Did your ex block you on Facebook / have you gotten fake messages / calls?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm just curious how many of us have gotten Blocked on Facebook or any social media site from our ex BPDs? Anyone after their discard gotten fake messages thru FB or any other media site? Anyone get hang ups or blocked calls after the break up? I have. They have now seemed to stop bc in the last fake message on FB I said hello ex. Then boom no more messages. Got a few blocked calls on my cell and house phone with no one there. I've been blocked since Oct 4 2015. Anyone else?

[Confused108]

I'm just curious how many of us have gotten Blocked on Facebook or any social media site from our ex BPDs? Anyone after their discard gotten fake messages thru FB or any other media site? Anyone get hang ups or blocked calls after the break up? I have. They have now seemed to stop bc in the last fake message on FB I said hello ex. Then boom no more messages. Got a few blocked calls on my cell and house phone with no one there. I've been blocked since Oct 4 2015. Anyone else?

[Bushido]

my so to be ex BPD threw me and all of my family out on fb after only 4 days since she moved out...

and now she has found a replacement. . . still not divorced yet and less then 4 weeks since she moved out...

and she is happy. . . she says... .

so. . .happy times for me...

but i´m done . . . she can chase her emotions where ever she wants. . .l'm moving on

[Hadlee]

I deleted mine in 2014.  Since then I have had friend requests from multiple fake accounts and PM's from a couple of them.  No hang up calls at all.

The latest tactic... .in the last few months I have received emails from an online account I have - the email provides me a link to "reset my password" as I have requested.  Huh?  I haven't requested that nor have I logged into that account for quite some time.  I found out that you have to manually request to reset your password, so it's not a spam email as I tested it myself.  The pwBPD is well aware of that account and it is rather obvious they are behind it.

Still don't understand why they do it.  Can anyone shed some light on why?

[Confused108]

I know what you mean. It's like they end it with us only to come back and play these childish games. It's frustrating I know.  I also a few weeks back gotten a message from FB saying someone tried to log into my account . Gee I wonder who that could be?

[Survivingher]

not positive it was her, but last summer during out longest break up to date at that point, I did receive 2 requests on facebook.  they were attractive girls weeks apart.  I accepted both because I thought it might be her.  they had only one or 2 pics and no timelines at all.  one of them messaged me for quite awhile one day.  I messaged back to see if it was some sort of money scam or something ,but they never asked for money     just wanted to chat.   I deleted both within a day or so.  and I also received a couple hang up phone calls during that time.  maybe it was her.  I don't know.  my facebook acct shows nothing unless we are friends.  maybe she was checking up to see if I moved on.   

[MapleBob]

Whenever our romantic relationship broke up she would block/unfriend me everywhere, then re-add me when we would get back together. When she ended our "friendship" relationship she told me to unfollow her. (Luckily I already had!   )

She never reached out in any weird or sneaky ways. She never reached out at all. I have reason to believe she's at least taken a peek or two at my social media profiles, but everybody does that.

[Dutched]

NO, it was, better still is, the other way.

I blocked exw, blocked also most of the persons in that social circle of hers.

Little back story about that.

For that exw it IS normal that she tries to remain in contact (likes, etc.) with some persons in my family.

Now for that same exw it is NOT normal that I still have contact with some of her intimae and/or very close family (lately we joined for a very pleasant lunch together).

Point is that exw doesn’t know anything about her intimae and/or very close family having contact with me…

It is even beyond exw’s imagination that I can have contact with them after a 30+ yrs.

Ewx broke up with me, SO all HER contacts MUST have done the same… Get the thinking?

Back to FB and blocking.

So exw is telling around of me having a hidden/secret FB account…

I CAN’T can see you, yet I know (via ‘a 3rd party’ or so) you MUST have FB, SO that MUST be a secret one…

As told by her, she even contacted FB… in order to release info about my account…

Made up… the story that FB couldn’t do anything about a secret/hidden account…

Then… exw claims to have blocked me shortly after her break up…

 

Make believe, feelings become facts. Although High Functioning, the core remains the same.

Are we getting in the mood for another Disney story?

