How do we heal from the excruciating trauma of a BPD relationship?

[Moselle]

I'm learning that the trauma is seated in the emotional part of our brain. The more analytically or rationally we approach the problem, the more able we are to understand the trauma, but the less able we are to touch and heal it.

I'm discovering in my CODA group that most of us are more rationally oriented. It makes sense, BPD are masters of the trauma bond. They use it to control spouses and children, and rationally minded individuals are less able to deal with this trauma.

There are ways to connect with our emtional side. One is through a technique called focussing, where we can learn to experience and invite the suppressed emotions to the surface. When I tried this, I experienced emotions I had been suppressing for decades.

www.focusing.org/

[jhkbuzz]

It makes sense, BPD are masters of the trauma bond. They use it to control spouses and children, and rationally minded individuals are less able to deal with this trauma.

I think it's important to keep in mind that people who truly suffer from BPD are not "masters of manipulation" - you're thinking of people with NPD. Persons with BPD are constantly emotionally dysregulated and they act from that dysregulation. It's not calculated. And they are often victims of even more devastating trauma than we have experienced - hence the extreme chaos.

I'm going to check out that link later! 

[MapleBob]

I'm learning that the trauma is seated in the emotional part of our brain. The more analytically or rationally we approach the problem, the more able we are to understand the trauma, but the less able we are to touch and heal it.

I'm discovering in my CODA group that most of us are more rationally oriented. It makes sense, BPD are masters of the trauma bond. They use it to control spouses and children, and rationally minded individuals are less able to deal with this trauma.

I definitely relate to these statements. I think that people who are more rational on the spectrum also have a harder time relating to the hyper-emotional "feelings = facts" behavior and explanations that we're on the receiving end of in a relationship with a pwBPD.

[Moselle]

Jhkbuzz.  I picked a real winner. BPD comorbid NPD.

Eventually I could tell when she was N and when she was B. I can tell you NPD was better.

Maplebob, I still dont get feelings=facts.

[MapleBob]

Maplebob, I still dont get feelings=facts.

I sort of "get" it, when I think back to the very very most excruciating emotionally painful moments of my life (which have been, thankfully, rare). There's a kind of madness in those moments that can warp one's perceptions, temporarily. I can't imagine living life like that, chasing the highs and riding out those lows and trying to make sense of it all. Forever. 

[Moselle]

You're right.  It must be a living nightmare to feel them so intensely.

Just kind of thought "thats crazy"

Perhaps if my ex really focuses on her feelings she could spontaneously combust.  

[jhkbuzz]

Jhkbuzz.  I picked a real winner. BPD comorbid NPD.