.  That works for me, when I'm successful at it, still new and I falter, but becoming grounded on our new ground is something we do, an action, even if that action is just a settling.  Me likey.

[rarsweet]

Since our break up I have worked very hard. It seems doors keep opening for me and sometimes I wonder if I am taking on way too much. But it's like a starving person having food put in front of them. 19 months ago I was facing a restraining order, had my 7 week old nursing baby taken, had everything I owned stolen including my older kiddos baby books, walked into an apartment of just curtains, was a struggling single mom going into therapy and diagnosed with PTSD. Today I have 2 jobs, was just offered and took another job that is what I am experienced in, so leaving my current second job, still nursing my 21 month old who is with me every day, 1/3 of the way to a bachelor's degree with a 3.84 GPA, 5 months away from a paralegal certificate as well, on the Board of Director's for a parenting education and child development program, co facilitating a sex ed program in our schools, heading a townwide art project, volunteer on a committee in our school district to change our curriculum, speaking at a statewide presentation on Tuesday about 0-4 year old's need for education, and it seems like the opportunities just keep rolling in. I am overwhelmed at how different my life is. Sometimes I am afraid it will all just disappear.

[gotbushels]

Gosh rarsweet 

What a laundry list of good things:) Congrats on your skyrocket move into so many wonderful and fulfilling achievements. Enjoy your good things and please don't forget to stay grounded when the situation calls for it.

Regarding your original question, not dizzy, but occasions of prolonged and satisfying physiological relief.

[fromheeltoheal]

Nice rar!  You've got a lot going on and a lot to be proud of; good for you!

Sometimes I am afraid it will all just disappear.

Me too, or that it will all fall apart, but that's OK, because to me we're living all the way, which is a lot better than tiptoeing around in fear or mired in dysfunction.  Giving it our all and failing once in a while is a hell of a lot better than not trying, he said from experience with both.

[doubleAries]

when I moved out over 3 years ago, I recall coming home from work and literally just sitting on my couch in wonderment, hardly able to do anything at all, because I was overwhelmed by "the whole thing". The "what the heck was I doing?" parts, the "WOW, look at all the things I can do now!" parts (including just little things like make noise, read in bed without getting chewed out, decorate my house how I wanted to, keep things clean, etc) just the whole thing. And I don't feel as overwhelmed by that all now as much as I did then, but I still feel it.

[gotbushels]

when I moved out over 3 years ago, I recall coming home from work and literally just sitting on my couch in wonderment, hardly able to do anything at all, because I was overwhelmed by "the whole thing". The "what the heck was I doing?" parts, the "WOW, look at all the things I can do now!" parts (including just little things like make noise, read in bed without getting chewed out, decorate my house how I wanted to, keep things clean, etc) just the whole thing. And I don't feel as overwhelmed by that all now as much as I did then, but I still feel it.

Reading this made me so happy and relaxed haha. I like no longer being the BP's domestic helper. An unpaid one no less.