[Quintessence]

I was with my ex for six years. Yes, she blocked me on Facebook very soon after she broke up with me. Then she unblocked me a week after breaking up with me; it was right around the time when she entered into a relationship with my replacement (maybe I was no longer a trigger because of the new, positive distraction?). Then, when she dumped my replacement two months after (he did not meet her expectations, apparently), she reblocked me, even though I had maintained no contact ever since the breakup and did not bother her. Then, two months after that second round of blocking I was unblocked for a few days and then reblocked yet again.

I have been blocked ever since (five months and counting). I expect to stay blocked forever; such a fate has befallen one more ‘important’ ex of my ex (long term relationship, but shorter than mine…I was her longest by far). I expect to stay blocked forever; I don’t expect my fate to be any different. It hurts and stings, I won’t lie.   

No fake calls or emails.

Am I being spied on via some other secret account? Maybe. I have no idea.

   

[doorknobs11]

I've gotten several notifications saying someone had tried to log into my Facebook account, and email. The restricted calls have died down. While we were together I would get numerous private calls at odd times during the night. The few times I answered them it was just silence. Pretty certain they were my BPD ex now that I think about it.

[BorisAcusio]

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. There was a fork in the road. One side said, “leave” and the other said “stay.” People became confused, because they really, really wanted to “stay” but circumstances didn’t allow it. Perhaps their former partner had moved on or they felt cheated, so they forced themselves down the road to “leave.” But secretly, they wished to “stay,” even though the partnership was no longer available for them.

There are several phases to the aftermath of a symbiotic relationship with a person that has an unstable sense of self. These phases occur with periods of malignant hope for the return of the "other" offset by uncertainty. Hope versus uncertainty causes bargaining and hyper-anxious "watching" waiting and obsessing for the return of the desired "love object." These actions lead to intellectual reasoning that tips the scales with malignant hope, because uncertainty is as painful as watching paint dry.

When this phase fails (as it should) then anger arises, splitting the former symbiotic enmeshment into good and bad. (You can guess who the good is when you're angry) Based upon the need to repair your identity, the splitting becomes useful (for ego protection) but it then disintegrates as a coping mechanism because this isn't about ego anymore- it's about who you are underneath the ego.

All or none, black or white thinking separates and protects the ego from pain. When it becomes apparent that this person you split also is the object of your desire that you yearn for, the next phase of all or none thinking is frustration and despair, because the person you hate is also the one that you covet- and there’s a loss there concerning a failed coupling that felt deeper than starlight.

In object relations, this is known as the "depressive position." It is a fight against abandonment depression. The obsessing, watching, waiting, clairvoyant e.s.p. she's thinking about me right now and sending private messages to me as well as intensely feeling that hang-up calls need secret decoder rings... are all the mind's way of keeping that lost object alive and refusing to let go. Letting go means abandonment depression and no one enters into the depressive position that eagerly. It's fought tooth and nail the entire way with what is known as "magical thinking" keeping the attachment bond unbroken and subsuming the love object.

"The capacity to perceive that the other who frustrates is also the one who gratifies" is a part of working through the depressive position. It means that sometimes we need to have an internal compass that lets go of magical thinking, hope versus uncertainty, and focus on why we are angry. In working through depressive anxiety, projections are withdrawn, allowing the other more autonomy, reality, and a separate existence and that's really what leaving is all about.  

[warhar]

My ex did block me - but only after I blocked her. I remember when we were still together she'd spend long hours on social media creating links that would eventually allow her access to her perceived enemies.

She really enjoyed 'knowing' things about people.

She also invested in software which allowed her, eventually, access to all the computers feeding off of the home internet router.

This was all done to ensure the children's safety - apparently.

When she left I had all sorts of strange things happen. The most memorable was opening my E-Bay 'wish list' and discovering it packed with homosexual erotica and sex toys. Quite a shock to a conservative, straight male!

The mid-night log-in attempt notifications continued until recently.

My LinkedIn account (until I deleted it) was regularly 'viewed' by her (of course, LinkedIn notifies you of who has been viewing your profile)

For her, knowledge is control is power.

