Very Confused and Need some advice

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ok... My story starts slightly over a year ago.   A girl who was a few years older than me in high school was home for a girls weekend.   We are now almost 20 years removed from HS and I always wanted this girl.   I knew her well in high school and she was very down to earth and a great person.   I know when she went away to college she ended up getting sexually assaulted and had some other issues.  She is very attractive and was a model for several years. 

We met up and hit it off.   She is married (big mistake on my part)  , and I am in a relationship ,and we ended up spending the night together.   It was amazing and she quickly opened up to me about her past.   Things moved very, very quick.   She told me how her marriage was dying and I was what she was looking for.  She texted, called and visited me non stop.  she planned trips for us and very quickly used the love word.   I felt odd at how fast things were progressing.   She constantly wanted to know about my girlfriend and put her down non stop.   When we talked it was always about her and how much money she makes, her modeling past, her athletic past and how great she was. 

I soon got turned off by how clingy she became.  She had several melt downs which scared the heck out of me.  Almost black out rages when I did not give her what she wanted.   She showed up at my house a few times almost in an attempt to get me caught and it seemed like she did not care if she got caught.

I ended things in Sept of last year.   Since then she has sporadically texted me or called me.   She will start things up again and quickly vanish.   I never knew about BPD or NPD but I am hoping to get some advice on how to completely walk awak from this.   It is almost like a drug when she reaches back out and for some reason I am lost when she vanishes and I keep wanting more.   

[Confused528]

Ok... My story starts slightly over a year ago.   A girl who was a few years older than me in high school was home for a girls weekend.   We are now almost 20 years removed from HS and I always wanted this girl.   I knew her well in high school and she was very down to earth and a great person.   I know when she went away to college she ended up getting sexually assaulted and had some other issues.  She is very attractive and was a model for several years. 

We met up and hit it off.   She is married (big mistake on my part)  , and I am in a relationship ,and we ended up spending the night together.   It was amazing and she quickly opened up to me about her past.   Things moved very, very quick.   She told me how her marriage was dying and I was what she was looking for.  She texted, called and visited me non stop.  she planned trips for us and very quickly used the love word.   I felt odd at how fast things were progressing.   She constantly wanted to know about my girlfriend and put her down non stop.   When we talked it was always about her and how much money she makes, her modeling past, her athletic past and how great she was. 

I soon got turned off by how clingy she became.  She had several melt downs which scared the heck out of me.  Almost black out rages when I did not give her what she wanted.   She showed up at my house a few times almost in an attempt to get me caught and it seemed like she did not care if she got caught.

I ended things in Sept of last year.   Since then she has sporadically texted me or called me.   She will start things up again and quickly vanish.   I never knew about BPD or NPD but I am hoping to get some advice on how to completely walk awak from this.   It is almost like a drug when she reaches back out and for some reason I am lost when she vanishes and I keep wanting more.   

[Leonis]

I would seriously block all communications.

This include phone number, emails, etc. If you can't relocate, probably try ghosting her. The question is, what did you miss the most in that relationship? The words? The deeds? The intimacy?

What helped me a lot was having great friends who are not mutual friends with my ex. They are your support group aside from you family. It's also helpful you have a social group consists of your neighbors, etc. I know the most difficult time to resist her allure is when I'm all alone by myself.

[Confused528]

Leonis, I think I honestly miss the excitement.  When things were hot and heavy at first it was like a drug.  It got to the point that she was pushing the envelope so much that when I ended things it was a huge relief!  I had time to myself and then things got boring again. 

I have completely moved on several times and then as soon as I forget about her she reaches out.  What completely blew my mind was in November we were talking again and she somehow ended things with me... .Said this wasn't working out... No hard feelings... .I was really confused... .Considering I ended the romantic portion of this 2 months earlier. It felt like I was on a roller coaster with her. 

I never experienced anything like that and I'm happy to be back to normal and also miss the rush if that makes sense. 

