Ex logged into my Facebook

[Dazed and...]

Hi everyone!  First off I want to say that I've lurked on here for over a month now and reading your posts have been a huge help to me, so thank you for that!

I never thought I would actually post something here, but today something confusing for me has happened.

I was discarded after a 3 year relationship early March, then recycled a week later, only to be discarded again a week after that.  I now know that my exBPDgf left me for a replacement the second discard, and had tried to leave me for a different replacement the first time.  While with her I had no idea about BPD, but since our break up I have done research and its crazy how much she fits nearly all of the classic BPD symptoms and how our relationship followed the BPD guideline of intense idealization, devaluation and ultimately discard.

My last communication with her was almost a month ago, and was concerning the dog that we had shared, but ownership was in my name.  She expected us to share custody of the dog and see each other every week to exchange the dog and do activities together.  She also wanted to remain friends, but I told her I wasn't interested in that.  I played along for a couple of weeks because I needed her to move out and get her name off of our lease as peacefully as possible, I felt guilty over deceiving her, but she had become increasingly violent with me and had threatened me several times (which she conveniently would forget doing) and I did not know what she was capable of.

I finally let her know that I would not be sharing the dog and that I knew about her and the replacement, her cheating and her many many lies.  She called me, threatening to kill me, take me to court, press charges against me, accused me of being abusive (projecting), continued to deny any wrongdoing etc etc etc.  I finally told her to never contact me again.  The last I heard of her was a voicemail left that same night threatening to take me to court and saying I would never see our dog again (the dog that's sitting right next to me as I type this btw).

So that leads us to today.  Today I noticed on my FB account that a guy I did not know accepted MY friend request, and I certainly did not send it.  I look at the guy's profile, no mutual friends, I've never seen or heard of him before (and he isn't even one of my ex's close friends), he is from my ex's hometown and has a lot of mutual friends with her.  I had not changed my password (I honestly didn't think to do so) and I'm pretty sure she knew what the password was.  So I guess my question is, why?  It makes no sense.  Why after a month of no contact would she log into my FB account and add a random guy from her hometown as a friend?  Of course I immediately deleted him from my friends list and changed the passwords to every site I could think of.

I'll admit that I broke NC and checked her FB account after noticing this, and its not what I expected.  There are no pictures of the replacement, which is odd for her because during our idealization phase she plastered pictures everywhere (the same with other exes of hers), her cover picture is a picture of our dog, and her bio now just says "I love life!", which knowing her translates to "I hate life!"

[drummerboy5]

Thanks for sharing your story and I'm sorry you went through all that non sense. I'm wondering if she logged onto your fb to check if you are talking to other women via messenger? Maybe she added the guy to let you know she was on your fb or hell she might of forgot she was on your fb and thought she was on hers(drinking) My ex forgot things she did all the time... If an exBPD has passwords believe me they will snoop.

[Dazed and...]

Thanks for sharing your story and I'm sorry you went through all that non sense. I'm wondering if she logged onto your fb to check if you are talking to other women via messenger? Maybe she added the guy to let you know she was on your fb or hell she might of forgot she was on your fb and thought she was on hers(drinking) My ex forgot things she did all the time... If an exBPD has passwords believe me they will snoop.

Thank you for the reply!  I considered that she might have done it hoping I would notice and contact her, my friends have told me that she has posted some things on instagram directed towards me and trying to get a rise out of me (I haven't checked it thankfully).  She also moved into an apartment right down the street from me, claiming it was all she could find in her price range, which is complete BS as we live in a city with hundreds of apartment complexes matching her needs.  I don't think she forgot it was her FB, she is overly cautious when snooping.

I guess trying to understand their motives is an exercise in futility?  My worry is that she will keep doing things like this, or eventually contact me directly.  This has been the most painful experience of my life, I know she is toxic for me, but I'm self-aware enough to know that I am vulnerable to her and her charms.

My hope is that she will leave me alone and let me heal in peace.

[drummerboy5]

I don't think we will ever make sense of their behaviors... My exBPD/npd is 7 months prego and silent as can be... Heres The thing I've noticed, even if they don't want you they don't want anyone else to have you either... I'm almost positive your ex with try and  reengage again...

