How do you work through and overcome the abuse & worst thing they could ever do?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Pretty much just this. I have a lot of suppressed anger and feelings. The last couple weeks he's starting to stabilize after 4-5 years of severe mental illness. I love him, very much, but I don't know how to overcome the effect his abuse and complete betrayal of me has left me with. I really struggle not to just be in denial because it's easier to do than admit someone I love hurt me so much or betrayed me so deeply. My trust is shattered. I want it back, but I don't know how to find it again. I just want to pretend it didn't happen but I can't. And I don't know how to work through this and get to a point I can move forward. Basically just from how abusive he was to me and a couple of things he did that were the worst possible thing he could ever have done. The sad thing is, that's why he did it at the time. He wanted to end things. That was before he was diagnosed. All he has to do is be snippy with me or critical of me and I'm  angry. He actually apologized to me for hurting my feelings for the first time in years last night. And all I wanted to do is go to sleep. Has anyone found a way through this… somehow? I don't know what to do with myself. I'm already in therapy.

[Shadow Darkheart]

Pretty much just this. I have a lot of suppressed anger and feelings. The last couple weeks he's starting to stabilize after 4-5 years of severe mental illness. I love him, very much, but I don't know how to overcome the effect his abuse and complete betrayal of me has left me with. I really struggle not to just be in denial because it's easier to do than admit someone I love hurt me so much or betrayed me so deeply. My trust is shattered. I want it back, but I don't know how to find it again. I just want to pretend it didn't happen but I can't. And I don't know how to work through this and get to a point I can move forward. Basically just from how abusive he was to me and a couple of things he did that were the worst possible thing he could ever have done. The sad thing is, that's why he did it at the time. He wanted to end things. That was before he was diagnosed. All he has to do is be snippy with me or critical of me and I'm  angry. He actually apologized to me for hurting my feelings for the first time in years last night. And all I wanted to do is go to sleep. Has anyone found a way through this… somehow? I don't know what to do with myself. I'm already in therapy.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JQ]

Hello SD, 

Welcome to the group       I'm sorry that you're hear but glad that you found us.  You've done the most important part of YOU taking care of YOU! That's find a good therapist that is experienced in BPD/NON aka Care Giver aka Codependent r/s.  This is key to your continued recovery, assisting you in your frustrations, your fears, your thoughts & emotions surrounding your BPD r/s.  I would also recommend you read the references at the top of the page & to the right ----------------->>>>>>>>>>

It's ok to feel the anger that you are, BPD is a VERY Serious Cluster B Mental illness that has tested the best of people.  Take a deep breath and know that you're among friends who have been where you are, felt what you have, and we got to the other side. You're embarking on a journey that only you can walk but when you stumble and you will, we all have. Look behind you and you'll see us the group      behind you holding out a hand to pull you back up, dust you off and send you back on your way.   

YOU have to take an active role in your own recovery and there are things we've learned that we share with you to help you get through the tough moments.  Get out and take a walk, a mile at first, it'll only take about 15-20 minutes on a bad day. This does a couple of things for you, it helps you reduce your stress & get the good endorphins running through your body.  Next you need to make sure you're eating right and stay away from the junk food because nothing good comes from it.      Then reach out to an old friend who you haven't talk to in awhile, and get caught up. This is good for your soul and reconnecting with old friends you have missed.  Then make sure you're getting some sleep because chances are you're not sleeping well like all of us have experienced.  If you aren't sleeping well, go to the grocery store in your vitamin isle and pick up a bottle of melatonin. DON"T WORRY it's not a drug, but a natural hormone that your body produces in the brain to help you fall asleep. When the body is under a lot of stress, it doesn't make it as much as it should so you need to supplement it.  I take 30mgs to help me, again it's not a drug and safe to take and will help you relax you to get some much needed sleep. You need the much needed REM sleep to help your mind and body heal for the next day challenges.

Next, it helps to talk about things as you have learned going to your T. Come back here and let us know how you're doing. Let us know as much detail as you want ... .we're anonymous here so feel free to tell us what you're comfortable with. It's really therapeutic at times to get some things off your chest. The group is alway here no matter what time or day to bounce thoughts off of or run an idea by us or just have someone to talk too. We're world wide from England & other parts in Europe to New Zealand, and the US of course.     

You're among friends SD, you will get through this and things will get better!  They always get better!

J