I shouldn't have enjoyed this...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

But I did. :-)

It's been 5 months. Aside from a few heated emails back in April, I've been in full no contact, but her and I haven't physically spoken to each other since January. So, she hasn't heard my voice since then, nor have I heard her's. Ya know silent treatment 101.

We work in the same building, and there she was today, a mere 3 feet in front of me as we were leaving to go home for the day. She didn't see me at all. Initially, I was planning to just walk by and ignore her, but I saw a fellow co-worker whose name I like to SHOUT whenever I see him. See, before this whole break up, I was a very strong personality. Loud, boisterous and I love to make people laugh. I'm finally getting that feeling back these days.

So, there I am, 3 feet behind my exBPDgf and I shout out my co-worker's name, and I watched her whole body stiffen. That's when I realized, "She hasn't heard my voice since January." So, I made damn sure she heard it today.

I could feel her eyes in my back as I proceeded to cross the street and shot the middle finger at a different co-worker.(It's a bit of a joke at work) and went home with a smile on my face.

Was it immature? Oh, you betcha. But seeing that moment where she went completely stiff from hearing my voice? It made me feel better from a control standpoint, I feel like it let her know "You don't control my emotions anymore, I do."

Still gave me a butt load of anxiety though. Lol. Despite feeling empowered, my hands couldn't stop shaking. Sadly, there's no one I can talk to that would even understand this feeling. Hell, my friends and family are seriously tired of hearing me talk about her. So, am I. Lol. But today was the first time my exBPDgf managed to make me smile since Christmas. Lol.

We get no closure. We get no resolution. We get silent treatment. We get pain and heartache. We get smeared. We get painted black. Today felt like a small victory, and all I did was speak.

[Dhand77]

But I did. :-)

It's been 5 months. Aside from a few heated emails back in April, I've been in full no contact, but her and I haven't physically spoken to each other since January. So, she hasn't heard my voice since then, nor have I heard her's. Ya know silent treatment 101.

We work in the same building, and there she was today, a mere 3 feet in front of me as we were leaving to go home for the day. She didn't see me at all. Initially, I was planning to just walk by and ignore her, but I saw a fellow co-worker whose name I like to SHOUT whenever I see him. See, before this whole break up, I was a very strong personality. Loud, boisterous and I love to make people laugh. I'm finally getting that feeling back these days.

So, there I am, 3 feet behind my exBPDgf and I shout out my co-worker's name, and I watched her whole body stiffen. That's when I realized, "She hasn't heard my voice since January." So, I made damn sure she heard it today.

I could feel her eyes in my back as I proceeded to cross the street and shot the middle finger at a different co-worker.(It's a bit of a joke at work) and went home with a smile on my face.

Was it immature? Oh, you betcha. But seeing that moment where she went completely stiff from hearing my voice? It made me feel better from a control standpoint, I feel like it let her know "You don't control my emotions anymore, I do."

Still gave me a butt load of anxiety though. Lol. Despite feeling empowered, my hands couldn't stop shaking. Sadly, there's no one I can talk to that would even understand this feeling. Hell, my friends and family are seriously tired of hearing me talk about her. So, am I. Lol. But today was the first time my exBPDgf managed to make me smile since Christmas. Lol.

We get no closure. We get no resolution. We get silent treatment. We get pain and heartache. We get smeared. We get painted black. Today felt like a small victory, and all I did was speak.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Dhand77,

It sounds like you really felt empowered at that moment. It's a good feeling, isn't it? Realizing that, as you say, you are responsible for your feeling states, not anyone else. Good on ya!

It's human nature to indulge in some Schadenfreude from time to time. I wouldn't be proud of it, either, but I think you handled the situation in a way that wasn't hurtful or inappropriate.

How are you feeling now?

heartandwhole

[Hadlee]

Was it immature? Oh, you betcha. But seeing that moment where she went completely stiff from hearing my voice? It made me feel better from a control standpoint, I feel like it let her know "You don't control my emotions anymore, I do."

Yeah it is immature, but it feels damn good, doesn't it?   Good on you.  I admit that I did similar things, and it empowered me as well.  And yes... .same as you... .I was anxious at the time.  But, I also felt that I took back my power.  There's something in it that seems to boost our confidence.  Maybe it's being back in control over ourselves and our emotions?

In any case, glad you had a positive experience

[Dhand77]

Hi Dhand77,

It sounds like you really felt empowered at that moment. It's a good feeling, isn't it? Realizing that, as you say, you are responsible for your feeling states, not anyone else. Good on ya!

It's human nature to indulge in some Schadenfreude from time to time. I wouldn't be proud of it, either, but I think you handled the situation in a way that wasn't hurtful or inappropriate.

How are you feeling now?

heartandwhole

Eh, after that I spent the majority of the evening debating if I should break NC and try to make some attempt and bringing about a resolution. Luckily, I held out. Meanwhile, I broke down and peeked at her FB page.

Bad move.

It's all motivational E-cards about how I was a toxic person. That hurt. Here I am, 5 months later, still picking up the pieces and taking it one day at a time. Yet she's the victim. What the heck? She's the one that cheated. She's the one that discarded me. She's the one that smeared me in work. She's the one that stalked me. She's the one that slept with people in the building. She's the one that tried to humiliate me on social media. Yet she's the victim? The level of denial and unaccountability is astounding. She's off prancing around telling everyone how great her life is now, while I'm here trying my hardest to detach and get my "mojo" back, but she's the victim? I feel like I'm being punished just for being dumb enough to fall in love with her.

[Sunfl0wer]

Depending on how you look at it... .

