Communication: the switch

[Hadlee]

Something I read recently prompted thinking about "the switch" in the pwBPD, in particular, where communication was concerned.

Communication wasn't a problem at all in the beginning.  He opened up often, told me how he felt, and was so supportive when I had an off day.  He knew all the right things to say.

Fast forward to when things started getting weird.  Communication was a major problem.  Gone were the days where he opened up or gave me great advice, etc.  More often than not, he was stumped when I would talk to him, or ask him general questions.  He's incredibly smart and I got a lot of career advice from him in the beginning, but towards the end, he could hardly put a sentence together.  The blank stare became a regular occurrence and it almost felt like he had amnesia or something.  He could no longer converse like he used to, he seemed forever on edge and anxious around me.  When I sensed this, I tried my hardest to make him feel comfortable, but that didn't work very often.

I think, for me, the huge shift in communication is something that I find a little difficult to understand.  To go from an incredibly intellectual man to somewhat of a mute is baffling.  I've got a good grasp on other behaviors pwBPD exhibit, but this one I'm not quite sure about.

Anyone have any ideas?

[once removed]

i think it just helps to remember that this is a disorder triggered by intimacy, and the closer you are, the more it plays a role.

you say he seemed forever on edge and anxious around you, which makes sense in this context. i know when i feel on edge and anxious around someone, im not the strongest communicator.

its not exactly the same scenario, but the earlier you go back into my relationship, the more willing my ex was to own fault - shed claim 100% of it. by the end 100% of it was me.

emotions run higher and higher, and intellect is overruled.

[Hadlee]

i think it just helps to remember that this is a disorder triggered by intimacy, and the closer you are, the more it plays a role.

you say he seemed forever on edge and anxious around you, which makes sense in this context. i know when i feel on edge and anxious around someone, im not the strongest communicator.

its not exactly the same scenario, but the earlier you go back into my relationship, the more willing my ex was to own fault - shed claim 100% of it. by the end 100% of it was me.

emotions run higher and higher, and intellect is overruled.

Ah yeah you are right.  I couldn't quite grasp it in my head, but reading what you've said puts it into perspective.

Thanks once removed

[once removed]

it is difficult to grasp in your head, because you had seen clear evidence that he could communicate quite well. i think this is illustrated by the stories of members who say they were best friends with their partner before they became romantic, and couldnt reconcile the change(s). i know i always wondered why my ex didnt seem to behave in the same way to others that she did to me, the person she claimed to love.