why was finding empathy for him so easy?

[cherryblossom]

simply why could I find endless amounts of empathy for him? -but struggle with other scenarios / people's behaviours? -annoying as people who are not disordered are more likely to change / apologise etc... if treated with compassion / empathy -yet I feel my trust has been so damaged I cannot (generally -good friends/quakers and sister are an exception to this) trust a human to behave decently anymore. I guess this is my next question to therapist!

[troisette]

Possibly because you were trauma bonded to him?

[JerryRG]

Hello cherryblossom, troisette

I thought the subject of trauma bounding interesting so I searched and found this article.

I apologize ahead of time to the moderators if this site isn't appropriate or factual. Very interesting subject.

www.thenarcissisticpersonality.com/trauma-bonding/

My ex definitely shows this behaviour and her own mother told me many times there was something very wrong with her daughter. Red flag #20674 in my face and still kept dancing with the devil.

[cherryblossom]

  that is some scary stuff   it fits what happened --I'm not sure he was that conscious of it happening or maybe he was? He certainly doesn't want to fix himself -"recovery is boring" he said after he convinced me of moving in with him and promising he was dedicated to recovery. He calls himself evil these days -maybe he actually is?

Trauma bonding def fits with what I've been saying about desperately clinging to the image of him and the deep connection no matter what bad behaviour was pulled out the bag -I just did not want to admit what was happening and detach it was way too hard -but this was not even conscious like the article describes it feels intoxicating. I don't think I would ever have split from him whatever he did -I would have always been hoping and convincing myself things would be ok and he would always make me feel like I was over reacting. This behaviour spilled into our sex life we were always pretty kinky -but that got really unpredictable and pushed the boundaries

Sick weird things is  that he would always describe the terrible things his father did (narcissistic, womanizing, charismatic alcoholic -made a dolls house for Tim Burton) to control his mother and how much he despised it -but then went on to do exact similar things and was in complete denial that he was anything like him when I pointed it out

He wont be able to charm me up though I'm afraid, gone past that point now thankfully 

[JerryRG]

This makes perfect sense for me and helps me understand the constant state of panic I lived in with my ex, it was as if I held my breath as long as I could then get away from her and recreate, breath and regain energy for the next encounter. Crazy Crazy Crazy

No wonder she treated me worse and worse after my demonstration of complete submission. Definitely goes back to my foo. My ex was my cold mother all over again and I the desperate child doing anything I could to win an ounce of her love.

Amazing how my past was so evidently being redone, hindsight

I hook up with the sickest person I could find then complain she's not well? LOL! I had to pretty darn sick as well.