I feel I should get out. But it seems like I can't.

[Samuel7]

i have come a long way with her. She has give me her everything. She invested all her school money in me so we could start a life together. I took it hoping we could work everything out through love. But as the cycles have happened. Her delusion abusive cycles, I have grown cold towards her. I don't feel like connection anymore. I feel so bad for her and sorry. But I also feel bad for myself for putting myself in this position. I just hoped we could work things out and be ok. But I am realizing now no matter what I do, in not good enough and she will never be happy. I am also distrusting her about her past relationships. She blames everyone but herself until she goes into suicidal mode which she then says she hates her self and wants to die for "being this way". My head feels all messed up. I have gotten stronger through the pain she has caused me. But I am also colder now. My predicament is I bought land with her money and invested all mine into it and I can't give it back or do anything about it. I also feel like I'm stuck with her. I am now beginning to see how she lives in another reality. I have no way of reaching her. She had never believed that I loved her or cared. When she's so mean I get upset And tell her to leave. Then she uses the money she invested against me. I don't know what to do! I have given my life for her and she has given her money! I can't give back her money. So I feel like if I could ride it out long enough I could pay her back. But my problem is she depresses me and discourages me from doing anything that could help both of us. I'm afraid she will do something violent or very destructive. Much more if I ask her to leave and follow it through. It's easy to ask her to leave when she's mean and nasty. But I just can't do it when she's not being mean. I've had the best times with her than anyone and I don't know how to end it. I am trying to not spend as much time with her or kiss her etc. I have a strong drive and I am fighting it very hard. She's a very beautiful woman. I love her with all I can give but I'm growing cold and feel I can only do this after she has hurt me enough and I grow completely cold to her. I'm afraid that will heavily damage and I need to find another solution. It's gotten easy to not take her manipulation as much because I care less about her when she's mean and evil. I don't know how else to describe the way he becomes in a break down. She has no self control. She's gets very angry and hits me because I don't come to her suicide threats anymore. She has become more and more violent. I feel like a prisoner. She eventually acts nice ands asked why I love her after she loses herself. I say because I love u which she didn't believe the moment she was in a demonic rage. Like I said, this is what it would appear to someone who hasn't delt with this. Please somebody help me. I am so lost. I feel isloated. I can't go to parents because they don't understand. Plus they worry. I don't want them to know the pain I am in. I feel so stuck and it would kill them if they know what I was going through. I have so much sympathy for her pain. I know it's not me. But I also want to help her. I can't be both things at once, a lover and care taker, besides its too late. She's idolizes me but then treated me like I'm crap and selfish. She doesn't respect me nor have bounds for what she can be like and not. She has been to pyciatric wards. I thought I could play with fire and I have only been hurt. Then I have another feeling I struggle with. I have spent all my time and energy doing what I know I can do to provide and make us both happy. I feel like I owe myself the land she bought. She even told me wen I did it to put it in my name and that she trusted me. I feel like I earned every dollar she has invested in me because of what I have delt with. This is a selfish way to be, but I am thinking if I don't get anything of of this I will be more mad than I am. But I am a very caring and companionate person and I don't want her to be able to hold anything against me. I'm so lost on what I should do. I will pay her back because it's only fair but I don't know if I can through my construction business away to pay her back for my conscious. I got very angry and told her the other day when she was harassing me about my past relationships and how I loved them more than her and that she hates me and knew I didn't love her. Then she went suicidal and said you never loved me I have nothing cause you stole all my money. And I lost it at that point and said you couldn't pay me enough to put up with this crap! I feel like a prey in her web and no matter what I do she's got me! I told her to leave then she said I want all my money back and I said it's not possible now. I will have to continue to work to pay you back. But out of fear I won't make her leave. I afraid he will sabatoge all out work. She had helped me a lot. She has been my partner through a lot and then my enemy many times. She uses her work against me too. Please help me understand what's going on! I know there's a part of her that loves me! I don't want to be evil back to make her leave. Especially if she might do something verdictive! There or no bounds with her. And I can't get though to her. She says she can't change. She says she's always been this way. And I am now finally confessing to her I can't do this anymore if she continues this. Which she says I don't love her enough. Or love her for who she is. No matter what she has me! I am now at the point where I don't talk to her much and I'm hoping she stops loving me first so it would make is easier on me. I have lost all my romantic feelings for her. I used to be stressed all the time that she would freak out and abuse me and hurt me both physically and emotionally. I Don't know how I put up with this. I am a strong guy but I'm too nice and kind. She said her last bf beat her up all the time. I could see why. I don't ever want to stupe to that level. So I need out now! There are no good ways to do it. I'm afraid she doesn't really love me and would do anything in her power to hurt me if I left her. She has plenty to use against me. Maybe somebody can help me on here. I don't know any more options. I'm having to be away from her to write this. She knows something is up because I have been very quite today. I'm afraid of what I will go hole to. I can't be honest with her. I can't communicate with her. She's in constant witch mode. She acts nice only to be nasty and combative. All I have ever wanted was peace and love. She can't just let it be that way. She wants to fight often then be loving. As if nothing ever happened. I always forgive her and say I still love her. But she's draining my emotions for her. Thank you if you read through all this. I can't thank you enough! Maybe I can relate with someone else at the least. God bless you and stay positive. I'm doing my best to survive.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Samuel7 and

i hope you found a level of catharsis in sharing your story with us, it feels good to get it out, and it helps to talk. i am certain many members here can relate to your story.

it does sound like youre exhausted and feeling trapped, im sorry to hear that  . you do have options, and things can get better, even though it may not feel that way right now. have you had an opportunity to read through the lessons we have here? you can find them directly to the right.

how are you feeling today, Samuel7?