Internet stalking from a BPD view

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

For those of you curious about Internet stalking, and just how sick these people are, check out the provided link. Apparently stalking is a way to keep an attachment without any risk (SICK!).

https://m.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/3m9pal/obsessive_internet_stalking/

[sweet tooth]

For those of you curious about Internet stalking, and just how sick these people are, check out the provided link. Apparently stalking is a way to keep an attachment without any risk (SICK!).

https://m.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/3m9pal/obsessive_internet_stalking/

[hurting300]

I'm not gonna lie I stalked mine online but she had the baby.

[sweet tooth]

I'm not gonna lie I stalked mine online but she had the baby.

What? I don't understand.

[hurting300]

I'm not gonna lie I stalked mine online but she had the baby.

What? I don't understand.

She ran away with our baby and when into silence. I had zero clue where they were so I had to "stalk" to find them.

[hurting300]

And I have custody. Even the judge said she would stalk someone too if they ran away with her kid. They are all different.

[sweet tooth]

I'm not gonna lie I stalked mine online but she had the baby.

What? I don't understand.

She ran away with our baby and when into silence. I had zero clue where they were so I had to "stalk" to find them.

I'm sorry to hear that. That's horrible.

[Hadlee]

I've read before that it's a way to keep the attachment and feel connected to us.  I actually find it rather sad.

[sweet tooth]

I've read before that it's a way to keep the attachment and feel connected to us.  I actually find it rather sad.

It's tragic! Why not just pick up the phone and call like a normal person?

[Hadlee]

It's tragic! Why not just pick up the phone and call like a normal person?

I've asked the same question a million times and still I don't have the answer.  Perhaps it's their fear of rejection.  Or it could possibly be the fact there are no phones on planet loon

[hurting300]

Every BPD is different, mine is more NPD she does the silence to punish. I mean she said so herself. Now granted had we not had a baby I wouldn't care what she did.

[Confused108]

Every BPD is different, mine is more NPD she does the silence to punish. I mean she said so herself. Now granted had we not had a baby I wouldn't care what she did.

Mine did the silent treatment too after she discarded me thru an email! She picked up the phone once to me right after she sent the email. After that she never picked it up again. I sent her email after email asking her why she just did to me what she basically did to me again as a teen. After a while she said to me since my silence is not getting thru to you... .Blah blah. Also after my discard I had been getting Fake FB messages . Just saying HI Dear. This started on New Years Eve. I didn't notice it bc the message went to my spam  box. Then the last one I got was a Person named Gift Love and their profile pic said Heart Injured.  Well I got it as soon as the message was sent. I then replied hi so and so. Well since then I never got another fake FB message. Now I get hang ups on my cell or blocked numbers. It's is nuts! I mean if you want to talk to me say something! Stop these Bull $hit games! My ex also has blocked me on FB since October of last year and to my knowledge I'm still blocked. But here is something I find curious. Our mutual friend told me that last year my ex had a snow pic as her FB background . I love snow and my ex knows this. Now our mutual friend told me her new background pic is an artist painting. Well I'm an artist and do a lot of paintings and sculptures. My ex never put this kind of stuff up before in the years that I've been friends with her on FB. I'm not saying it's anything ... .But I find it strange!

[sweet tooth]

Every BPD is different, mine is more NPD she does the silence to punish. I mean she said so herself. Now granted had we not had a baby I wouldn't care what she did.

Mine did the silent treatment too after she discarded me thru an email! She picked up the phone once to me right after she sent the email. After that she never picked it up again. I sent her email after email asking her why she just did to me what she basically did to me again as a teen. After a while she said to me since my silence is not getting thru to you... .Blah blah. Also after my discard I had been getting Fake FB messages . Just saying HI Dear. This started on New Years Eve. I didn't notice it bc the message went to my spam  box. Then the last one I got was a Person named Gift Love and their profile pic said Heart Injured.  Well I got it as soon as the message was sent. I then replied hi so and so. Well since then I never got another fake FB message. Now I get hang ups on my cell or blocked numbers. It's is nuts! I mean if you want to talk to me say something! Stop these Bull $hit games!