There were red flags that flew from the start.  She is very successful and has a six figure salary.   When we were about to have sex she never wanted me to use a condom.  That freaked me out and thankfully I did.  She purchased the morning after pill and showed me the pack one time and again told me not to wear a condom.   She has a family and it was a massive mistake on my part but I have no idea how she keeps me strung along

[Leonis]

From what I've been reading here, people who are BPD or having traits of it tend to go through these cycles.

You have to ask yourself.

1. Are you okay with her come in and out of your life periodically according to her pleasure?

2. What are you after? Is it a stable relationship? Or is it some action from time to time?

3. Consider the pros and cons. What do you stand to lose if this turns sour again?

I, like many others here, have stayed in the relationship because of how well my ex mirrored me and led me to think she was the person that I was waiting for all along. I thought she just had some emotional baggage that could be overcome by honest interactions in a loving partnership. Nope, not a chance. The fact that she didn't want to see counseling and wanted to approach relationships in a dysfunctional way is enough to make it not able to work.

[Fr4nz]

I have completely moved on several times and then as soon as I forget about her she reaches out.  What completely blew my mind was in November we were talking again and she somehow ended things with me... .Said this wasn't working out... No hard feelings... .I was really confused... .Considering I ended the romantic portion of this 2 months earlier. It felt like I was on a roller coaster with her.  

i think it's all about control (typical of BPDs); if you leave her, she feels to not have the control over the situation (abandonment fears kick in); on the contrary, if she leaves you, then she feels to have the upper hand (she can come back whenever she wants).

There were red flags that flew from the start.  She is very successful and has a six figure salary.   When we were about to have sex she never wanted me to use a condom.  That freaked me out and thankfully I did.  She purchased the morning after pill and showed me the pack one time and again told me not to wear a condom.   She has a family and it was a massive mistake on my part but I have no idea how she keeps me strung along

Just a quick note... .having risky, unprotected sex is one of the BPD hallmarks... .also, it is risky to assume that she takes those pills... .so, if you happen to have sex with her again, be very careful!

[Confused528]

You are right! After reading for the last hour im certain she was BPD.  How quickly she moved and the mirroring. That's what was amazing at first she somehow knew who I was and what I wanted from the start.  I never felt so close and connected in my life.  Then there was the ugly side that would show up.  That was enough to make me end things.   I need to get completely away from her.  it is just amazing how many emotions you feel with somrone like this!

[Confused528]

fr4nz... .What is their logic for the risky behavior ?  She was dead set on having unprotected sex! This freaked me out as I have ocd and am pretty heakth anxious.  The first time we hooked up she told me she was having Her period and it was safe to have unprotected sex... .Ahain this creeped me out. I kept thinking who else might have gotten this treatment. 

I actually told my best friend I thought she was trying to get pregnant but it didn't make sense.  She is married and for not that long!  This was a huge mistake but im curious to see what her logic was? Did she want a kid... .Did she want to accuse me of rape!  It all bothers ke

[Fr4nz]

fr4nz... .What is their logic for the risky behavior ?  She was dead set on having unprotected sex! This freaked me out as I have ocd and am pretty heakth anxious.  The first time we hooked up she told me she was having Her period and it was safe to have unprotected sex... .Ahain this creeped me out. I kept thinking who else might have gotten this treatment.  

I actually told my best friend I thought she was trying to get pregnant but it didn't make sense.  She is married and for not that long!  This was a huge mistake but im curious to see what her logic was? Did she want a kid... .Did she want to accuse me of rape!  It all bothers ke

BPDs have very, very poor impulse control; they don't consider the long term consequences of their impulsive actions. Also, feelings = facts for them. Mix these two things together, and you can start to understand her illogical, crazy behaviours about sex, kids, etc.

[Confused528]

I wish I would have found this forum last year. It was a whirlwind and her actions intrigued me and kept me hooked.  Nothing she did was normal. I had no clue why she acted the way she was acting.  I wanted out... .I got out... .But she is still able to draw me back by simply reaching back out, vanishing, reaching back out, over and over.

When things were good I felt invincible and my confidence was through the roof.  Is it normal for them to suck that feeling out of you when they are playing their games? I've often felt like she was an emotion and energy vampire

[Leonis]

When things were good I felt invincible and my confidence was through the roof.  Is it normal for them to suck that feeling out of you when they are playing their games? I've often felt like she was an emotion and energy vampire

She planted a dangerous seed when she became close to you. It's something every human being feel when they are criticized to the extreme by those who professed to love them.