I really don't think she forgot she was on your fb either and I agree that she wanted you to know... my ex will do stuff on fb for me or my friends to see and I know it's to get a reaction out of me... PwBPD don't care if the reactions is good or bad they just want some reaction from my experience at least.

[Hadlee]

I've had two emails sent to me in the last few months with a link to reset my password for an online account.  The thing is... .I didn't request a password reset!

I assume it's my pwBPD's way of "reaching out".  Rather than contact me directly, they will do this rubbish in the hope I contact them.

Childish behavior 101

[lunchbox123]

If you aren't friends on fb and you have most things set to private she may have added that account so she can keep tabs on what you're doing later on. She would have an account on the inside so to speak so she can still see all your posts.

You can also see where your account was accessed from in the Settings -> Security -> Where You're Logged In

just my $0.02

[JerryRG]

My exgf hacked my fb and left a message, "I don't like fb and I'm going to delete my account so stop messaging me"

My friends asked why I posted this, I changed my password immediately.

[Hadlee]

I received another Facebook friend request today from a new account.  No friends.  Fake profile picture.

Ugh it doesn't seem to end!

[JerryRG]

Someone called pwBPD boundary busters, so no it never ends.

Certainly lack of respect and childlike behavior

[Hadlee]

Someone called pwBPD boundary busters, so no it never ends.

Certainly lack of respect and childlike behavior

Yeah great!

The longer I've been out, the more convinced I am they they never detach.  I have mentioned before that's it's been 18 months now... .still going strong with the craziness!

At least I can chuckle about it

[drummerboy5]

My  exBPD/npd and I split in December. She unblocked me on fb a month ago after being blocked since December. Before she unblocked me I recived several fake fb friend request which I deleted... Was it her trying to gain access to my fb page? Is that why she finally unblocked me to snoop my public pics and post? Coincidence? I think not?

Btw I was only unblocked for a few days

[JerryRG]

My exgf was still ruminating over her ex husband and that was 4 years ago, I'm not sure my exgf is typical but she don't let go of significant relationships, her and I were on and off 4 years, she was married about a year. We were engaged twice but my instincts and her crazy were very evident so thankfully I didn't take the gentle leap of death into eternal bliss. 

[Hadlee]

My  exBPD/npd and I split in December. She unblocked me on fb a month ago after being blocked since December. Before she unblocked me I recived several fake fb friend request which I deleted... Was it her trying to gain access to my fb page? Is that why she finally unblocked me to snoop my public pics and post? Coincidence? I think not?

Btw I was only unblocked for a few days

My T told me to always trust my gut instinct; my first thought as it's always right.

And yours doesn't sound like a co-incidence at all.  

[Fogclearing]

Hi everyone! I know our BPD exes do a LOT of WEIRD stuff. But - this thing with Facebook (weird friend requests and that someone accepts a friend request from you that you know you never sent) might NOT be them. This is something that has happened to a lot of Facebook users lately. It has happened to me, it has happened to my BPD ex and it has happened to a lot of people I know and to friends of friends all over the World (most of them without BPD exes). Facebook itself seems to have turned BPD 

[Hadlee]

Hi everyone! I know our BPD exes do a LOT of WEIRD stuff. But - this thing with Facebook (weird friend requests and that someone accepts a friend request from you that you know you never sent) might NOT be them. This is something that has happened to a lot of Facebook users lately. It has happened to me, it has happened to my BPD ex and it has happened to a lot of people I know and to friends of friends all over the World (most of them without BPD exes). Facebook itself seems to have turned BPD  

There are definitely spammers/hackers out there.  I have received a couple of those, which are clearly spammers, most likely from Nigeria.

What points to the others being my ex is that there is a pattern of when I receive the request, and how they are set up.  I caught him out on the first one I received, so I have an idea about how he operates.

Either way, it's pretty ridiculous.  If I didn't use it to keep in contact with family living abroad then I would close my account.

[Hadlee]

I've been thinking about this whole fake Facebook friend request the last couple of days.  Whilst I am fairly certain that my ex is behind it, there is always that chance it could be spam.

So, to prevent any further "wondering", I changed my privacy setting so friends of friends can only send me a friend request.  Hope this eliminates any further bogus requests.

I feel much better for doing it too.  Freedom comes in stages... .a little at a time