The Baby has arrived on Facebook

[Herodias]

He just posted the picture of the three of them on Facebook an hour ago. He is just sitting there enjoying all the "likes" he is receiving. I am totally in shock over the people who are congratulating him- like his old boss who knows he is a liar and a cheater! What's up with that? I am amazingly calm! I can't explain it. I feel like some sick person thinking this, but  now he will find out what reality is and have to deal with what he has done. He did say, "well, she is pregnant, I guess I will just go with it."  Maybe he will be happy for awhile, who knows. I almost feel like they have had a whole fantasy of this baby arriving and all of the attention they will receive. Which they are right now on Facebook, but what happens when they are home and the baby is crying and they can't sleep. What happens when he has to change diapers- I think reality is going to set in. What happens when they run out of money because she is not working and will have to go back to work? He has this whole beard and mustache thing going on too. His old job wouldn't let him have that - he looks very different. He looks older too. I know I am being negative, but I am not happy my husband just had a baby with his mistress. I am not crying like I thought I would... .so that is good.  I think just more shocked by people. I guess no one knows what an abuser, alcoholic and adulterer he is but me! It's just disgusting! I have heard enough of your stories in how pwBPD handle their children... .that poor little girl. I hope for her sake this young woman wakes up!

[Hadlee]

I'll say it again, Blue.  For the love of all things that are good in this world, stop torturing yourself by looking at his Facebook page.  You may be calm now, but reality will kick you in the coming days.

Your lawyer has enough evidence to go on now.  There is no reason for you to keep checking Facebook.

Get out there and spoil yourself - you deserve it 

[Herodias]

You are right busygall... .I spoke too soon. Now I am crying. All I can think of right now is how he told me he was infertile.  How he didn't want children. He is such a liar. Getting me pregnant too. Sometimes I think he was unhappy I lost the baby, but then reality sets in and I know I am happy I don't have to deal with him having to share a child with me.  I sent the picture to the lawyer- I am done... .I don't need to see anymore. I know the baby is born. I hope he is happy with his big accomplishment.

[Hadlee]

I know, Blue, I know.  Seeing something like that can be devistating when we are still enmeshed.  Let the tears flow, get it out of your system rather than bottle it up.

Give yourself closure now, and permission to move on with your life.  He is no longer your husband, it's only on paper, that's it... .for now.

You will go on to live a happy life.  And who knows... .maybe you'll hook up with George Clooney.  Well, that's if he's your type

I'm sending you lots of cyber hugs right now

[Itstopsnow]

I know this must be so devastating for you! I can't imagine if I was going through this. I really feel for you! You are amazingly strong! I remember when I was broken up with my ex and we were still talking and seeing each other. He told me he just was starting to date his other GF, supposedly they went on only 4 dates but I found out later he was cheating on me with her since the end of June last summer. He thought she gave him an STD , and he said something like your husband . He said well I'll just stay with her if we both caught something. What the heck? He had nothing but where is the logic in that. I think it's part of their mental illness. The fear of being alone makes them stay where they are , especially if they're uncomfortable with overwhelmingly feelings.

I think long term this woman will get it worse than you. He will crack under the pressure to take care of the baby. He will be a lousy absent tee dad. BPD are extremely self centered and need to be the focus of attention. His house of cards will tumble . Just watch! And let me know when they do

[love4meNOTu]

Blue... .

I've been following your posts for a very long time.

May I tell you about my xhubp? He's long gone from my life, but his legacy lives on in his sons life. My x is on his fourth marriage (I cant confirm this because I don't care enough to look or to ask anyone).

X has a 16 year old son, who impregnated his younger girlfriend. Son has drug problems and is doing jail time. My point is that this kid was crazily affected by his father and his mothers behavior, even tho he was loved by them.  From the vantage point I have now, I see this loveable kids life ruined, and he has a daughter that he will pass this legacy to unless there is some sort of miracle.

No one wins blue, odds are only slightly in our favor because we escaped. I wholeheartedly affirm this blue, we have escaped. Now its on you and me to enjoy the time we have left... Free.

[troisette]

Big hugs to you Blue. This is what you've been waiting and dreading for months, and now the baby is here.

No wonder you are distressed. Please look after yourself, nurture yourself, spoil yourself.

The FB pic - to be expected, and the likes. That's why it's called Facebook.

We had a discussion a while ago about the strains of parenting a young baby - do you remember? It's all so sad because it probably won't be happy ever after.   

[Herodias]

Thank you all... .It's so awful really. My friends are seeing this post of his and are just speechless. Really... .really sad for me, the baby, his family and her. It's terrible to look at that and see sadness instead of happiness. I was out on Kiawah Island yesterday... .it is so beautiful. I took pictures, which is what I love to do. So I am trying to keep myself busy.  Spent time with my family too. My Stepfather is so upset with him... .I have one more month to be married. It is fake book for sure... .he made all kinds of "friends" with people he doesn't even know just to get a bunch of "likes"... .It is really sad. I feel like I have to remain angry at him to not feel sorry for him. He really has screwed me over... .in so many ways.  A friend of mine who dated someone she called "Mr. Psycho" who was even worse than my ex in some ways, helps talk to me. She says I keep trying to make him out to be normal and I need to give that idea up. I think I keep feeling like suddenly he is acting better. I realize, I don't know this, but his telling me that it was "time for him to grow up" by having a baby still rings in my head. I do believe you all with how things turn out. Thanks you for sharing your stories. I am sorry to hear these things for you as well. He will never grow up... .It is just a matter of time before she sees this. His Mother will tell her. Really, really sad.