Unfortunately, or rather fortunately:

We all get to have our own reality

[Hadlee]

It's all motivational E-cards about how I was a toxic person.

Did she mention your name?

[Sunfl0wer]

Another way to look at it, is that her posting about you being toxic, is likely evidence of her black/white thinking.  (Not really evidence about your character at all.)

[Dhand77]

It's all motivational E-cards about how I was a toxic person.

Did she mention your name?

No, just a lot of "He" this and "him" that. It's pretty clear it's me that she's referencing.

[Hadlee]

It's all motivational E-cards about how I was a toxic person.

Did she mention your name?

No, just a lot of "He" this and "him" that. It's pretty clear it's me that she's referencing.

All the more reason to be proud of yourself for taking back your power.  Keep moving forward, Dhand77

[C.Stein]

Eh, after that I spent the majority of the evening debating if I should break NC and try to make some attempt and bringing about a resolution. Luckily, I held out. Meanwhile, I broke down and peeked at her FB page.

Bad move.

It's all motivational E-cards about how I was a toxic person. That hurt. Here I am, 5 months later, still picking up the pieces and taking it one day at a time. Yet she's the victim. What the heck? She's the one that cheated. She's the one that discarded me. She's the one that smeared me in work. She's the one that stalked me. She's the one that slept with people in the building. She's the one that tried to humiliate me on social media. Yet she's the victim? The level of denial and unaccountability is astounding. She's off prancing around telling everyone how great her life is now, while I'm here trying my hardest to detach and get my "mojo" back, but she's the victim? I feel like I'm being punished just for being dumb enough to fall in love with her.

I know how hard that must have been to read that.  Even though I know in all likelihood my ex is thinking the same about me, reading it makes it a little too real.  It is so hard to reconcile the complete flip-flop of emotions from your ex.  At one time she loved and adored you ... .now she gives the impression she hates you.  As you probably know she is projecting her internal feelings about herself onto to you.

Try not to let it get to you, if anything think of it as reinforcement that she is not the right person for you.  She just gave you a swift kick in the butt forward with regard to detaching from her, even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment.   

[Dhand77]

Eh, after that I spent the majority of the evening debating if I should break NC and try to make some attempt and bringing about a resolution. Luckily, I held out. Meanwhile, I broke down and peeked at her FB page.

Bad move.

It's all motivational E-cards about how I was a toxic person. That hurt. Here I am, 5 months later, still picking up the pieces and taking it one day at a time. Yet she's the victim. What the heck? She's the one that cheated. She's the one that discarded me. She's the one that smeared me in work. She's the one that stalked me. She's the one that slept with people in the building. She's the one that tried to humiliate me on social media. Yet she's the victim? The level of denial and unaccountability is astounding. She's off prancing around telling everyone how great her life is now, while I'm here trying my hardest to detach and get my "mojo" back, but she's the victim? I feel like I'm being punished just for being dumb enough to fall in love with her.

I know how hard that must have been to read that.  Even though I know in all likelihood my ex is thinking the same about me, reading it makes it a little too real.  It is so hard to reconcile the complete flip-flop of emotions from your ex.  At one time she loved and adored you ... .now she gives the impression she hates you.  As you probably know she is projecting her internal feelings about herself onto to you.

Try not to let it get to you, if anything think of it as reinforcement that she is not the right person for you.  She just gave you a swift kick in the butt forward with regard to detaching from her, even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment.   

It's a real swift kick in the gonads to see something like that. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me a wee bit mad. Well, a lot of mad actually. I heard rumors she was telling lies about me, but to see it plain and clear in the form of e-cards, just annoyed me. I gave this woman the most drama free relationship of her life, and she threw me away for drama. But, that wasn't enough for her, she has to smear my name and reputation too.

I should have ran when her family told me to.

[JerryRG]

Hey Dhand77

I mess with my exgf too, last week when I was eating lunch with my son eating where my exes bf works I wanted to give him my number so if he really wants the "truth" I can inlighten him.

As I waited a few minutes this poor dude was lost, only us here who've had the delight to live with a pwBPD know that state of confusion and fog.

Anyway as long as you're having fun and not really harming anyone I would say enjoy your freedom and walk right up to and past your ex with all the confidence and strength you have. We seriously feared these people? No we didn't fear them, they made us fear ourselves and nothing more.

Take back your life and never bow before any man or woman.

I'm still laughing at your post, good stuff

[Dhand77]

Hey Dhand77

I mess with my exgf too, last week when I was eating lunch with my son eating where my exes bf works I wanted to give him my number so if he really wants the "truth" I can inlighten him.

As I waited a few minutes this poor dude was lost, only us here who've had the delight to live with a pwBPD know that state of confusion and fog.

Anyway as long as you're having fun and not really harming anyone I would say enjoy your freedom and walk right up to and past your ex with all the confidence and strength you have. We seriously feared these people? No we didn't fear them, they made us fear ourselves and nothing more.

Take back your life and never bow before any man or woman.

I'm still laughing at your post, good stuff

Haha. Glad ya got a laugh, Jerry!

I wasn't "actively" trying to mess with her. My problem has been that when I see her, I shut down and go quiet. Kind of like I'm intimidated by her presence. I'm just a little tired of that feeling. I'm trying to be myself, even if I'm near her, and since I'm a sort of loud mouthed skinny dude, she's just gonna have to deal with that.

So, it was more of a "Yeah, I'm gonna be myself, even if you're around" kinda thing. But, I can't lie, I enjoyed the crap out of her "going stiff". Even if it put me in a crappy mood today. :/