I think he's already found the vulnreable girl to replace me. Suspiciously liking all her photos, she lives nearby and put a photo up of his favourite place saying she's grateful to the new ppl entering her lifev :'(
I shouldn't be jealous as he just can't sustain relationships, I was ready to give him anything and it wasn't enough. He fell in love with me, he seemed genuine, he drove 3 hours just to apologise the first time he hurt me. I'm cutting contact as I think I deserve better but I feel so hurt and a fool. I obviously don't deserve happiness like I felt these past few months
You know, I can understand how it feels when someone you love deeply betrays your trust. I also felt like a fool for believing and trusting in my ex, and you know what, it was so very easy to believe in her. She is a genuinely good person when her "dark side" isn't controlling her. I fell deeply in love with that good person and I trusted her in spite of the many times she gave me reason not to. The thing I have struggled with the most
Raspberry is accepting my ex for who she is as a whole, both her good and dark side as one person. I have had such a hard time convincing myself that she did the things she did that tore me apart. I convinced myself over and over again to give her the benefit of the doubt, that she could be trusted. When she ripped that away from me with a long term deception for the most petty and selfish reason I was crushed. Everything I had convinced myself was true, everything that I had built my entire relationship on with her, got blown apart in an instant.
The thing is, I think the biggest reason I feel like a fool is because I let her do it in a round about way. I had boundaries in place and did enforced them but there were others I let her cross because I just got tired of defending them. That is on me, that is my fault.
She seemed so sincere with her words yet her actions didn't back up what she was saying. That is what it all comes down to ... .actions ... .and they truly do speak louder than words. But even more important the very foundation of every relationship is
respect and she showed me time and time again she had little respect for me. As hard as it is and as much as it hurts, turning your back on someone who has little to no respect for you does not make you a bad person or a fool. It does however show your strength of character in that you respect and believe
in yourself enough to not allow someone to continue to treat you like this. For this you should feel proud of yourself and your strength to put an end to the disrespect!
The thing about the happiness with your pwBPD is this. It was both real and not real ... .and most certainly
not sustainable! What you deserve, what we all deserve is healthy love and happiness. To find someone who
complements us and enriches our lives. Someone who will always treat us with honesty, love, caring and respect ... .someone we can always trust will conduct themselves with honor and integrity. These things are many times out of reach for a person who suffers from BPD and this is one of the things that is so very hard to come to terms with. That idealization period is soo amazing we are willing to overlook almost any transgression, making excuse after excuse for them in our own minds. We fail to measure them against their actions and we continue to hold onto to the fantasy because it seemed so real to us!
Raspberry ... .you deserve
real happiness! I deserve
real happiness! We all deserve
real happiness!
I highly recommend you stay away from checking up on him. It leads to nothing but pain and it is hard enough to deal with the pain we already feel without piling more on. You have shown so much strength already! I believe in you and your ability to make it though this dark time. It will get better, you will gain clarity and hope again.
