I have been fighting the urge to reach out and I have been doing ok so far. A few more days then I will make it into 2 months of NC.
However, I work with him and we are not even at a point where we can say good morning to each other. I am wondering have any of you tried to at least send an email to end things? Like I understand things didn't work out, but I would like to at least be civil at work and maintain a professional working relationship? I just don't know if i will make things worse by doing that or he might see that as an invitation. So I would like to hear if anyone have tried that route to end things... .
Yes. Similar situation. Tried the email route. Failed. He took every word in a different way than I meant it. It enraged him so he enlisted his flying monkey fan base at work to make my life miserable.
There just is IMO no way to have a normal adult, things just didn't work out let's just be grown ups about this, conversation with a pwBPD.
Also, I sincerely want to just help him as a friend, but I'm unsure if a pwBPD can ever handle a typical friendship without seeing my caring and support as affection in a romantic way. Right before I told him we need to just be acquaintances, he did want me to ask my T for references so he can start seeking therapy. I also found him a week long outpatient program that he is interested in at a mental health hospital. So I feel like I could ALMOST get him the help and then we had a bad conversation and he just stopped all contact.
No, not an option either. After any breakup being friends is hard. With pwBPD impossible. Even if all of the romantic feelings would be gone on both sides, the hurt feelings are not because they can pop up again for a pwBPD any second for whatever reason. Besides that it will always be an uneven friendship that will be about you being there for him, never the other way around. I also think you need to look at why you are still trying to get him help; why is he not getting himself help? He is an adult and knows how a phone works. Getting help only works if he wants it not if you want it for him.
He does have a female best friend (he used to sleep with), they are really close, they have pointless fights all the time and he claims that they no longer sleep together and the last time was like 10 years ago. So I just don't understand why he could have a friendship with that girl but not me? He did want me to be his friend during our last convo but I said no. I've tried it and it was another recycle. He went right back to treating me like I was his gf. So that didn't work.
You already experience friendship isn't an option; it usually leads to an attempt to recycle as you can read from other threads. I wouldn't believe his claims about his friendship with this other girl but you're not clear either; you're jealous they are friends and you are not but at the same time you don't want to be friends. Or is it that you do want to be just friends and don't want the recycle bit? There is a difference for him I think between relationships and casual sex. With you it was a relationship so he will always try to recycle you. And as I said being friends with him will always be limited; whenever you need support on something you will need to go seek support from someone else, not him.
Is there a way to still support the pwBPD and have a friendship without being recycle over and over again?
No.
