Another nail in the coffin

[steelwork]

Please don't ask me how I know this.

He just started working at the company where my replacement's father works. Seeing that, I realized I was hoping they's split up. Why? Because I haven't totally let go of hope. Because I hoped this was all a big mistake. Because of my complicated, sour earlier history with my replacement, who I tried to befriend for years but who was nasty and competitive with me.

I mean, this is stupid how bad I feel. Obviously he's gone gone gone.

[Lifewriter16]

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling bad steelwork. However, in my opinion, it is not the slightest bit stupid to feel bad and to be in tremendous pain after the breakup of any relationship, especially a BPD relationship. You would do well to be kinder to yourself in your pain.

In my experience, acceptance that a relationship is over comes gradually and is built upon lots of little incidents that we have to grieve one by one as they come up. Allow yourself to feel bad. Allow yourself to cry or to bash up cushions if you feel angry. Find a way to express those emotions that feel so hard to handle and gradually, you will feel better.

Sending you some hugs.

Lifewriter x

[harleyquinn]

Completely understand how you feel. I've been replaced too and whilst I know I can't ever go back I just wish he was available.

[balletomane]

I understand.

My replacement (my ex's flatmate) wasn't nasty to me. She seemed to like me and it was if she was actively trying to make friends. One day we bumped into each other on campus and she asked me to have lunch with her. She was asking all sorts of questions about my breakup with her flatmate and she said, "I'm always trying to matchmake between you two. Why don't you get back together?" I was very uncomfortable as it was a sore spot and I didn't feel able to tell her we were still romantically involved - he didn't want her to know. Two weeks later, they were together, and I realised that this conversation hadn't been about her trying to "fix what's broken" (her words) but about her fishing for info about whether she had a chance with him now.

A week or two ago I discovered they're still together after thirteen months, and from the outside it looks like they're really happy. That made me feel sour and bitter and I realised I was clinging onto a similar hope to yours. I wouldn't want to get back together with him - that bridge is burnt, gone - but the idea that the two of them could just skip off and be happy after they'd both lied to me doesn't feel good. If it didn't work out with me, I didn't want it to work out with her either. (And to be honest, I think it won't in the end, but it shouldn't matter to me what they're doing or where they are now. Yet it still does.)