My last email from my wife, thoughts?

[Ahoy]

I don't know why I feel the need to share this but this is the last email I got from my wife. I feel this is when she finally let me into her head and I knew how unwell she was. Did anyone else get emails like this?

A bit if backstory, we were 1.5 years into marriage, she moved interstate to escape our remote working location. As soon as she moved she found our her (likely) BPD father had been playing her off against her sister 8 years. I think this and the fact she was already starting to dysregulate from me triggered her immensely.

She stopped contacting me, found a replacement and I called things off in Jan when she refused to compromise even a little about visiting/living with me intermittently while I save up to move with her.

After I separated i had a revelation that this was the woman I loved and tried to drop everything and move to her. She was fully dating my replacement by now. One week later we were 100% separated when a friend told me about her new relationship... .enjoy.






Hi (Name)

Firstly the reason that I didn't reply straight away is because I wanted some time to think... .


I was mad because you didn't respect my wishes and you continuously texted me even when I asked you to respect me and not Do it. I was just disappointed.

To be honest after I shut down I didn't talk to anyone, you, mum, dad, My sister. I distanced myself from everything and the nightmares stopped. For once I looked after myself and not everyone else.

I am not sure who I can trust anymore I feel betrayed, lost and alone. I wanted to run away and be someone else... .But even then. Then what.

Yes we are both to blame, I know your situation but you don't know mine... .You didn't look after me, you didn't stay with me and now I feel like it's too late. Yes I shut down but it wasn't a long time... .And you could have waited but you didn't... .

I'm sick of you going on about how I'm moving on. In fact my world has stopped turning. I've stopped talking to people, I've changed.

So yeah I don't know what to say but also I feel like this is a trick, because I know your mind is Always about money, and I feel like the only reason you want to come here is because you don't want to separate and have to pay me out... .Because even when you left me I begged you not to, I begged you to put my happiness and not money first. But that never happened... .You never listened to me nor understood.

You rang me a few weeks ago happy that I accepted your offer... That you were moving on and that I wouldn't hear from you? Next minute you want to move here? Is this some sort of trick? What is going on?

So in all honesty I don't want to work but I have to. I'm struggling so much financially it's ridiculous, I don't want to have this life because I have stress and ptsd... .And I want to remove myself from everything in my life that I don't trust or has not given me happiness.

So I want to move on but I can't. You're keeping me trapped when you left me... .So I don't know what I'm doing but I can't stay in this trap in this same place not moving forward but staying in the same place... .

My family is keeping me trapped but I'm not letting them anymore

I don't know what I want anymore my life is a shamble and a mess and frankly I don't have an answer this is just my feelings. If you want to reply

WRITE IN A WEEK when you've had time to think about what you're going to say... .I'm sick of all the hot head emotions... .

Also, stop saying 'the next few months will decide if we were meant to be together' you've said that for the last 6 months. If we were meant to be together you would have stayed with me.


I hope you're well

[Turkish]

Even if I were to believe her or "side" with what she wrote, knowing nothing else, she cheated on and betrayed you. I don't see any accountability or remorse here.

What are your steps going forward?

[Ahoy]

Proceeding with divorce, I found this site 2days later and it helped me immensely. I most certainly have blame for myself and my actions, but I'm a strong believer in cause/effect. I lost my temper at her a few times because any adult conversation with her about finances or living arrangements "stressed" her out. She only wanted to talk about trivial things, run away.

It's a shame, beautiful person when she is happy, very selfish but I can look past it.

Now the mere thought of me triggers her because I made her accountable and put my needs ahead of hers.

I wonder if she has returned to a less stressed way of thinking now I'm 5 weeks out of the

Picture or whether this is all bubbling beneath the surface with her new man. It's none of my business or really healthy to think about but I can't quite move on yet.

[Turkish]

She sounds Waifish ("life's too hard, rescue me!".

My ex smirked at me, then got angry, after she returned from a Eurotrip of ten days last January. I poked fun at her choice of affair partner (not one of my best moments). 4 months after the marriage, she went into a deep depression, and later told me she wished she'd never left. People here told me they had experienced similarly. It changes nothing. That may come, or it may not. Have you looked at the Legal board for guidance in the divorce process?

[adaw]

i do not know if you have read my previous posts. here is things i have experienced: 1. BPD are not capable of mature adult reasoning. their chain of thought are equivalent of a grade school kid. i will have a fling so that he/she would realize how much they need me. my BPD moved with an ex lover for 9 months while i carried on with my life, i knew their affair will go south and when it did i was there waiting for her.

2. they need to know you can control them. i tried being gentle and understanding with no avail. but when i put my foot and took charge she submitted.

3. they lie and manipulate. so you need to know their behavioral patterns and not fall into traps.

[Ahoy]

100% she fits the waif model. I think after discovering BPD family and learning about cluster b traits is that her thinking in this email really paints the picture of a distorted mind, trying to keep it together.

Her thoughts about removing everything in her life that doesn't cause her happiness is in my mind childlike thinking, the good and bad bits of life just can't be sifted out like that.

Her thinking I want to stay with her just so I don't have to pay her, her share of our assets in a divorce ? Sorry but the cost of married life far outweighs the temporary setback of splitting our meagre assets.

It hurts to read it but a few lines really just make me feel she is trying to describe her overpowering emotions causing it to come out a jumbled, paranoid mess. It sucks to read it because I still to this day wish I could relieve her pain.

I dunno perhaps I reading too much into her words... .

[Bushido]

wow... .that email really looks like something my stbex would send to me...

if she does send me one . . . after shes done with her replacement . .

you can bet i will post it here and show you...

good luck to you. . .and stay strong