[SummerStorm]

I only got Facebook back in October, about a month after my BPD friend discarded me for the second time.  After the second discard, I did get several calls from unknown numbers.  Most of them were from the are where her boyfriend at the time lived. She found my Facebook in late November, and we became friends for a whopping six days before she blocked me.  After that, I got a few friend requests from people I didn't know.  We had no common friends, and none of the profiles had any posts or pictures.   

She blocked her mom in January, and in February, her mom got a call from a number in the area where her boyfriend at the time lived. 

She blocked her ex-boyfriend in September, after he called the cops on her because she stole money from him.  In late January, she sent him a friend request.  He ignored it.  I was still blocked at that point, even though we had been in contact again for a month. 

Three weeks ago, she once again friended me, her mom, and her stepbrother.  So, who knows why it took her over three months to unblock me.

[Confused108]

Well here is an update! On April 11 at 11:38 at night I got a message request from FB. Now I was sleeping at this point. So at around 1:30 am I woke up to use the bathroom and saw I had a message request. It was  a woman asking me a price on one of my sculptures . I'm an artist. So I answered her and she never responded after that. Well I've been so busy that I never noticed her message had been blokockdd after and now she has deleted her account! Meaning another phoney FB account! My friends have looked for her on FB and yup does not exist anymore bc that profile has been deleted! So here we go again! Just when I thought this nonsense has stopped! Also I find it strange it was around the same time my ex would send me FB messages or texts before her final discard of me!

[Stripey77]

Blocked on Facebook.

Unfollowed on Instagram. Then when I posted a picture of me on my other Insta account, he unfollowed that. Obviously couldn't face seeing me/what he'd chucked.

MONTHS later he has recently blocked me on Instagram, after seeing me out in a bar one night. I have not once contacted him or ventured towards him, let alone interact on his Instagram account. Just actually seeing me in the flesh seems to have triggered this reaction.

I remain unblocked on Whatsapp, where we chatted all day every day.

And unblocked on Skype, where  we still each other online, and where we also talked.

If you can unravel all of that, please enlighten me! 

[FallBack!Monster]

I have been blocked since about October.  I still have face to face LC with my ex but no social media at all.  I don't mind.  We always had different taste in fb postings anyway.  Not really any mutual friends = to no need to be connected in social media at all.  I do get the occasional fake phone calls and text but when before I use to play, now I just block the number... ."go play with someone who wants to play." Get friend request on fb from people that look like family members and in fact are pics of family members but either their fb accounts have been hacked or it is a fake account.  Nevertheless, I don't accept.  If they have never been my fb friends before and I have had an account for years, what are the chances that they would request me now? nope! none.

My ex does not call me at all, at all, at all.  I don't call either... .at all.  In the past, if I called she wouldn't answer.  We would only talk on the phone if she called me.  and it was usually to ask me for something that had to do with her.  It never had anything to do with me. So, I have no desire to speak to her on the phone.  Face to face, it doesn't bother me much. I don't really know why.  Maybe it is the fact I can see what she's doing and not wonder if she's with some other people just making fun of me.  It sounds like they are mocking you on phone conversations when  they are being weird. My take on it anyway.

[GreenEyedMonster]

I got blocked within 24 hours of the breakup last August, and have not been unblocked, as far as I know.

Yes, I have received numerous questionable phone calls and friend requests since then.  Would I swear any of them were my ex?  Nope.  I am pretty sure that my ex believes I'm an evil psychopath and that is the sum total of my feelings toward me.  But the hangup phone calls tend to come in clusters and be from an area code about 3 hours away, which makes me wonder.  He does stalk me online about 1-3 times per day -- I know that 100% for sure. 

[JRT]

Interesting... .refreshing maybe even... .I thought that I was the only one! I had a great relationship with my upwBPD fiance... .one day out of the blue she moved out of my house after having moved in only 3 weeks prior while I was away on a work trip... .she sent a text telling me that our relationship was over, to never call her and that she had moved out... .then blocked me from texting or calling... .she did this on her sons phone as well... .