Agree 100%

[once removed]

cyber peeking is extremely, and increasingly common. im guilty of having done it myself and id assert a high percentage of members here are. it being a way of maintaining attachment without risk, id say is kind of a given.

more importantly, as much as we want answers, "these people" are not proxies for our exes and as such cant provide reliable insight into their heads.

[sweet tooth]

cyber peeking is extremely, and increasingly common. im guilty of having done it myself and id assert a high percentage of members here are. it being a way of maintaining attachment without risk, id say is kind of a given.

more importantly, as much as we want answers, "these people" are not proxies for our exes and as such cant provide reliable insight into their heads.

Occasional "peeking" out of curiosity is much different than routine monitoring due to compulsion.

[once removed]

and thats your situation, sweet tooth. my point isnt that that isnt happening to you, but that trying to infer what it means from anonymous strangers on the internet, or seeing it through the lens of BPD (members frequently do what you are describing, among other methods) arent going to get you especially far.

why do you think your ex is routinely/compulsively monitoring you?

[Hadlee]

I get the peeking.  I'm sure we've all looked out of curiosity.  What makes it different for me is that they go further than just looking.  I've received another notification today that someone has tried logging into one of my online accounts.  It's the third I have received in recent months.  Now that's stalking!

[sweet tooth]

and thats your situation, sweet tooth. my point isnt that that isnt happening to you, but that trying to infer what it means from anonymous strangers on the internet, or seeing it through the lens of BPD (members frequently do what you are describing, among other methods) arent going to get you especially far.

why do you think your ex is routinely/compulsively monitoring you?

I have no idea. Control? To care about me from a distance? To see if I'm with someone else? I really don't know.

[hurting300]

Every BPD is different, mine is more NPD she does the silence to punish. I mean she said so herself. Now granted had we not had a baby I wouldn't care what she did.

Mine did the silent treatment too after she discarded me thru an email! She picked up the phone once to me right after she sent the email. After that she never picked it up again. I sent her email after email asking her why she just did to me what she basically did to me again as a teen. After a while she said to me since my silence is not getting thru to you... .Blah blah. Also after my discard I had been getting Fake FB messages . Just saying HI Dear. This started on New Years Eve. I didn't notice it bc the message went to my spam  box. Then the last one I got was a Person named Gift Love and their profile pic said Heart Injured.  Well I got it as soon as the message was sent. I then replied hi so and so. Well since then I never got another fake FB message. Now I get hang ups on my cell or blocked numbers. It's is nuts! I mean if you want to talk to me say something! Stop these Bull $hit games! My ex also has blocked me on FB since October of last year and to my knowledge I'm still blocked. But here is something I find curious. Our mutual friend told me that last year my ex had a snow pic as her FB background . I love snow and my ex knows this. Now our mutual friend told me her new background pic is an artist painting. Well I'm an artist and do a lot of paintings and sculptures. My ex never put this kind of stuff up before in the years that I've been friends with her on FB. I'm not saying it's anything ... .But I find it strange!

Yes, I have had so many of these little coincidences! Such as, she tells everyone I beat her and she had to escape. Well if I'm such a bad man why has her friends not deleted me yet on Facebook? So strange because I would delete some guy I didn't know if I thought he beat my friend? But hey, they can watch me. I enjoy it

[balletomane]

Mine did the silent treatment too after she discarded me thru an email! She picked up the phone once to me right after she sent the email. After that she never picked it up again. I sent her email after email asking her why she just did to me what she basically did to me again as a teen. After a while she said to me since my silence is not getting thru to you... .Blah blah. Also after my discard I had been getting Fake FB messages . Just saying HI Dear. This started on New Years Eve. I didn't notice it bc the message went to my spam  box. Then the last one I got was a Person named Gift Love and their profile pic said Heart Injured.  Well I got it as soon as the message was sent. I then replied hi so and so. Well since then I never got another fake FB message. Now I get hang ups on my cell or blocked numbers. It's is nuts! I mean if you want to talk to me say something! Stop these Bull $hit games! My ex also has blocked me on FB since October of last year and to my knowledge I'm still blocked. But here is something I find curious. Our mutual friend told me that last year my ex had a snow pic as her FB background . I love snow and my ex knows this. Now our mutual friend told me her new background pic is an artist painting. Well I'm an artist and do a lot of paintings and sculptures. My ex never put this kind of stuff up before in the years that I've been friends with her on FB. I'm not saying it's anything ... .But I find it strange!

