In Trouble... Need Help (UK)

[LArve]

Hi, can anyone recommend where to get help re:BPD in the UK?

I've been the partner of a BPD sufferer for 18 months.

We split up two months ago and what I've been subjected to during that time has been very hurtful and damaging.

I really need to talk to someone about it but preferably not to a general NHS type therapist. Really hoping for some kind of specialized support.

[C.Stein]

Hi, can anyone recommend where to get help re:BPD in the UK?

I've been the partner of a BPD sufferer for 18 months.

We split up two months ago and what I've been subjected to during that time has been very hurtful and damaging.

I really need to talk to someone about it but preferably not to a general NHS type therapist. Really hoping for some kind of specialized support.

I don't have any recommendations for you but if you feel comfortable sharing with us the things that have hurt and damaged you we can try to help you work through it.   

[duncsvoice]

Hi, can anyone recommend where to get help re:BPD in the UK?

I've been the partner of a BPD sufferer for 18 months.

We split up two months ago and what I've been subjected to during that time has been very hurtful and damaging.

I really need to talk to someone about it but preferably not to a general NHS type therapist. Really hoping for some kind of specialized support.

Hi there.

I was with my ex for 2 years, and about two months post break up I realised I needed help as like you, I was aware what was happening was incredibly damaging.

I've got my 6th session tonight with my NHS Options counsellor, and it has been really great in helping me come to terms with everything, move on, and get myself healthy.

[Naughty Nibbler]

The website below has several links, at the bottom of the web page, to multiple UK psychological associations with search features for private sources.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/free-therapy-or-counselling.aspx

[LArve]

Thanks folks. I suppose I could have added that I'd be happy to hear something good about the NHS support. I'll give it a try.

In reply to what was said/done by partner.

After behaving badly myself during the start of the relationship (caused in part by the terror of the BPD monster which I understood even less than I do now) I'd really made good progress in the relationship. In the final days though my partner exploded and instead of holding hands up (I would have forgiven and forgotten immediately without question) relentlessly refused to take any responsibility and besieged me with blame.

If I tried to describe what had happened from my perspective I was distorting reality.

If I tried to suggest any fault on the BPD partners side... .I was "blame shifting"

If I tried to take a balanced approach I was "not manning up" to my failings.

If i tried to be kind and grounded... .I was been "emotionally abusive".

The later term really hurting me a lot. "intentionally cruel" too really hurt.

Upon the relationship ending there was the typical "I hate you dont ever leave me" gubbings.

On one hand she desperately wants me back and yet the only noise she would make was telling me that I'd been "intentionally cruel" and "emotionally abusive" for the WHOLE of the 18 months.

I admit I made mistakes that made her suffer (due to BPD) and said things in anger that hurt her but it makes my stomach turn that she might perceive intentional cruelty or abuse on my part.

She says those things. Then occasionally replies later to apologize.  Then becomes really angry post-apology and assualts me again with accounts of each and every one of my worst moments (mostly accounts from the very first months which were turbulent for us both).

What has also disturbed me a lot is her seemingly/possibly 'gas lighting' me. She blames all my "intentionally cruelty" and "emotionally abusive" on unidentified mental issues she thinks I have. Many emails have been like amateur psychological lectures which i've found insensitive, false and disturbing.

In the back of my mind now the doubt has been raised that she might be right.

I guess that's what she wants... .but on the other hand maybe there's some truth in what she says.

I need to explore these things with a professional (though thoughts here are, needless to say, very welcome)

Thanks

[Wize]

Thanks folks. I suppose I could have added that I'd be happy to hear something good about the NHS support. I'll give it a try.

In reply to what was said/done by partner.

After behaving badly myself during the start of the relationship (caused in part by the terror of the BPD monster which I understood even less than I do now) I'd really made good progress in the relationship. In the final days though my partner exploded and instead of holding hands up (I would have forgiven and forgotten immediately without question) relentlessly refused to take any responsibility and besieged me with blame.

If I tried to describe what had happened from my perspective I was distorting reality.

If I tried to suggest any fault on the BPD partners side... .I was "blame shifting"

If I tried to take a balanced approach I was "not manning up" to my failings.

If i tried to be kind and grounded... .I was been "emotionally abusive".

The later term really hurting me a lot. "intentionally cruel" too really hurt.

Upon the relationship ending there was the typical "I hate you dont ever leave me" gubbings.

On one hand she desperately wants me back and yet the only noise she would make was telling me that I'd been "intentionally cruel" and "emotionally abusive" for the WHOLE of the 18 months.

I admit I made mistakes that made her suffer (due to BPD) and said things in anger that hurt her but it makes my stomach turn that she might perceive intentional cruelty or abuse on my part.

She says those things. Then occasionally replies later to apologize.  Then becomes really angry post-apology and assualts me again with accounts of each and every one of my worst moments (mostly accounts from the very first months which were turbulent for us both).

What has also disturbed me a lot is her seemingly/possibly 'gas lighting' me. She blames all my "intentionally cruelty" and "emotionally abusive" on unidentified mental issues she thinks I have. Many emails have been like amateur psychological lectures which i've found insensitive, false and disturbing.

In the back of my mind now the doubt has been raised that she might be right.

I guess that's what she wants... .but on the other hand maybe there's some truth in what she says.

I need to explore these things with a professional (though thoughts here are, needless to say, very welcome)

Thanks

My relationship is pretty much a spitting image of what you described above.  Being "besieged with blame" is exactly what drove me out of our home and to the courthouse to file for divorce.  The fact that my BPD wife refused to take any accountability for her behavior and instead pushed all the blame onto me, simply became intolerable.  There is no possible way for a relationship to function if there isn't mutual accountability.  And my god, the frustration and anger I felt every time my wife would throw my words back in my face and make everything my fault.  My head is still spinning.