Depression, triggers, need to heal

[KarmasReal]

Hey guys,

I've noticed a strange phenomenon as the more time passes from my detachment it seems the worse I get. I'm at 6 weeks now and the depression and hopelessness I feel are getting stronger. I'm not sure why. I guess there have been a couple of things that have happened to make it worse. First I was seeing a person right after my BPD break up but we called it quits a week ago, so that doesn't help, it wasn't doing too much in helping the way I felt anyway.

The second trigger for me getting worse is my exBPD's facebook. I know looking on there is counter productive but it's like a connection or something. I'm not friends with her but my mother still is and she told me about some vague thing she posted, about amazing people giving her hope that she met through chance and hope means she almost out of the darkness. Sounded like a post about someone new in her life she types stuff that seem like they are saving her but she doesn't post or tag them.

So seeing this and thinking she has someone new while I've been thrown away like garbage and am in constant emotional turmoil, just got to me. How is it fair for her to do the things she's done and yet she gets to go about her life fine with old I deal with the hurt and pain.

I'm missing something because I'm not healing I'm just depressed and get worse not better. I don't know why after the crazy, roller coaster, sometimes awful relationship we had has ended I'm so upset. Shouldn't I be happy to be out of that unhealthy place? Yet I miss her, I hurt, I wonder if I was ever loved, the way she acted during our break up it would seem as though she never did. Some people say I should be happy that she's gone if she never loved me, or at least mad at her. But all that does is make me feel worse and just unlovable. Thanks for listening guys and girls.

[once removed]

hi KarmasReal 

truth is, i think for many of us it gets worse before it gets better. at a few months out i described myself as feeling as if i was "wilting". i wasnt. i was experiencing the incredible pains of abandonment depression, and a traumatic relationship.

i dont mean to sound hopeless or to beat a broken record, but in comparison to either myself or the rest of your peers, six weeks is very little time, and feeling worse as it goes is quite common.

keep your eye on the big picture, and the future youre building. i know your ability to do this right now is limited - it was for me too. that doesnt help matters, i know. it does not mean things will not improve or get better. i recommend measuring your progress in months as opposed to weeks, but healing happens at a unique rate for all of us, and its not linear.

ps. its very difficult for friends or family to understand if they havent been through it. shoulds and shouldnts sound nice. its like saying a depressed person "should" count their blessings and "should" be happy or "choose" to be happy. itd be great if it worked that way.

[Leonis]

Sounded like a post about someone new in her life she types stuff that seem like they are saving her but she doesn't post or tag them.

So seeing this and thinking she has someone new while I've been thrown away like garbage and am in constant emotional turmoil, just got to me. How is it fair for her to do the things she's done and yet she gets to go about her life fine with old I deal with the hurt and pain.

Don't believe everything people post on social media. Even if she did find someone, you know as well as any of us that it's just another charade ready to end in the most absurd way possible.

[once removed]

i forgot to add: you might consider asking your mom not to report these things to you.

it hurt enough when id check my exes social media. it hurt even more coming from someone else.