Using lies to defend their truth? Twisted

[JerryRG]

Using a lie to prove a truth?

I was wondering how pwBPD think, how they lie to us and to others and make up so many outrageous stories. Do they truly believe these lies themselves or do they feel any shame or remorse after telling us?

Do they lie to secure sympathy from others and not realize us nons are not totally stupid?

Do they lie to everyone, even people they trust?

Do they ever stop lying one day or is it pathological and beyond their control?

And what inside of me would believe my exBPDgf would ever decide to one day be honest?

Was I stupid for hoping she would change?

I have lied too, we all have but my exgf stories were so wild and strange I still don't know truth from fiction.

I believe the lies set up a very weak base for our relationship at the very beginning and pwBPD keep doing this so their future is doomed as far as having any stable relationships?

[Herodias]

"I was wondering how pwBPD think, how they lie to us and to others and make up so many outrageous stories. Do they truly believe these lies themselves or do they feel any shame or remorse after telling us?"

No. They know what the truth is... .no, no remorse other than that they hope they don't get caught

":)o they lie to secure sympathy from others and not realize us nons are not totally stupid?"

No... .they think we will accept what they say

":)o they lie to everyone, even people they trust?"

Yes, family, friends, co-workers, doctors, lawyers,police, etc... .everyone.

":)o they ever stop lying one day or is it pathological and beyond their control?"

I do not believe they stop. It may be compulsive over pathological... .everyone may be different. They have to make an effort, but I believe it's habit.

"And what inside of me would believe my exBPDgf would ever decide to one day be honest?"

I can't believe a word my ex says. His Mother doesn't either... .

"Was I stupid for hoping she would change?"

No

[JerryRG]

Thank you Herodias

Are the lies from pwBPD one reason for FOG, when a memory pops into my mind about my exgf I just end up confused as if the events were just a bad dream.

Very confusing and frustrating to understand, people know pwBPD lie, lie, lie yet still choose to even listen. I started tuning my ex out after while but I still feel sometimes I failed to convince her lying was wrong and disrespectful.

Immature thinking on both our parts

[Herodias]

I think the lies stem from being a child wanting to be good and please their parents. Not wanting to be in trouble. So, here in adulthood, they lie for the same reason, but also to make themselves look good, to hide a truth, to gaslight us and to get themselves out of things. Mine lied all the time... .I just became used to it. It was like I knew when he told me what time he would be home from work, it would never be that way by the end of the day. He would either be early or late. He liked it that way, so he could fool around with women or go out drinking with people and I wouldn't expect him home at any particular time. I found out he lied to his boss at work, claiming he was in war while in the Marines. Trying to relate to his boss. He was a Marine like his boss, but he didn't go to war. In order to not get caught, he watched lots of shows and movies on war and use those stories. He was very good at remembering what he saw. He would also lie if he was overwhelmed and needed to come home from work. I had found out several times that he told work that I had breast cancer, my Dad died, his Family member died... .etc. I would find out because I would get a sympathy card from the store he worked at or I would have people ask me how I was doing when I went into the store. Then I would cover for him which I now know was a big mistake, but I didn't want him fired and I didn't want the raging. I didn't ever believe much that he said, I would just let most of it roll off my back. The problem was when he would tell me huge things were happening and then I would make plans for that... .such as he was being promoted and we were moving out of state. We even put the house on the market! Yes, we put up with too much... .Funny thing, one of the last posts to the public on Facebook his gf had said "when you don't know What the heck is happening"... .I laugh, because that is pretty much what life is like with them! So he is still doing it ... .nothing changes. His Mother told me she doesn't believe anything he says. I also see now what she doesn't tell him allot, because she is not sure what he will do with the info. We were not so smart in putting up with it, but now we know. I believe if you catch someone in a lie-walk away! He lied to me the night I met him in a bar... .I though, oh, poor guy was just embarrassed of what he was doing... .I will make him feel good about himself. How stupid is that? I should have walked away. He lied about where he worked and what he drove the night we met. I ran into him and found out the truth. Instead of walking away, I ran towards him. That was my self esteem. I am listening to Charles Stanley right now... .He is saying right now- you have to count on someone who will be truthful always. Stay away from someone who cannot, you will never be able to trust them or count on them. Ironic isn't it? That's the truth!

[JerryRG]

Thank you Herodias

Charles Stanley is one of my favorites as well, have a wondeful day!

[Herodias]

Thanks - you too!

[mywifecrazy]

Thank you Herodias

Charles Stanley is one of my favorites as well, have a wondeful day!

I think Charles Stanley is awesome too 

MWC 

[MapleBob]

Honestly, I don't think they even know that they're lying. I think that they have a labile grip on objective reality and that their ever-changing emotional landscape renders them unable to have stable, factual landmarks as points of reference. They bend reality around themselves to suit their internal purposes - and when the inside landscape changes the outside landscape changes too.

I think that mentally and emotionally healthy people are capable of applying meaning to events and maintaining that meaning. pwBPD are not capable of doing that apparently. So we try to relate to them, we try to accept and base decisions on the meaning that they've ascribed to events and people, but that meaning is constantly changing, so it drives us FREAKING NUTS right along with them.

[Herodias]

They know they are lying... .they sometimes twist the truth to make it fit. We all do that sometimes... .base our reality to suit the way we think. Such as my husband told me he thought the gf was better suited to him because they were at the same level. Now I know that they are at the same level work wise and maybe maturity, but it doesn't make her right for him as they are from two totally different upbringings and it will come crashing down. But he said this to justify his actions... .But they know when they are flat out lying. Narcissists do it just to see if they can get away with it... .It proves to them how gullible we are.

[JerryRG]

Hello Herodias

That certainly seems true in my case, my exgf would lie then look at me like I was stupid for believing her as if everyone in this world lies to loves ones and it's normal and only a fool would believe anything anyone says. I'm wrong and gullible for assuming honesty is normal for healthy relationships?

A friend told me to start being an a hole like my exgf and stop being a whimp, um no thank you it takes more courage to believe in the good in people than be like my exgf and trust no one and live a lonely paranoid existence. No thank you, honesty is always best. How do we find any healthy relationships anywhere if we lie?