There are lots of Facebook spammers and fake accounts out there with improbable names. My spam box is full of messages like 'Hi dear' (sometimes they use my name), ':)o you have time for friendship?', and so on. Most of the time they look like creepy guys trying to hit on random women, sometimes they're possibly part of a financial scam ('I have work for you if you are interested', and sometimes they could even be spambots - weird grammar, repetitive phrasing. Profile pictures of roses and broken hearts seem to be common, as do romantic-sounding names. I don't think you can assume that your BPD ex must have a hand in this when spam is a big thing across Facebook.

To be realistic about the game-playing, I think that if you're having conversations with mutual friends about your ex's Facebook profile photos, you are participating in the game. A topic like that wouldn't come up in everyday chat unless you were willing to discuss it and consider what, if anything, it means. If you want to go no contact, that also means not keeping up with what she's doing through friends and not giving a second thought to what she puts on Facebook. I know it's hard. Sometimes I am very tempted to fish for updates from mutual acquaintances, but I know that's not going to help me in the long run, so instead I try to look at why I'm tempted, why I still want to know what's going on with him.

[Confused108]

Mine did the silent treatment too after she discarded me thru an email! She picked up the phone once to me right after she sent the email. After that she never picked it up again. I sent her email after email asking her why she just did to me what she basically did to me again as a teen. After a while she said to me since my silence is not getting thru to you... .Blah blah. Also after my discard I had been getting Fake FB messages . Just saying HI Dear. This started on New Years Eve. I didn't notice it bc the message went to my spam  box. Then the last one I got was a Person named Gift Love and their profile pic said Heart Injured.  Well I got it as soon as the message was sent. I then replied hi so and so. Well since then I never got another fake FB message. Now I get hang ups on my cell or blocked numbers. It's is nuts! I mean if you want to talk to me say something! Stop these Bull $hit games! My ex also has blocked me on FB since October of last year and to my knowledge I'm still blocked. But here is something I find curious. Our mutual friend told me that last year my ex had a snow pic as her FB background . I love snow and my ex knows this. Now our mutual friend told me her new background pic is an artist painting. Well I'm an artist and do a lot of paintings and sculptures. My ex never put this kind of stuff up before in the years that I've been friends with her on FB. I'm not saying it's anything ... .But I find it strange!

There are lots of Facebook spammers and fake accounts out there with improbable names. My spam box is full of messages like 'Hi dear' (sometimes they use my name), ':)o you have time for friendship?', and so on. Most of the time they look like creepy guys trying to hit on random women, sometimes they're possibly part of a financial scam ('I have work for you if you are interested', and sometimes they could even be spambots - weird grammar, repetitive phrasing. Profile pictures of roses and broken hearts seem to be common, as do romantic-sounding names. I don't think you can assume that your BPD ex must have a hand in this when spam is a big thing across Facebook.

To be realistic about the game-playing, I think that if you're having conversations with mutual friends about your ex's Facebook profile photos, you are participating in the game. A topic like that wouldn't come up in everyday chat unless you were willing to discuss it and consider what, if anything, it means. If you want to go no contact, that also means not keeping up with what she's doing through friends and not giving a second thought to what she puts on Facebook. I know it's hard. Sometimes I am very tempted to fish for updates from mutual acquaintances, but I know that's not going to help me in the long run, so instead I try to look at why I'm tempted, why I still want to know what's going on with him.

