NEED HELP D TAKING US TO COURT

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

HI EVERYONE. LOOKING FOR HELP D IS TAKING US TO COURT SAYING WE HAVE ABUSED HER IN PAST AND CURRENT SHE IS TRYING TO KEEP US AWAY FROM OUR 2 GC GIRL 4 BOY 2 MONTHS DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD INFO I COULD PRINT OUT ON BPDS AND THEIR TRAITS SPECIFCALLY THERE LYING AND EXAGERATIONS AND DISTORDED THINKING THANKYOU   

[mggt]

HI EVERYONE. LOOKING FOR HELP D IS TAKING US TO COURT SAYING WE HAVE ABUSED HER IN PAST AND CURRENT SHE IS TRYING TO KEEP US AWAY FROM OUR 2 GC GIRL 4 BOY 2 MONTHS DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY GOOD INFO I COULD PRINT OUT ON BPDS AND THEIR TRAITS SPECIFCALLY THERE LYING AND EXAGERATIONS AND DISTORDED THINKING THANKYOU   

[lbjnltx]

I'm sorry to learn this mggt.  :'(

Here are some of the clinical descriptions of BPD:

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm

While they do not mention lying per say, they do describe the emotional reactivity and distorted perceptions a person with BPD experiences (amongst the other criteria for the disorder).

I hope all goes as well as it can in court.



lbj

[bpdmom1]

Oh no!

Sounds like a really tough situation to be in.  I feel for the kids.

Keep us updated.

[mggt]

UPDATE Daughter and bf both put a restraining order on us.  Went to court to deny the acccusations in the tro saying we have abused her we hired lawyer .  Now we have a hearing at the end of june because we would not sign and agree to the accusations against my h and I.  MY questions is we have tons of police reports from the past from over the years that police were called her due to her physically attacking us can I use these in court to prove we were the ones being attacked not her being attacked I brought this up with our lawyer and he said judge will not allow this .  btw this is in rhode island our l said the judge will just feel bad for her ? We really dont understand this any info or advice is welcome thank you

[Gorges]

please hire a good lawyer.  We found that the law was much too complicated for people to navigate on their own. 

[ForeverDad]

Hard to imagine you can't use a history of prior police reports to defend yourselves.  This may be an aspect of the concept that each case stands on it's own and should not be influenced by other factors.  My suggestion is to ask lawyers if there is any way and under what circumstances prior history can be included.

In my mind her making allegations from years past would Open The Door to enable you to also cite past history as well.  That is a strategy to seriously contemplate.  You might need to interview a few lawyers to be sure you're not getting too-conservative advice.  You need a (criminal?) lawyer who's able and willing to go that extra mile.  You need one who won't see you as repeat offenders (perps) and will vigorously defend you.

Even if all the lawyers say prior incidents can't be used in court (despite her claim including "allegations" from years past!) I would think you could, if on the stand, start saying you have XX police reports from the past where you had to call the police on her.  Worst they can do is have the prosecutor Object and the judge Sustain.  I think.  We here are peer support, not lawyers.

Has she ever filed for TRO's against other people?  Find out.  If so, then that may be basis to tell the court she is abusing the court system to punish or retaliate against people she gets angry with.

Also, if they've both made written complaints, review them to determine whether any of their claims clash.  Often they get themselves tripped up with all the lies and say things that conflict with their statements, if not on the written reports then on the stand or depositions.  If you can demonstrate some lies or changed stories then you may be able to convince the court that all their claims are weakened (not credible) and the case gets dismissed.  (Of course, then you'd have to be doubly sure any future interactions are recorded and witnessed so they can't lie and do this to you again.)

If it weren't your daughter and if it weren't your prior relationship with 2 grandchildren at stake... .One possible solution could be to present to the court a mutual NC order where no guilt was admitted, no finding of guilt and the order couldn't be extended.  (That's a deal my lawyer worked out in my divorce when my lawyer was able to limit the extent of my Ex's civil court complaint.  But at the same time I was able to get a parenting order over in divorce/family court.  As my lawyer asked me of my Ex, "You don't care to see her, do you?  This way she 'wins' her order for a few months without you admitting anything but you get to see your son through the other court."

[ForeverDad]

D IS TAKING US TO COURT SAYING WE HAVE ABUSED HER IN PAST AND CURRENT SHE IS TRYING TO KEEP US AWAY FROM OUR 2 GC GIRL 4 BOY 2 MONTHS... .

UPDATE  Daughter and bf both put a restraining order on us.  Went to court to deny the accusations in the tro saying we have abused her.  we hired lawyer.  Now we have a hearing at the end of june because we would not sign and agree to the accusations against my h and I.  MY questions is we have tons of police reports from the past from over the years that police were called her due to her physically attacking us can I use these in court to prove we were the ones being attacked not her being attacked I brought this up with our lawyer and he said judge will not allow this.

Good for you.  Never, never, never ever admit to lies.  Even if the case ends up going against you, you can always claim Innocence despite it.  However, if you admitted guilt, then you couldn't do that.  See?  Hold to your integrity.

The more I ponder this, the more I believe her claiming past abuse really ought to open the door to you defending yourself with older documentation.  You have a right to address the allegations (that they are projections of her own actions, contemplations or behavior patterns) or else the allegations ought to be excluded from the case.  As I said, you may need to consult other lawyers who may have a better understanding of your state laws and rights.  It's not right (or legal?) for someone to use allegations you aren't allowed to defend against.  IMHO

Somewhere in there you may be able to point out that this is all about seeing your grandchildren, D got triggered and this is her retaliation to obstruct you.

[mggt]

Forerever dad,  Thank you great advice

[mggt]

We have court tommorow for bf allegations against us in civil court  .  Our d case isnt until end of june in family court I will keep you all updated any and all advice is welcome 

[mggt]

UPDATE went to court and the boyfriend did not show up so the judge dismissed the case very good news Now we just wait for our d date in late june in family court

[lbjnltx]

Good news mggt!  Maybe without boyfriend's back up your d will rethink this and drop it.

lbj

[mggt]

UPDATE  Went to court yesterday for our d tro against us and she was a no show.  The judge dismised the case .   It has been four months since we have seen our gc gd four and gs 5 months very grateful the tro was dismissed still miss the gc they are truly the victims here

[lbjnltx]

Great news again! 

What do you anticipate the next step will be in the process of trying to reconnect with your gkids?

lbj

[mggt]

Thank you lbj not sure yet what we are going to do about the gc we miss them so much especially our gd four years  helped raise her since she was born.  I thnk we are going to sit with this for a while they only live 10 minutes from us and I cant tell you how many times we just want to run over there and see them it takes all my power not to do this .  The bf is so nasty to us he is the gs father not our grandaughter father , so we are not sure what to do for now I will keep you updated and hopefully next time I write we will have seen them  Thank you again friend