Overcoming the Physical Pain?

[HighDingyDoo7]

Hey everyone,

     I am looking for advice on overcoming the immense physical pain that often occurs with these kinds of emotionally damaging situations. I am currently seeing a professional therapist to help me through the emotional journey, but the physical aspect is something entirely different.

     I am worried to go to a standard medical doctor and reveal just what miserable physical condition I am in. I am not suicidal or self-harming, and cringe at the idea of harming anyone else. I don't even eat meat or harm small insects. Nonetheless, I feel like there is a stigma, and if a doctor saw the amount of physical stress that I am enduring, could feel compelled to hospitalize me. I think that a hospital room is the last place I should be right now.

     For the past week I have eaten virtually nothing... .one small meal a day at the most. I get ravenously hungry, but immediately feel full and extremely queasy once I start eating. My intestines have a constantly sore, bloated, backed up feeling. I need to get outside, stay active, and immerse myself in nature, but I am more drained and exhausted than I could ever have thought possible. I am generally coping, but nights are the hardest of all. I am waking up with heart palpitations, hyperventilating, and averaging about two hours of sleep with constant nightmares related to the relationship.

     I am having trouble driving, or even speaking to people. Even drinking water makes me feel 'heavy' inside.

     Again, I am seeing a professional to help with the emotional aspect, but don't know what to do to get my body to 'shut up' and move on. I have often read that in cultures where hexes and curses are common, people actually die after being cursed. I can now totally understand that concept, and it is downright terrifying.

     Thank you again for all of your support. Sending out hugs and good wishes to everyone.

     

[balletomane]

Psychological and physical welfare are closely related - our brain is a body part, after all. I think we sometimes forget that. When my ex discarded me I couldn't eat, had constant painful heaviness in the chest, was tired all the time, having bad dreams, and suffering from diarrhoea constantly. I lost significant weight very rapidly and became unhealthily thin.

The main way out was to concentrate on the emotional side, as these physical symptoms were only there because I'd just suffered huge emotional upheaval. It sounds as though you're already doing that. In the meantime, here are a few things that might help you to be more comfortable physically: try eating little and often, and begin with foods that are easy to stomach and swallow (I found fruit juice and 'juicy' fruits like peaches were the easiest). Take at least a daily walk, and build your way up to more outdoor time once you've successfully incorporated this into your schedule. It will make you feel much better. It may help to sleep in a different room, or at least to change your bedding and the position of your bed - this is what I did and while it didn't stop the nightmares or night-time grief completely, it did help. A bedtime self-care ritual of a hot drink and some nice music can help, along with reading a good book, writing a list of things to be glad about from that day/worries to throw away, or whatever else helps you.

None of these are quick fixes, but by putting into place these little strategies, it will gradually become easier to sleep more and to nourish yourself.

[khibomsis]

HDD, balletomane's advice is good. I also find essential oils really helpful in helping the body adapt to emotional pain. Chamomile, rose geranium and lavender for anxiety, especially those night time blues. Vanilla, cinnamon are comforting - there is some scientific backing to the hot drink method because cocoa contains theobromin which is a natural anti-depressant.  Passionflower and melatonin for good sleep (the last a naturally occurring substance that your body is probably short of at the moment. You can get it the drugstore). Citrus, especially lime, and mint for when you struggle to get going in the morning. I actually carry a dispenser around with me that I fill with my own mix.

Mind/body techniques like meditation and yoga to get your brainwaves back to full functioning.  Pick a self-soothing technique and make space in your day to practice it. I play with colour and form myself but that probably reminds you too much of your ex. How about music? You will feel better with time. People generally say about 30 days of NC marks the turning point when they start to substantially improve.  , khib

[rfriesen]

HDD7, I'm so sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. I can relate to a lot of that -- especially the incredible hunger yet inability to eat because of nausea and a sense of heaviness, the fatigue, waking up with heart palpitations (I had that BAD for several weeks), and general sense of anxiety and dread. It's a terrible experience and I really feel for you.

The posts above give some great advice. I'll just add that for me meditation and long walks listening to music helped get me through some of the worst physical sensations. It sometimes took a real effort to force myself to get going with meditating or walking, but it always helped once I did. And it helped to lay down healthier habits. So much is about habits. On top of the above symptoms, I went through a kind of intense sexual withdrawal after the break-up with my ex. We had an intensely sexual relationship and, when it ended, I didn't know how to cope at first. I didn't want to just rush out and try to hook up with new people, because I was hurting so much and had had such a deep, though troubled, emotional connection with my ex too. It took a lot of hard hard work, and basically just time, to redirect that energy in a way that didn't hurt so much -- again, for me, meditations and long walks were a huge help in starting to feel physically (and emotionally) healthier. It's a gradual process, though, with lots of backsliding that I still experience.

I hope you start feeling better soon. One thing my therapist said that helped -- try not to worry about "fixing" or "curing" anything when you feel the pain or negative emotions. It's true that sometimes they're hard to endure and we just want it to end and to feel happy again. But, to the extent possible, try to observe the pain - see if you can name the feeling (I had a lot of "sinking in my gut" and feeling "hollow in my upper chest", that kind of thing) or if it has a smell or colour or taste that you can identify. Over time, I found I was able to sit with my pain and observe it and, although that doesn't make it go away, being able to observe gives a sense of control and - sometimes - some sense of peace. Everything is temporary, everything changes eventually - even if it feels like an eternity now. So if we must go through this pain, one thing we can do is observe it along the way, find what patience and peace we can ... .and hopefully then appreciate a return to health all the more when it does finally come.