Radical Acceptance - I may finally give it

[ArleighBurke]

I *thought* I accepted by wife had BPD. But I realise now I didn't. I was accepting her behaviour, but was *still* fighting it in my mind. Thoughts of it could be better, why is it this way, why can't she see it, how can she live like this... .

A few weeks back (from a comment on this board) I tihnk I finally accepted her. Not asking why, not asking how to improve it, just allowing it to be. And it's made a difference. There are still horrible discussions, but I'm not thinking about how *I* couldn't live like her - I just allow her to live.

Her birthday was a few days back. I stress all the time about what gifts to get her - it always seems to be the wrong thing. This year, instead of thinking about what she NEEDS, or what could HELP her, or even what she'd USE or ENJOY, I though only about what would give the best EMOTIONAL response. I know full well that most things I give her she'll "love", but never use. Instead of fighting that, I just accept it. Really it's a win-win. She gets the emotional resposne from the present, and loves it, I get points for being a good husband. The fact that it's crap, or that *I* get annoyed that she doesn't use it it *MY* problem - which I can get over.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

This is good progress 

Stepping away from being triggered from what we may find as silly or foolish, if it validates our pwBPD, is a good internal boundary, no?