Changes I noticed in myself 6 months after the break-up.

[Depression = 72% of members]

6 months after I broke up with my ex BPD wife with who I had a relationship for 3 years (and 1 year marriage), I'm looking back at myself now. I do notice some changes, I do not know which ones could be permanent and which ones temporarily. Maybe you can help me shed some light on it, or share your stories.

1) I've turned into a soft boiled egg: Meaning... .whenever I watch something on TV, or listen to music that is remotely emotional, I feel it BIG TIME! I'm a sensitive guy anyway, but now I find myself crying much more than I would normally do.

2) Positive feelings have much more impact too: Watching Barcelona play football gives me SO MUCH JOY now. Working out feels amazing. That's great.

I've also had a few dates, some went well and I find myself liking a girl on first impression very much. This gives me joy, but also worries me a little bit. How objective is my view... .I dated a girl this week and she was amazing, we shared a nice intimate kiss. I really have to stop myself from falling in love with her... .we only dated once and I find myself liking her alot. Normal feelings and go for it... .or be careful with yourself? I'm in doubt.

3) I have lots of doubts about my approach to this girl: This is unlike me. Usually I go with the flow, enjoy the whole flirting process. I still enjoy it... .but I have so much doubt: How much is she into me? Does she like me as much as I like her? Am I being too overwhelming, should I whatsapp her more or less. It's almost like I'm 13 years again (I'm 27 by the way), learning everything about this subject again.

There's probably more, can't think of them now. If you'd like to react, please do Thank you.

[Musicmaker1]

6 months after I broke up with my ex BPD wife with who I had a relationship for 3 years (and 1 year marriage), I'm looking back at myself now. I do notice some changes, I do not know which ones could be permanent and which ones temporarily. Maybe you can help me shed some light on it, or share your stories.

1) I've turned into a soft boiled egg: Meaning... .whenever I watch something on TV, or listen to music that is remotely emotional, I feel it BIG TIME! I'm a sensitive guy anyway, but now I find myself crying much more than I would normally do.

2) Positive feelings have much more impact too: Watching Barcelona play football gives me SO MUCH JOY now. Working out feels amazing. That's great.

I've also had a few dates, some went well and I find myself liking a girl on first impression very much. This gives me joy, but also worries me a little bit. How objective is my view... .I dated a girl this week and she was amazing, we shared a nice intimate kiss. I really have to stop myself from falling in love with her... .we only dated once and I find myself liking her alot. Normal feelings and go for it... .or be careful with yourself? I'm in doubt.

3) I have lots of doubts about my approach to this girl: This is unlike me. Usually I go with the flow, enjoy the whole flirting process. I still enjoy it... .but I have so much doubt: How much is she into me? Does she like me as much as I like her? Am I being too overwhelming, should I whatsapp her more or less. It's almost like I'm 13 years again (I'm 27 by the way), learning everything about this subject again.

There's probably more, can't think of them now. If you'd like to react, please do Thank you.

[C.Stein]

I dated a girl this week and she was amazing, we shared a nice intimate kiss. I really have to stop myself from falling in love with her... .we only dated once and I find myself liking her alot. Normal feelings and go for it... .or be careful with yourself? I'm in doubt.

I think it is good you are in doubt.  Why do you think you have such intense feelings for someone who is essentially a stranger?

[heartandwhole]

Hi MusicMaker1,

At 6 months out, I'm glad to hear that you are asking these questions    Grieving a loss is not a straightforward process, so there will be ups and curves and stops and starts. Your "soft-boiled-egg" feelings sound really normal to me. At 6 months out, I was very sensitive and raw at times. Other times I felt apathetic and depressed.

I think your self-doubts are understandable, too. I definitely doubted that I would ever have a healthy relationship again for the longest time. Dating at 6 months out would have been too early for me. You might want to take it slow, because the grieving process takes time and getting attached to another person too quickly doesn't always help.

That said, we are all unique in our healing timetable, so what doesn't work for one, may do just fine for others.

Listen to your gut and put your true needs first. What do you really need to feel fulfilled in your life? And then, what do you really need to feel fulfilled in your relationships? I think it's easy to get swept up in feeling better when someone attractive and nice comes along—nothing wrong with that, we are all human and need connection. Just don't lose sight of what really matters. All this pain we've been through is an opportunity to grow exponentially. 

heartandwhole