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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Women Who Run With the Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola EstA(c)s, Ph.D.  (Read 411 times)
cherryblossom
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« on: June 05, 2016, 11:25:42 AM »

 

Im reading "women who run with the wolves-contactingthe power of the wild woman"- Clarissa Pinkola Estes


It is helping me remember and realise realise whatever manifests in physical world is a reflection of internal psyche.

My BPD ex is a physical manifestation of my internal self destructive complexes -until I get these under control and strengthen my intuition Self love- I will continue to attract this type

I need to conquer my own demons and be aware of my imbalanes - b the powerful directive female that i am capable of being - full time! No more part time focus - i need to b fully awake at all times! Xxx

Powerful read
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Lilyroze
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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2016, 10:02:32 PM »

  Thanks for the recommendation, I bought the book. It just arrived and can't wait to read it tonight.

Have a lovely week ahead.
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cherryblossom
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2016, 08:45:16 AM »

 

That is fantastic news! Makes me happy! Mayb we can discuss our insights here! Still got just over half to read - have a day off 2moz so will get another decent chunk read
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Lilyroze
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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2016, 11:31:56 AM »



That is fantastic news! Makes me happy! Mayb we can discuss our insights here! Still got just over half to read - have a day off 2moz so will get another decent chunk read

Thank you Cherryblossom,

Going through the silent treatment again, and the devaluing or worse it is my fault as I took it wrong the hidden accounts I found. Now need to read, do these things for myself to heal, and be in a better place.

Would love to read and discuss. TY again.
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cherryblossom
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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2016, 12:05:14 PM »

  yes silent treatment is horrible -I was refused a decent chance of closure -leading onto silent treatment -very challenging / painful to deal with -especially as whether I like it or not... .I still love him

yes to healing and learning!
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Skyglass
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« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2016, 03:45:45 PM »

I read this book many years ago and it's great. Very insightful.
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Lilyroze
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« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2016, 03:52:02 PM »

I read this book many years ago and it's great. Very insightful.

  Skyglass,

Love the name! Welcome to the board by the way.  What parts of the book resonated with you or helped you best?

I should be further ahead with it, but sadly put aside for other things right now. Will get started again this evening.
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cherryblossom
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« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2016, 05:11:31 PM »

 

An update on my progress!

I found chapter 2 and 3 very empowering and useful in understanding my self destructive streak and focusing back on my intuition - i want to warn you that chapter 5 and 6 has been difficult I couldnt finish 5 as burst into uncontrollable tears - I really thought the type of union as described in the story was what me and mg ex were creating - i.e loving each other warts and all... .chapter 6 is the ugly duckling story and it is very painful read for me personally... .I feel very much like the ugly duckling - I thought Id finally become a swan when i joined the band and met my ex... .not to be... .Im so tired of not fitting in and forcing myself into boxes i do not fit wherever I go... .I'm tired... .am at sea... .I do not know how to reach the shore... .my therapy is my santuary along with my social plans however apart from this I am totally unclear what my life plan is now, where to live, whether to stay in my job? When to try and meet someone else? I know I need to feed my soul /wild woman. ... .Im facing my pain head on - it's not pretty - I dont know how to reinvent myself from this disaster - although my therapy seems to b revealing to me that my past strategies of aiming and being the best i can be is actually a hindrance as the fall is far when ___ hits fan ... .better to sit with feelings and not run from them, deny them, create a false mask of strength - become an authentically sturdy person... .this book will help - just finding it too painful to read at this moment - will get back to it when feeling less fragile and easily triggered - look forward to responses - and I will post on my progress xxx
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Lilyroze
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« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2016, 12:53:21 PM »

  to you both 

Thanks Cherryblossom for the update and summary so far. Will start this evening.
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cherryblossom
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« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2016, 05:13:38 AM »

Post by Clarissa found on Facebook today:

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

 

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

 

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.

 

Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

 

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails.

 

We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn't you say you were a believer? Didn't you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn't you ask for grace? Don't you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?

 

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.

 

What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

 

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity.

 

Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate.

 

The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.

 

By Clarissa Pinkola Estes

American poet, post-trauma specialist and Jungian psychoanalyst, author of Women Who Run With the Wolves.
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Lilyroze
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« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2016, 07:46:28 PM »

Interesting thanks.

What is a bookshelf but a treasure chest for a curious mind. I try to read 100 books a year as my goal they are usually a mix of professional ( for work), motivational, insight growth or psychology, and many others that call out to me. Reading offers so much insight, growth or just whatever we seek.

This one seems like it will be fulfilling. As usual reading two at once... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)



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