Codependent? no.. just a nice guy?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Prior to having a year long relationship with my uBPDxgf. I recall just being a happy, helpful, caring and generous person. I gave as much as I got with friends and family alike.

So, Since when do we classify our healthy generous behaviors has being codependent? Fact is, my ex with BPD traits had $30,000 in student loans, was a social worker that got paid nothing. Plus, she just moved back to the area was living again at home with her mom at 35. Her mom who, would you believe treated her like a 15 year old?  ANYWAY.

Isn't the nice thing to do is pay for her all the time? She would offer sometimes but, I felt badly having her pay given her circumstances. Is that codependency or simple kindness and generosity while being thoughtful towards her situation? She never paid for one thing while we were together. I changed the oil in her car, bought new tires... tried to get her job opportunities and interviews with people i knew in her industry. Gave her my "Artist Way" book to help focus her 'energeies (or insecurities?)'. Damn, I even mixed her coffee (cream /sugar) for her every morning she would stay over at my home.

I guess after reading the Magnetic Syndrome, I'm not quite buying into being a codependent. I just don't fit the traits. I'm reading it, the entire book and am trying to see myself in the equation but — the more i read the less I believed I'm a codependent personality. I think I just got poisoned with crazy.

So — What's so wrong about taking good care of the one you love? Aren't these expressions of generosity also considered 'normal' healthy bonding traits we do for our mates in a loving relationship?

perplexed?

[Mars22]

Prior to having a year long relationship with my uBPDxgf. I recall just being a happy, helpful, caring and generous person. I gave as much as I got with friends and family alike.

So, Since when do we classify our healthy generous behaviors has being codependent? Fact is, my ex with BPD traits had $30,000 in student loans, was a social worker that got paid nothing. Plus, she just moved back to the area was living again at home with her mom at 35. Her mom who, would you believe treated her like a 15 year old?  ANYWAY.

Isn't the nice thing to do is pay for her all the time? She would offer sometimes but, I felt badly having her pay given her circumstances. Is that codependency or simple kindness and generosity while being thoughtful towards her situation? She never paid for one thing while we were together. I changed the oil in her car, bought new tires... tried to get her job opportunities and interviews with people i knew in her industry. Gave her my "Artist Way" book to help focus her 'energeies (or insecurities?)'. Damn, I even mixed her coffee (cream /sugar) for her every morning she would stay over at my home.

I guess after reading the Magnetic Syndrome, I'm not quite buying into being a codependent. I just don't fit the traits. I'm reading it, the entire book and am trying to see myself in the equation but — the more i read the less I believed I'm a codependent personality. I think I just got poisoned with crazy.

So — What's so wrong about taking good care of the one you love? Aren't these expressions of generosity also considered 'normal' healthy bonding traits we do for our mates in a loving relationship?

perplexed?

[Makersmarksman]

Well there is nothing wrong with being that type of person in my opinion,  as long as your needs are being met in kind.  That sounds like a healthy relationship to me. You are also a prime target for a Bpd.

Also,  there is a rapidly growing social consensus that nice guys are no longer wanted by women, groups like MGTOW are attempting to model men in a new way for a new age,  as primal hunters and frankly teaching misogyny as a lifestyle.

You can't change who you are,  I believe there are plenty of women that appreciate a strong and sensitive man,  but  again if your partner is a Bpd you will eventually be devalued and discarded,  with certainty

[Ahoy]

I too have read the book and was confused about my thoughts on it.

The fact is, from what I read, you still rode in on your stallion to help save the day. Don't worry you can leave your horse next to mine. Maybe they can be friends.

Remember, if the book is to be believed the scale is a continuum. I would place myself personally around -2 maybe -3, no way do I feel fully co-dependent. I gave back as good as she took sometimes and I did hold my ground with a lot of things.

I also go walked over in a lot of areas too. In life I can be selfish, in relationships I'm definitely a rescuer. Her needs (usually come before mine)

A lot of what I understand about a healthy relationship is that an emotionally healthy person shouldn't need to helped/prodded/assisted by their SO. They should actively be doing these things themselves.