About being painted black...

[Dhand77]

In the end, when I finally embraced the anger phase of the break up. She was still using manipulation to "keep me in her life". I had to break NC and firmly placed a hard boundary to leave me alone and keep me out of her life.

Now, in my situation, we work in the same building. And I assume that after laying down a hard boundary with her, I was painted blacker than midnight. She began sleeping with people in our workplace she knew I didn't get along with. Triangulation, I presume. But is something like this common with being painted black? Revenge of some sort for completely abandoning her? An almost child like attempt to gain a reaction from me?

For the past 3 months, she's consistently used manipulation. But now that I'm blacker than black, it's been the sleeping with people in the building. Like its some type of "BPD revenge" for truly abandoning her. And now she's "trying" to make me jealous with these downgrades. Lol. I mean, if they made tons of money, I'd be jealous. But sleeping with a janitor? Yeah, not so much.

Are they aware of how badly they are "burning the bridge", when they do things like this?

[balletomane]

Are they aware of how badly they are "burning the bridge", when they do things like this?

By saying she's 'burning the bridge' by sleeping with other people, you're suggesting that you'd be willing to re-enter the relationship with her if she weren't doing this. It sounds as though you're viewing what she does now through the lens of your relationship with her. For instance, promiscuity is a very common characteristic in BPD, so it could just be that and not that she's trying to make you envious. I think the only way for you to break the hold the relationship has over you is to stop thinking about what her current behaviour might mean and what she's trying to gain by it - it's not your business any more, thankfully.

[Dhand77]

Are they aware of how badly they are "burning the bridge", when they do things like this?

By saying she's 'burning the bridge' by sleeping with other people, you're suggesting that you'd be willing to re-enter the relationship with her if she weren't doing this. It sounds as though you're viewing what she does now through the lens of your relationship with her. For instance, promiscuity is a very common characteristic in BPD, so it could just be that and not that she's trying to make you envious. I think the only way for you to break the hold the relationship has over you is to stop thinking about what her current behaviour might mean and what she's trying to gain by it - it's not your business any more, thankfully.

Yeah, you're totally right! I've always had great relationships with ex's. Even been to their weddings. So yeah, a part of me is saddened that I'm just not going to be able to that with this one.

And I've already take steps to let go by deleting my social media accounts. But yeah, you're right. I do sound like someone that wants to re-engage. BPD relationships are such a mindf**k!

[Rayban]

@Dhand77


I'm living through pretty much the same thing. I also work with my exBPDgf.


I made the mistake of speaking to her about the reasons why are relationship didn't work. I told her that I didn't like her being overly friendly with certain co-workers, and that I feared she would eventually if not already cheat with them. She went on about how I dare call her a cheater, and accused me of being a cheater.

Next day she was even more friendly, especially with one coworker I don't get along with. She was obviously throwing it right in my face. She always said, that no one tells her what to do. Later in the week, I could sense her contempt towards me. I was obviously being painted black, for having the nerve to question her behavior.

The good news is that she will hopefully move on, letting me recover from the train wreck that was our relationship. I also ruminate on things that hinder my recovery. Just now I'm wondering how many coworkers she's slept with? I never caught her, but it's obvious that some of her relations with these people goes beyond friendship.

[Dhand77]

@Dhand77


I'm living through pretty much the same thing. I also work with my exBPDgf.


I made the mistake of speaking to her about the reasons why are relationship didn't work. I told her that I didn't like her being overly friendly with certain co-workers, and that I feared she would eventually if not already cheat with them. She went on about how I dare call her a cheater, and accused me of being a cheater.

Next day she was even more friendly, especially with one coworker I don't get along with. She was obviously throwing it right in my face. She always said, that no one tells her what to do. Later in the week, I could sense her contempt towards me. I was obviously being painted black, for having the nerve to question her behavior.

The good news is that she will hopefully move on, letting me recover from the train wreck that was our relationship. I also ruminate on things that hinder my recovery. Just now I'm wondering how many coworkers she's slept with? I never caught her, but it's obvious that some of her relations with these people goes beyond friendship.