First of all do I believe this is my ex with these 2 fake FB messages ? Yes! Why do I believe it well let's see I Never Got anything like this before ... .Her! I have been on FB since 2007 and I only got these fake FB messages after her discard of me! I'm an ex Cop so yes it is too much of s coincedence! Just like with my phone . I have not gotten multiple calls with hang ups and blocked numbers since... .Her! Hmm let me see another coincedence maybe?  And this started around the same time as my FB messages. And as far as my exs FB page goes I can really care less what she does. Our mutual friend took liberty and told me all this . I don't sit there and stLk her since I am still blocked on FB. Thank you! A ton of ppl here have gotten fake FB messages that never gotten them before. Hmm so you want to say that there all spam? You don't know my ex? Do you? This is something she is very capable of doing.

[Hadlee]

A ton of ppl here have gotten fake FB messages that never gotten them before.

I am one of those people, Confused108. 

Yes, there are spammers out there, but they are obvious to spot.  Creepy men and usually from Nigeria.  Mine are not like that at all.  Whilst I won't go into detail of the fakes I get, there is a pattern to how each and every one of them is set up.

There is no co-incidence in my case

[GreenEyedMonster]

cyber peeking is extremely, and increasingly common. im guilty of having done it myself and id assert a high percentage of members here are. it being a way of maintaining attachment without risk, id say is kind of a given.

more importantly, as much as we want answers, "these people" are not proxies for our exes and as such cant provide reliable insight into their heads.

Occasional "peeking" out of curiosity is much different than routine monitoring due to compulsion.

"Routine monitoring" is a great phrase to describe what I have experienced.  Though I was blocked on Facebook -- and probably e-mail and his phone, who knows -- he certainly showed a great interest in my whereabouts until very recently.  How often he checks on me varies a bit depending on how things are going in his life.  Usually 2-3x per day he would check to see what my online activity was in our group of mutual friends.  That website logs the most recent visitors, so I could easily see how often he checked in, no guessing required.  In the last week or two his interest in my online activities has greatly declined and I hope this means that he is moving on to other fascinations.  It may mean he has a replacement, or I might have unintentionally done something to convince him that I am still stalking him.  It may also indicate that enough of his female friends know me and know what he did to require him to move on to a new narcissistic space.

I also received fake messages, friend requests, and hang-up phone calls to a degree I absolutely never have before.  I can't conclusively say that these are my ex, but I'm suspicious.

[sweet tooth]

I'm very active on Facebook. I've gotten the fake profile requests and messages, but they're very rare. I probably get one or the other once every 2-3 months. If you're getting then more often than that then it's probably not just a coincidence.

[Confused108]

A ton of ppl here have gotten fake FB messages that never gotten them before.

I am one of those people, Confused108.  

Yes, there are spammers out there, but they are obvious to spot.  Creepy men and usually from Nigeria.  Mine are not like that at all.  Whilst I won't go into detail of the fakes I get, there is a pattern to how each and every one of them is set up.

There is no co-incidence in my case

I agree! Yes you do have those crazy spammers out there. Just like we all have gotten spam emails as well.  But like I mentioned I have been on FB for years. Never have I ever gotten anything like this before since my ex came back and discarded me. 2 fake FB messages and not from men is her! After the last one I said hi so and so and I have never gotten another fake message again!  So yes they Do send fake Facebook messages and they aren't all Spam! For a member to say that it's not my ex sending me messages is just unreal! You don't know me... You don't know my ex... .And they certainly were not in my relationship! So unless your my ex ... .Or a friend of hers who knows this was not her I would keep my comments to myself!

[Confused108]

And yes Busygal it most likely is your ex sending you fake messages.

[BorisAcusio]

For those of you curious about Internet stalking, and just how sick these people are, check out the provided link. Apparently stalking is a way to keep an attachment without any risk (SICK!).

https://m.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/3m9pal/obsessive_internet_stalking/

According to a study, 88 percent of lovers follow their exes around on Facebook after break up.

Not merely did the vast majority stalk, but 70 percent admitted to using a mutual friend's profile or even logging in as that mutual friend to do their stalking.

Is that not painful enough for you? Well, 74 percent crept around the profile of their ex's new partner or someone they feared might be their ex's new partner.