... .she must have been in the driveway with the moving van as she blocked me on facebook and then unfriended all of my friends and family (there were nearly 100!)... .that wasn't enough, she convinced her family and friends that they should unfriend of block me as well... .she blocked me via email and on other social media... .I attempted to call her since the breakup from hotel phones while traveling where those attempts were met with calls from the cops or letters from lawyers threatening to file PPO's against me (all told I attempted contact over a 1 1/2 year period a stunning total of 4 times - 2 of them the day of the breakup!).

I caught her stalking me on FB... .and had other FB oddities happen that I cannot pin on her but cannot exclude her either... .I have also had odd occurrences on other social media (odd visitors on LinkedIn, thrown off a dating site that I didn't use because I was being 'abusive to other members', hahaha)... .

I had been also receiving a steady stream of silent calls to my house and to my cell... .there were patterns associated to my work and other factors that made them a little bit more than just random... .they all came from different numbers and when I call them back, the recording usually said that they were out of service... .every now and again, I get on where someone answers and swears that they have not used their phone in hours!

She tracked down a friend that I made on this forum at one point... .she began to text her posing as a bill collector! They eventually spoke and my ex send her a friend request at one point! My friend (along with another female friend) continue to receive silent calls a year and a half later. I still get them but far fewer than at point point.

I have posted about this in the past asking others shy someone would do this. I meant the world to her the day before she ran and I am convinced of nothing less. But now I am painted as black as Satan to her yet she doesn't seem to want to let go. I know for a fact that there is no replacement after all of this time. Control... .disorder... .it still doesn't make sense even within the framework of BPD. Thoughts?

[SummerStorm]

Blocked on Facebook.

Unfollowed on Instagram. Then when I posted a picture of me on my other Insta account, he unfollowed that. Obviously couldn't face seeing me/what he'd chucked.

MONTHS later he has recently blocked me on Instagram, after seeing me out in a bar one night. I have not once contacted him or ventured towards him, let alone interact on his Instagram account. Just actually seeing me in the flesh seems to have triggered this reaction.

I remain unblocked on Whatsapp, where we chatted all day every day.

And unblocked on Skype, where  we still each other online, and where we also talked.

If you can unravel all of that, please enlighten me! 

A few days after I was friended on FB last November, she rejected my Instagram follow request.  She unfollowed me on Twitter last June and hasn't tried to follow me again.  But we're FB friends again. 

[Confused108]

Jrt it's just Crazy! If we could make sense of all this craziness then we would still be with them! It blew my mind what my ex did to me! Not once but twice! As teens as I told u my story and now as 40 something yr olds! Nothing has changed with her. They way she acts etc is still the same. The only thing that changes is the date! But like u said here they are walking away from us and just the night before telling us how much they love us and want us! Then comes the stalking the calls the fake accounts on social media sites etc... .but yet we are painted black! I also got threatened with a PPO from my ex . Just bc I was sending her articles about BPD and telling her she was misdiagnosed and she should get checked. Lol! So much for being nice and caring!

[Confused108]

Blocked on Facebook.

Unfollowed on Instagram. Then when I posted a picture of me on my other Insta account, he unfollowed that. Obviously couldn't face seeing me/what he'd chucked.

MONTHS later he has recently blocked me on Instagram, after seeing me out in a bar one night. I have not once contacted him or ventured towards him, let alone interact on his Instagram account. Just actually seeing me in the flesh seems to have triggered this reaction.

I remain unblocked on Whatsapp, where we chatted all day every day.

And unblocked on Skype, where  we still each other online, and where we also talked.

If you can unravel all of that, please enlighten me! 

A few days after I was friended on FB last November, she rejected my Instagram follow request.  She unfollowed me on Twitter last June and hasn't tried to follow me again.  But we're FB friends again. 

Summer that's just nuts all together! Lol!

[JerryRG]

Someone and I'm assuming my exBPDgf because she knew my email address for accessing my fb account, anyway someone posted something about, "I don't like fb, I'm deleting it so stop messaging me"

The person it was directed to immediately asked me why I said that, and I didn't say that, I changed my password and it never happened again.

My ex was shrewd at these things and stalked and spied on me all the time, yet blamed me for doing this to her. One more example of crazy that bent my reality.

