Self Control

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Games; that's what I thought as well sweet tooth. But I've been told they don't play games as we recognise them; it's part of the BPD mind.

I agree that it's not games.  From a sane mind it looks like it's manipulation and playing games, but it's the way they are.  Their minds work so differently to ours.

When I was deep in FOG I was convinced mine was playing all sorts of games.  Now, being out of FOG, I realize it wasn't games at all.  My pwBPD does things that don't make much sense to me, but make full sense to them.  It's not a game to them, it's how they cope with life, and people in their lives.

 

[Hadlee]

Games; that's what I thought as well sweet tooth. But I've been told they don't play games as we recognise them; it's part of the BPD mind.

I agree that it's not games.  From a sane mind it looks like it's manipulation and playing games, but it's the way they are.  Their minds work so differently to ours.

When I was deep in FOG I was convinced mine was playing all sorts of games.  Now, being out of FOG, I realize it wasn't games at all.  My pwBPD does things that don't make much sense to me, but make full sense to them.  It's not a game to them, it's how they cope with life, and people in their lives.

 

[insideoutside]

Well sweet tooth; I woke up in a bad mood and felt close to calling my friend out on his BS which I refrained from and blocked him on FB for my own sake.  So I suppose I'm in a slight position of power whereby I chose to block him.

My self control to rage at him was high so I did damage limitation and blocked him.  I'm hurt and angry that out friendship is no more because the one time I stood up for myself and told him he was selfish and disrespectful he cut me off, despite him continually moving the goalposts on how I could communicate with him and his inappropriate behaviour towards me for the last 10 months.

Hope you are feeling better today.

[GreenEyedMonster]

However, I've come to the conclusion that that is what she wants: I'm assuming the "do not contact me again" comment was a test or a game. For whatever reason, such as control, attention, etc, she WANTS me to react emotionally. If I do so, I "lose." 

I wouldn't automatically assume that it's a test at all.  It may not be.  She may very well have meant exactly what she said at that time.

You are doing the right thing by not contacting her, as per her wishes.  The time should also help you in the long run to detach.

Look after yourself

^^ This.  Many people on this board assume that the person wants to be "chased."  This is not always the case.  It was not the case with my ex.  Trying to find out nearly cost me over a thousand dollars in legal fees.  Besides that, it doesn't help your own healing to second guess everything your ex says.  It's easy to infantilize these individuals because they are disordered, and assume that they have no idea what they want.  While they may be indecisive and struggle with their identities, assuming that you need to make their life decisions for them or give them what they "really" want is a step too far over any other person's personal boundaries.  If I were you, I'd assume that she doesn't want to hear from you, process that as the "closure" at the end of the relationship, and move on.

[confusedbloke]

I think that's what it's about. It's about regaining control of the situation... .and control of your life.

I ended the relationship... .she's always been the one to dump her exbfs.

I blocked her on fb.

I ignored a text she sent me.

I'm getting on with my life.

I allow myself to cry when necessary.

I allow myself to be happy without her.

It's only been a month the or so but already I feel relief that I'm not in that ridiculousness anymore. I feel a great weight has been lifted. That's not to say I don't miss her, coz I do. But I'm regaining control and the more I practice this... .the sooner I will forget about her and I will be free.

Stick to it. We can do this