How can I reach out to my BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I haven't seen my BPD daughter-in-law since December2015 even though she lives 15 min from my house. 

My son and daughter in law have been married for 1-1/2 years.

When they get in a big altercation (where my son says or does something "wrong",

He comes here and spends a couple nights with us. 

The last time this happened, daughter-in-law texted my other younger son "to come pick up my husband" (my older son had been drinking, since he felt overwhelmed and helpless to make things right). So my younger son picked up his brother and he spent 3 days with us. 

But then he went back to her once she had become calm and happy.

Question:  Where can I find an adult DBT group for a non-US citizen?   She doesn't have health insurance here in the USA. 

[Mother-in-law]

I haven't seen my BPD daughter-in-law since December2015 even though she lives 15 min from my house. 

My son and daughter in law have been married for 1-1/2 years.

When they get in a big altercation (where my son says or does something "wrong",

He comes here and spends a couple nights with us. 

The last time this happened, daughter-in-law texted my other younger son "to come pick up my husband" (my older son had been drinking, since he felt overwhelmed and helpless to make things right). So my younger son picked up his brother and he spent 3 days with us. 

But then he went back to her once she had become calm and happy.

Question:  Where can I find an adult DBT group for a non-US citizen?   She doesn't have health insurance here in the USA. 

[Kwamina]

Hi again Mother-in-law

Question:  Where can I find an adult DBT group for a non-US citizen?   She doesn't have health insurance here in the USA. 

I'm going to look into this for you and will let you know if I find anything.

[Kwamina]

I've consulted some other staff-members and this is the advice they have for you:

- Search for mental health counseling through public health, like a county hospital with a psych unit. The waiting list could be very long and a referral may be mandatory, but it is a starting point.

- Perhaps look for a "community health center" or "federally qualified health center". They're required to offer sliding scale payment, and depending on the location, it might be possible to get help for people with certain immigration statuses.

I hope this helps

[jdtm]

Do you live close to the US/Canada border?  If so, perhaps looking for assistance on Canadian soil (where her health insurance would be valid) might be an option.  Honestly, I believe that unless your DIL wants help and seeks help for herself, your interfering (and I suspect that is how your "assistance" will be seen) will cause problems.  However, you might mention to your son about the "canadian" connection if the travel time might work.

One additional question to others on-line - is there any place on the internet where one can receive DBT on-line?  Just wondering ... .

[Kwamina]

Hi jdtm,

One additional question to others on-line - is there any place on the internet where one can receive DBT on-line?  Just wondering ... .

There is a website called DBT Self Help that you might find interesting: www.dbtselfhelp.com

[Mother-in-law]

What a happy day!

My DIL (BPD) agreed to go with me to get her nails done.

We had a very happy experience.  She was very chatty.  We prayed that Jesus would help her be able to

keep this appointment.  We praise HIM for helping us.  This is the first time I've seen her in 6 months.

THE DBT self-help website is FABULOUS! ( dbtselfhelp.com ) I'm looking into getting the app for DBT.  So thankful.

Question:  She said her mood has been more stable since she stopped eating carbs.  She's eating protein and

   some fats.  Is this something other people have noticed?  Does changing your diet help?

[Notwendy]

I am glad that you had a good time with your DIL. I think spending time together in a positive way can improve your relationship. Sharing an activity that you both enjoy puts the focus on that, and not the issues. So- the two of you share religion and something fun like getting your nails done- and doing more of this together is  good.

When I visit my mom, I plan activities like going out to lunch, the mall- for this reason- we are not sitting around the house talking- or me doing things around the house for her. That's a recipe for issues to arise in a discussion. If we go  to the mall, she has a great time looking around and getting things she might need- and the focus is on that.

As to the diet, I don't know of any diet that helps BPD. But pwBPD are also just humans in human bodies. A high carb diet for some people could lead to blood sugar swings, cravings, and just poor nutrition in general- and that could make anyone grumpier. Eating a healthier diet generally makes people feel better. Since BPD involves feelings and moods, your DIL may indeed feel better, which is good, but that can apply to anyone, not just pwBPD. BPD is a disorder of emotional regulation, so it would make sense that anything that improves mood, could help their moods too.

However, I would take her reasoning in context of her disorder. pw BPD tend to put the blame/reason for their issues on something other than them- and their disorder. My mother often came up with "reasons" to explain her behavior - a recent move, she was not feeling well, the kids, the pet, my father's job, her friends... .  and also look for the magic cure " this vacation, dad's new job" but there is no magic cure. There seemed to be a preference for the magic cure - whatever that is- to be THE solution.

The "solution" is often therapy and hard personal work. Prayer is great, so is taking care of one's health by eating healthy, but she will likely need to stick with her therapy for long term change.

[Mother-in-law]

You are so right, Notwendy.

I tend to over-simplify this problem and hope every time my DIL finally interacts with me, that

everything will be fine now.

I agree that she needs to get help.

She doesn't share my faith.  It was me and my other friends who prayed for her to keep this

nail appointment. 

I will start/keep praying for her to take up the real solution:  therapy and hard personal work.

AND... .that my son will also become educated to the difficulties of this disorder.

Very thankful for your kind insights.  :-)