Another thing happend after our breakup, this stranger text me on google+, very rude and childish, I looked at his? account and he had maybe 5 photos, all dark and indistinguishable and a handful of friends. This person called me names and for some reason sent a picture of a clinic exam room. I recognized this room from our local clinc here where I live. WHY? crazy but I spent at least one day per week with my ex while she would try to get doctors to help her with her million different illnesses. She sought pain pills or something.

I was so naive and believed her when she complained about pain.

She abused opiates like candy, so what happened? Why did this person send a picture of a clinic exam room.

It's strange and I believe my ex was involved.

I would get texts from her family members and later found out these people were not real.

Crazy crazy crazy and I wonder why I'm not dealing with this well.

Hmm

[Beachguy]

I know the private numbers were her because she posted on Fb " how does it feel being hung up on". I suspect the other coincidences were her too. The slashed tire , the screw in tire, the other odd phone calls and all the friend requests from "___book" also the drive bys from her and her friends all have stopped I think.

[Hadlee]

Reading these comments has made me realize two things... .

How on earth did we not end up in an asylum   And I find it scary to think there are so many pwBPD wondering the streets looking like completely normal people.  Honestly, I have my guard up nowadays as the thought of having another pwBPD enter my life is just frightening. 

It's so crazy that it makes my head spin

[JerryRG]

Lol busygall, right?

I swear I must have had at least one nervous breakdown if not many? Lol. Nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for these last 4 years dealing with her and because of my skilled ability to deny reality I'm only beginning to realize the horror of what really happened piece by piece.

The defence mechanism that saved my sanity also allowed we to wallow in a nightmare I was oh so willing to be part of. I scratch my head in utter amazement at how I could be so blind. This is what makes me believe I'm a tad insane as well .

My exes flying monkey's stalked me too beachguy, I told myself they were harmless monkeys but who knows what crazy would do? Scary stuff

[Turkish]

I blocked my Ex over two months before she moved out, during the four months she was living her double life, all but throwing her r/s in my face. It took her three weeks to figure it out. 1.5 years later, I dectivated that account, for reasons unrelated to her. Her extended family and mutual friends may have thought it was because she married the guy around that time, but that wasn't the reason.

Everyone here is at various stages of detaching. If you're truly done, however, why don't you take a step in detaching by blocking yourself? I have kids with my Ex. We get along now. I'll never friend her with my new account, nor any old mutual friends or her family. Done is done. This protects me.

[Hadlee]

If you're truly done, however, why don't you take a step in detaching by blocking yourself?

I have thought about doing that in the hope I would no longer receive friend requests from fake profiles.  Maybe I should try it... .maybe it would then stop the fake nonsense

[Confused108]

I can't block my ex k. FB bc she has already blocked me. I tried. And since I am an artist with a FB page for that art I have to accept messages for my buisness. That goes along with the phone calls too. So as you can see I am in a rock and a hard place. Eventually my ex will move on ... .She always does!

[Hadlee]

Do they ever really move on?  I've had this rubbish happen for 18 months now.

[troisette]

I blocked my ex on FB shortly after I went nc, seven months ago. I felt relieved as soon as I pressed the button. It's worth doing. Makes nc easier too.

So if we nons do it to make life easier for us, let's not judge the BPDs who block on FB. It may seem irrational but I guess they have their own reasons and motives - even if they don't make sense to us.

[Fogclearing]

Yes. She blocked me on Facebook. First after she left me from one day to another I didn't hear anything for a week. Then she contacted me again through Facebook and we kind of talked. She had regrets and was seeking an opening to continue the relationship "long distance". Then I confronted her about the financial mess she left behind that has put me as a home owner and a parent in a difficult situation. Re responded by blocking me from all social media in an instant and disconnected her phone. She sent a message through a relative that her "psychiatrist had told her to go no contact with me because contact was bad for her healing process" (I'd rather say to her bank account, haha).

End of story? No! A week after her cutting me off and blocking me from Facebook she is now turning to my friends to get info about me, ask if "I hate her" and send messages as go between or flying monkeys. One of the persons she contacted is even a business client of mine. There is no way I can contact her. I don't know how to stop this. I DON'T want her to contact my friends and business network. So totally out of line. If she has anything to say to me she can put on her big girl's panties and contact me directly.