Do you ever go into panic mode when you hear of a suicide in your local news?

[insideoutside]

I follow my hometowns news Facebook page (where my friend lives still) and I always go into a slight panic when I hear that someone has committed suicide.  Today a man has committed suicide in a place which is a known hotspot and it panics me to the point that I nearly contact him just to make sure he's ok.

He has had suicide ideation before and it terrifies me that I can't reach out to him to tell him I'm always here for him if he needed anyone.

[Hadlee]

I can understand that triggering you.  It's hard.  Have you thought about unfollowing that page for a while to give yourself a break?  Maybe that would help you

[insideoutside]

I can understand that triggering you.  It's hard.  Have you thought about unfollowing that page for a while to give yourself a break?  Maybe that would help you

I could but the my friends share the story so I'd see it anyway.  It terrifies me that I feel so hopeless.  There's been a few stories over the past few months of police having to talk someone down off a bridge or car park and every time my heart races and my stomach goes in to knots.

I sat and cried today, first time in a while as I miss him; miss his voice, his silly teasing texts.  I hate not knowing if he's ok, if he's struggling.  He's stubborn; he's never going to reach out to me first.

[Hadlee]

Days like that are really hard.  I'm sorry.  Are you wanting him to reach out to you?

[insideoutside]

Days like that are really hard.  I'm sorry.  Are you wanting him to reach out to you?

Desperately so, yes. I dreamt of him the other night too; again first time in a while and woke up so depressed. 

Unfortunately he uses his Facebook for people just to message him, he has no friends or posts and one professional profile picture which is a photo from his portfolio (he's an actor of sorts) so I can't gain any info from it to check if he's ok and been active on it lately.

[JerryRG]

Oh gosh, everytime I hear an ambulance I shake in fear thinking it's my exgf or my son, thinking she did something to harm him to get attention.

Yes PTSD is my reality and I'm sure anyone who's dealt with a pwBPD is somewhat in the waiting for the "other shoe to drop" thinking.

I seen and heard things no mortal should have experienced  

[Hadlee]

Days like that are really hard.  I'm sorry.  Are you wanting him to reach out to you?

Desperately so, yes. I dreamt of him the other night too; again first time in a while and woke up so depressed.  

Unfortunately he uses his Facebook for people just to message him, he has no friends or posts and one professional profile picture which is a photo from his portfolio (he's an actor of sorts) so I can't gain any info from it to check if he's ok and been active on it lately.

Can you try and turn the focus around to yourself rather than him?  Take the time to be kind to yourself.

Unfortunately, we can't save them, that's the sad truth.  I completely understand the waiting and hoping for contact - I did that myself for a time.  But, I eventually realized that I was wasting my life away, waiting for contact that may or may not come.  I have no control over that.

You deserve to be happy.  :)o something special for yourself.  Focus on you - not on him and see how that goes