Confused and still in love

[Faithful1]

Looking for thoughtful answers... .I will try and be brief and condense but feel free to ask questions.  I have just ended a relationship with a beautiful, smart, sexy and what I thought was caring and empathetic.  We hit it off instantly and we were inseparable. She wanted to get married quickly and was planning forever.  I had been single for three years and was in no rush to remarry.  I talked finances, issues with children, where we would live and any other issues that might cause marital issues.  We seemed to agree on everything and so we moved forward.  Once married our bond continued to grow but issues came up.  She had told me she was OCD.  Soon she began to accuse me of cheating, an issue she said had reoccurred in her past. To build trust I let her track me on my phone, have access to all my email, passwords and Facebook.  Soon we started to have fights and if she didn't get her way she would throw me and my son out of the house. I continued to have boundaries and told her that that would end our marriage.  After Being thrown out the fourth time and being threatened with violence by by a group of her friends I decided separation was the only answer.  She had told me being left was her biggest fear and if I did not return to live in the home it was over. 

[vortex of confusion]

Welcome to the forums!

These kinds of situations are very confusing.

How long were the two of you together?

What kinds of things are you thinking and feeling about all of this? Do you want her back or are you ready to call it quits for good? What is it that you are wanting?

I asked my husband of almost 18 years to leave back in March. There is nothing easy about any of this stuff. I spent so much time worrying about him that I stopped taking care of myself. The way forward is to start taking care of yourself and focusing on what it is that you want and need.

[bus boy]

Confused and still in love. I can relate to that very well. Or I should say could. I was very confused and very in love. I was threatened with violence, verbally, mentally, emotionally abused. It's all very confusing, we try harder,they say we are never there, we are kind and affectionate they say no ever treated them as bad as we did. The BPD projects there pain on to us non's. It never gets better, you can't help them. They are mentally ill. You can save your self and your son but you can't save her. This is my experience, I tried so hard for so many years. They have deep rooted trauma and pain, if you get close to it they will cut you down. It is very sad we can't help them. I thought my ex BPD saw the light when I got very sick, I thought this will bring g us back together, it was just the primer for her brutal discard. Once you are devalued you will definitely there forever, devalue, discard back and forth. It seems like hell on earth after the final discard, and the final discard will come, in the cruelest most heartless way, it always does, it's just a matter of time. You will not think it at the time but it is a blessing. It's usually stay gone or be sucker back in only to be discarded for good. But believe me when I say this, non's can get better. I have good days and bad days but the good out weights the bad, the hopeless, empty, confusing feelings are all gone, when they are gone you really get down to healthy healing. You will no longer be spending your energy on her, but directing it to you and your son. Some days it feels like a hopeless process but getting through those days makes you stronger for the next bump and so on until the bumps are farther and farther apart. This can only be accomplished through therapy, learning to look at your self and, this was crucial to me, this is my experience, everyone is different but no contact was the major stepping stone to healthy recovery for me.