It feels like she's trying to embarrass me by doing this. Yet she doesn't realize she's actually embarrassing herself. These guys are serious downgrades. The make less money. They aren't even attractive and I have co-workers that are just shocked she would lower her standards so so much in what comes off as a desperate attempt to make me jealous.

Lol. They can keep her. I don't want her anymore. Sleeping with those scrubs seriously helped me move on in a big way.

[steelwork]

(I know it isn't the point, but money isn't everything. I make very little myself. And cleaning buildings is hard, honest work.)

[Dhand77]

(I know it isn't the point, but money isn't everything. I make very little myself. And cleaning buildings is hard, honest work.)

I'm not trying to take shots at custodians. During the break up, she made mention of how much money I make a few times. So it just boggles my mind.

[JerryRG]

I really hate to say this but God forgive me because no matter what I say about my ex it only reflects on how desperate or blind I was in the beggining.

My exBPDgf was "bored" and started doing meth, this was after we had began a relationship. Anyway after she came around again in a few months she told me about her best friend at the time and how this friend sold her body for meth/money.

When my ex showed up at my place I remember her pulling a bunch of condoms out of her purse. I mean a package of 20 or more that were all connected together, not in a box.

I believe she was a prostitute like her friend, this was around the time of her first od, this was the night she clamed I raped her. Anyway after she overdosed she left her fb and a suicide note on my computer and left it for me to see.

There were several guys messenging her asking if they give her money what they would get in return.

She left this to reveal her lifestyle

Oh my what a train wreck and like I said I thought I could save her from this life and eventually she did get back on her feet thanks to me, wow the things I did for her.

WHAT WAS I THINKING!

Omg I'm nauseoues thinking about this, what the hell is wrong with me?

I want to cry or throw up right now!

[Confused108]

I think some of them do it to "hurt us". My story is my mom broke us up as teens. After that my ex flipped out and went into a mental hospital and came out worse then when she went in. Anyway when I tried getting her back 1st it was yes then a week later no I don't love u. She then went on to fool around with a bunch of guys on the block. Fast forward she finds me on FB comes in 2013 comes on to me last June and told me that she only fooled around with a guy I knew then later on bc she knew it bothered me switched it to oh no I slept with so and so. I don't believe it but the point is that she I feel lied to I really slept with him but forgot bc she knew it hurt and bothered me. Sick broad!

[JerryRG]

Beyond sick, and now she wants me to believe she's changed, wants peace and asks me to get over my resentments then tells people I raped her.

I know I was a desperate blind fool but you understand why I'm just a tad sceptical as to the genuineness of her change of heart?

I'm having a panic attack thinking about how dumb I was... .

What a twisted mind

OH and she's raising my son!

[Confused108]

Beyond sick, and now she wants me to believe she's changed, wants peace and asks me to get over my resentments then tells people I raped her.

I know I was a desperate blind fool but you understand why I'm just a tad sceptical as to the genuineness of her change of heart?

I'm having a panic attack thinking about how dumb I was... .

What a twisted mind

OH and she's raising my son! 

Mine said her ex raped her and her bro and his buddy molested her and her sister as kids! Both not true! And after she spun this evil web of lies she unfriended and blocked both off FB! Well guess who she put back on her FB page after she dumped my Dumb a$$? Yup her bro and ex boyfriend! Do not believe a word and I mean a word that comes outta their lying mouths! Mine pulled the same $hit on me when we were teens. Broke my heart. Then when last June she chases me and tells me she is so sorry for leaving me etc ... She still loves me will never leave me again! All LIES! Never Ever Again!  I feel bad man that she is easing your son!

[JerryRG]

Yes she's got him for now but she cannot maintain herself for too long, a dozen suicide texts in 2015, a few weeks ago she posted on FB she wanted to take a dirt nap. Her time is coming to an ebrupt end.