In your mind, and many of those who suffered, she is still somehow on a pedestal despite of the horrible things she may have done. In an ironic twist, it's as if we are all looking for validation from our disordered exes.

[Confused528]

Your right! It's like I want her to miss me or think of me! It's messed up

[Confused528]

Weird coincidence... .I have not spoken to her in about 3-4 weeks.   There have been times in the past where I have thought about her and like magic I see a text from her or a missed call.   Well this morning after reaching out on this board I have a text ?  All it says is " Hey, what are you up to ?"   It is her usual fashion and when I respond things will get hot and heavy and she will vanish again.   I have not responded and almost feel the need to send a text back.   Please delete my number... .I am not sure what to say if anything

[Hadlee]

Weird coincidence... .I have not spoken to her in about 3-4 weeks.   There have been times in the past where I have thought about her and like magic I see a text from her or a missed call.   Well this morning after reaching out on this board I have a text ?  All it says is " Hey, what are you up to ?"   It is her usual fashion and when I respond things will get hot and heavy and she will vanish again.   I have not responded and almost feel the need to send a text back.   Please delete my number... .I am not sure what to say if anything

It's spooky, isn't it.  I still can't explain it.  It is like they have mental telepathy or something.

I would definitely ignore the text.  If you are wanting her out of your life then block her everywhere.

Are you still with your girlfriend?

[Confused528]

Weird coincidence... .I have not spoken to her in about 3-4 weeks.   There have been times in the past where I have thought about her and like magic I see a text from her or a missed call.   Well this morning after reaching out on this board I have a text ?  All it says is " Hey, what are you up to ?"   It is her usual fashion and when I respond things will get hot and heavy and she will vanish again.   I have not responded and almost feel the need to send a text back.   Please delete my number... .I am not sure what to say if anything

It's spooky, isn't it.  I still can't explain it.  It is like they have mental telepathy or something.

I would definitely ignore the text.  If you are wanting her out of your life then block her everywhere.

Are you still with your girlfriend?

Yes I am... .I honestly want BPD out for good.   It was a mistake on my part and I regret everything.  It was just so frustrating trying to figure the BPD girl out.   

[C.Stein]

You and only you can put an end to this.   Unless your relationship with your GF is an open one then you need to step up and do the right thing here.

[Hadlee]

Weird coincidence... .I have not spoken to her in about 3-4 weeks.   There have been times in the past where I have thought about her and like magic I see a text from her or a missed call.   Well this morning after reaching out on this board I have a text ?  All it says is " Hey, what are you up to ?"   It is her usual fashion and when I respond things will get hot and heavy and she will vanish again.   I have not responded and almost feel the need to send a text back.   Please delete my number... .I am not sure what to say if anything

It's spooky, isn't it.  I still can't explain it.  It is like they have mental telepathy or something.

I would definitely ignore the text.  If you are wanting her out of your life then block her everywhere.

Are you still with your girlfriend?

Yes I am... .I honestly want BPD out for good.   It was a mistake on my part and I regret everything.  It was just so frustrating trying to figure the BPD girl out.   

It is frustrating.  I think you need to do the right thing by your gf now.  Who knows what kind of drama the pwBPD could create for you both.  She could cause your gf an enormous amount of pain, and that's not fair to her.  You've been exposed to the behavior of a pwBPD.  It can get a lot worse than that though.

Move on now for both you and your gf's sake

[Confused528]

Thank you everyone, I agree it is time to completely move on from this.   I need to grow up... .Its almost like I need the final say in this to one up her.   If she wanted to meet up there is no way I would ever do it.   Our last encounter was one of the scariest moments of my life.  She had a complete meltdown and it was part of the reason I ended things.   Of course after she reached back out she blamed the meltdown on me and said she was frustrated because that night I was not into her.   

It was a nightmare.

[C.Stein]

It was a nightmare.

It was a nightmare of your own making.