Please don't think of these people as victims of love. For 31 percent admitted to posting pictures to try and make their exes jealous -- on the presumably logical assumption that their ex would be stalking them too.

www.cnet.com/news/88-percent-stalk-their-exes-on-facebook/

[Dhand77]

Despite blocking her on all social media, I believe my ex is finding a way to maintain tabs on me on FB. My friends on there that have her as friend like to joke that EVERY time I change my profile pic, she changes her's either the same day or the day after. When I got new glasses, 2 days later, she had new glasses. Most recently I added a black & white pic of myself, yesterday I learned, the day after I did that, guess who added a B&W pic of themselves? So yeah, she is definitely stalking the crap out of me online.

It's kind of really creepy. Almost like she's still trying to mirror me. I have a feeling that it bugs the crap out of her that I've actually started to realize that I'm happier being away from her negativity and not feeling sorry for myself anymore and it's been showing in my pics.

[Hadlee]

Despite blocking her on all social media, I believe my ex is finding a way to maintain tabs on me on FB. My friends on there that have her as friend like to joke that EVERY time I change my profile pic, she changes her's either the same day or the day after. When I got new glasses, 2 days later, she had new glasses. Most recently I added a black & white pic of myself, yesterday I learned, the day after I did that, guess who added a B&W pic of themselves? So yeah, she is definitely stalking the crap out of me online.

It's kind of really creepy. Almost like she's still trying to mirror me. I have a feeling that it bugs the crap out of her that I've actually started to realize that I'm happier being away from her negativity and not feeling sorry for myself anymore and it's been showing in my pics.

Something similar is happening to me too.  I believe the recent increase in "stalking" is due to the fact I have really moved on with my life.  I've moved in another direction - am happy, healthy and living life to the max.  I suspect it may come down to them feeling like they are losing control, or losing the attachment, which they must always maintain even if we have been discarded.

[once removed]

folks, at what point does this become us monitoring our exes monitoring us? at what point is the pot calling the kettle black?

when we block them, but continue to monitor their online activity, analyze profile pictures, and see them as confirmation, while we advertise to them how much happier we are without them in our profile pictures, chat about it with our friends, then we come here and call them stalkers, things are getting pretty convoluted, no?

it was about a month or two after my breakup that i realized my ex was getting into the email attached to my facebook and reading messages sent to me. it took a long time for me to change my password, because the truth is i was very much getting something out of knowing she was looking, and my wishful thinking that she was still attached, was in fact, keeping me very much attached. one of the emotionally hardest parts of my recovery was changing my password; when i no longer knew for myself that she was checking, accepted that things were over, and began to detach, i went into a pretty deep depression.

i get it. its confusing behavior, a conflicting message of leave me alone while i watch you (which is a message some of us are sending as well). so what do we do about it? if we dont like it, we can block, not peek ourselves, remove our social media presence, etc. or we can accept that our exes are monitoring us, and what that means to us if anything.

no one on reddit or elsewhere can tell us what is in our exes heads. over generalizing about our exes as a group, trying to determine their motivations as a group, will not end the confusion or get anyone anywhere. neither will clinging to our exes online activity or projecting what might be in their heads.

[Confused108]

Despite blocking her on all social media, I believe my ex is finding a way to maintain tabs on me on FB. My friends on there that have her as friend like to joke that EVERY time I change my profile pic, she changes her's either the same day or the day after. When I got new glasses, 2 days later, she had new glasses. Most recently I added a black & white pic of myself, yesterday I learned, the day after I did that, guess who added a B&W pic of themselves? So yeah, she is definitely stalking the crap out of me online.

It's kind of really creepy. Almost like she's still trying to mirror me. I have a feeling that it bugs the crap out of her that I've actually started to realize that I'm happier being away from her negativity and not feeling sorry for myself anymore and it's been showing in my pics.

Yes! As I stated before my ex had put a pic up of snow in her FB page and she does not like snow but she knows I do. And she now has put up an art painting and I'm an artist and I usually put up my work as my background. So yup they mirror and if I'm right with my thinking I feel my ex has made up a fake FB account to see what I'm doing.