New Therapy

[Sunfl0wer]

Just wanted to say hello!

I'm anxiously and positively awaiting my first session with a therapist well versed in trauma, teaches EMDR and other method to other therapists.  Our first appointment is this morning.  I met with him for about ten minutes last week and felt great relief that we speak the same language regarding trauma.  While I have been in therapy over my life for my PTSD, I actually have never specifically seen someone so well versed in trauma, with several methods of approach. 

I have been feeling quite dissociated often lately.

I am feeling positive about this and hope to come back and share something useful!

[Kwamina]

Hi Sunfl0wer

This is great news! Considering your recent experiences, I think it probably is a very wise move to consult a therapist specialized in dealing with trauma and PTSD.

I hope this new therapist will help you work through your trauma and that the symptoms you've been experiencing will diminish.

Take care

[HappyChappy]

Sounds realy good. I found a trauma specialist helped me, she did EMDR & CBT. Best of luck.  

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you guys!

I feel quite nervous to say this and put this out here... .

We are going to be working on getting to know my inner system.  Parts of me are wanting to surface, and well, he is quite skilled in this and looking forward to the work.  I am grateful to have found him.

Because of my difficulties with staying present with things, I brought into session a print out of some important journaling I did and also a correspondence with a friend.  These represent samples of some things going on when I am not so present and would be nearly impossible to convey as I can not easily explain what is going on with my mental processing when I am feeling so fragmented, and to convey that after the fact while in session, just isn't possible.

I apologized as I held out the pages, as the journaling was maybe 7 pages long and the other was even longer.  I did offer he use session time or may not want to even need to read it, but I brought just in case.  He happily took both documents and said he is going to read it on his own so he can get to know what is going on so we can get started.  I really did not expect such a positive response!

To back up to the beginning of the session, as he was reviewing my orientation forms and trying to get to know me, I apologized and explained how I really was going to patiently await discussing my issues with dissociation as I was feeling so incredibly unintegrated, that it would be hard for me to just not discuss that, but I would be ok to wait as I understand it may not be first session material.

I am grateful to say he and I just went with the flow from that point and he let me drop my questions about the room as they came to me.  It just wasn't enough time.  I still have a ton of questions.  We have another appointment on Thursday.  I am feeling quite hopeful atm!

I do not mean to sound narcissistic, but this is the first time in a very long time that I have been in therapy with a T who has vastly more knowledge in trauma than I do.  Often it is usually the case that even with great (non trauma) therapists I find myself educating or correcting them regarding defining dissociation clearly.

I am feeling relieved, and also nervous, and excited! 

Thank you guys for letting me share!

[Sunfl0wer]

So part of me wants to hold back from saying this, but part of me wants to share something... .

We are opting for sharing! 

An Other helped me to impulsively follow through and drive to this therapist for the appointment.  She is wanting to find her voice and is looking for ways to communicate so I think it only fair for her that I give her credit and express gratitude.

Some Others also want some attention and to be heard.  I can only imagine that they too appreciate being acknowledged and will soon also want to share and come forward in some way. 

It did not feel right to me to leave the last post so ambiguous and not mention the rest of us.

There are parts inside me that want me to be proud of them and it would not be nice to post and behave like I am hiding them.  I am very proud of them for working so hard to protect and care for me and things are a bit less lonely to know they are with me. 

[Sunfl0wer]

Ok, things are getting interesting now and pretty chatty in here.  This is all new to me and apparently they like posting and being seen in some way, even if it is just me typing about them.

I think the therapist is going to specifically try to communicate with (I will call her "L" L soon as she is the one who stepped forth recently and she is a protector and has worked as a sort of intermediary between myself and other people and she actually knows a lot more about what is going on in my inner system than I do because I simply am not around or I forget.

Ok, everyone is feeling a bit better now!

[Harri]

Hi Sunflower.  It is 3:35 am here so I am going to make this short.

I am so very pleased for you and your others and I look forward to meeting/hearing about all of you as time goes on.  Your therapist sounds wonderful and I like the fact that he is looking forward to working with you all.  Sounds like you are in good hands and it sounds like a couple (few?) of your others are more than willing to work with him as well.  Such wonderful news!  

There are parts inside me that want me to be proud of them and it would not be nice to post and behave like I am hiding them.  I am very proud of them for working so hard to protect and care for me and things are a bit less lonely to know they are with me.

Yes, they have done a wonderful job.

So happy for you all.   

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you Harri!

This is so new to me.  I am trying to do what feels right to things in this system.  I do not know the language for all of this and such.  I just know that so many feel neglected and am trying to do what feels right to all my parts when able... .  and well, there are limited opportunities to allow them to express themselves, and well, I am not sure exactly how they all communicate yet.  There is so much for me to learn!

I have found some websites that I hope will be helpful to this.  Sadly they do not feel like family yet like here and they also do not get as much regular traffic. Honestly it feels a bit rejecting having to wait so long to see if anything even gets replied to.  We are feeling quite so vulnerable right now.  Yet what feels right for things right now is to chat as much as I can, acknowledge them and such, so thank you so much for validating us all Harri!

I struggle with being nervous about it all and wanting to hide and them jumping up wanting to be seen.  I am trying to allow them to have a voice in some way even if just through me for now until they show me more and teach me more.