double headed pain in our early day of separation

[cc 69]

Well spent a lot of time reading trying to understand and accept my BPD is well and over you in such a short time ... which destroys your ego and yourself beliefs in just how easy. it was for them turn from being the one you set out to spend your life with to someone who just wants hurt you in every possible . When I first started reading about this BPD I filled up cos it was like reading what I'd just been though picking at points that jump out at you and being in denial at others. it's say that our BPD will have shown her colors early on in the relationship but we are so taken in by being made to feel so special ... I found that trying  to cut yourself off from the start does work but the bomb shell of seeing then move on so quickly bring the pain right back so not only are we  dealing with the break up you are hit with the site of thier next pray... which bring you to think about how good it was for you in the beginning so now your fight his double headed .even knowing what may lay in wait for them and all the negative feeling he will experience it doesn't mask over the pain of thinking he's getting what we were once  getting. ... .but as time goes by all things we read about and was in denial about in the beginning start to surface and that's where we should our strength from so just remember the pain weaken as you build your self back up. ... .

[C.Stein]

I had an exceptionally difficult time remembering what I was feeling in the last months of my relationship ... .and to be honest even now I still struggle with it.  When something undermines the "reality" you had come to believe in it generates a lot of self-doubt and shakes your belief in yourself to the core.  A natural reaction to this is to deny and reject the true reality because it is too difficult and too painful to accept.  I think the denial stage may be the hardest to get past in our respective relationships (and losses) with a borderline.

Leaning about what we have been through helps tremendously but I still have trouble really reconnecting to what I was feeling in the last months of our relationship.  It can be very difficult to believe in our own perception and intuition after a relationship like this.  It is something we need to believe in again ... .we need to believe in ourselves again!

[cc 69]

Hello stein yes ii glad you pointed that out the last few months were a total nightmare so taking that on board really focusing our energy new the back end of the relationship should be enough to keep us all on the right track the blackening I've received has been distressing to say the least... .today was my day to see my son but true action of my BPD I haven't been able to see him weapon and tool my little lad has been to her ... can't put in words what my little man has to  what he must be feeling not be in a normal house for the weekend... he's so happy when I get to see  him gut wrenching it is for me ... now for me what she is doing to him is my tool