BPD Relationship ending

[xyz2]

Hi,

My now recent ex=girlfriend w/ BPD (w narcissism) appeared to be looking for new supply behind by back while stringing me along due to the fact about a month and a half I told her we needed to go to counseling together (actually an expert treating BPD, not a marriage counselor). Although I have never told my ex-girlfriend she had BPD. Well a week and a half ago she came over to my house and we talked and I told her I loved her and this is important for us and we are worth it to go see someone (and she had agreed a couple times previously but always then picked a fight that same day and that priority went away), she agreed to go see someone. We had relations. The next day when we talked it didn't go smoothly and not terribly bad, that evening she went out with someone else. She admitted it later that evening and made a bunch of excuses and texted the nastiest things and said all these made twisted facts that I had heard so much before. She even confuses events that happened in her marriage with us now. I have been told by a psychologist friend that this happens with these people.

So is this pretty common, to be strung along all the while looking for new supply? This happened two years ago to us with the exact same weekend, memorial day weekend. That didn't work out and she contacted me three months later and I took her back, yes i realize that was one of many mistakes I made.

[steelwork]

I don't know if it's common, but it happened to me. In my case, he told me he was trying to move on. Kept coming and going, maintaining the attachment, until he got with someone else. Then, blammo, hello Mr. Hyde.

Question: does it matter to you whether it's a common BPD behavior? If so, why? Would you feel different knowing the experience was uncommon?

[heartandwhole]

Hi xyz2



I'm sorry to hear that things have broken down with your ex-girlfriend. The behavior you describe is painful and can be very hard to understand. I'm glad you decided to post, because you've found a great place to get advice and learn tools to feel better. You are definitely not alone. I was also very confused by pwBPD's changeable affection in my relationship.

How long were you two together in total, xyz2? Are you communicating right now? How are you feeling?

Keep writing and tell us more of your story. We're here to support you.

heartandwhole

[Ahoy]

Hello XYZ!

Firstly I commend you for trying to get your ex into therapy. In my own experience, I thought my ex had PTSD (from her own admissions) and even in the midst of a terrible meltdown, she kept evading the subject of therapy or counseling. I can definitely empathize with your frustration.

Unfortunately BPD's fear abandonment above all else. It is a common theme for current partners be discarded AFTER a new source (boyfriend) is obtained. Sometimes current partners are not even discarded as the pwBPD needs validation from multiple sources to sooth their emotions.

People much smarter than I talk about us non's sometimes becoming like parent figures to our partners, someone to take on all the responsibilities while they can go out and 'have fun' (adulterous relationships) My wife cheated on me at least twice but I get the feeling she wasn't planning on discarding me, she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. When I ended things, her current 'side-partner' became my replacement.

Like heartandwhole says, feel free to tell us your story, there are some great users on this website who would love to analyze your relationship and give you positive feedback =)

[Rayban]

Hey XYZ welcome to the boards!

In my experience, my exBPDgf seems to be aware of her condition (just by some of the terms she would use) but never admitted to being BPD. She did admit to being hospitalized on two occasions, vaguely saying she suffered nervous breakdowns, and severe anxiety attacks. During the relationship, At one point, we got into an argument, where I pointed out that she needed some help controlling her abnormal behaviors. To this day, I still remember the look on her face ... .pure evil. She knew I was on to her, and that's when she began painting me black.

In her case, I don't think she wants to change. She's in a position with many enablers, including me at the time. People especially her father, is around to bail her out each and every time she derails. Her narcissistic side, makes her believe that she is superior all others are just to be used to meet her needs. Painted black for me, was her unceasing her verbal abuse and putdowns, she had no shame in showing her sudden disdain for me. I don't have proof, but I'm sure she at least one replacement lined up.


@Ahoy

Sometimes current partners are not even discarded as the pwBPD needs validation from multiple sources to sooth their emotions.

This sums up my situation, Seeing how she acts at work, flirting with multiple people, I have no doubt she is spinning many plates. She has never completely discarded me, and has been persistent in her recycles. She needs me in the rotation, to be that steady figure, say even parental. I'm beginning to realize I was a normalcy prop for her. Someone with a good job, apartment car, etc. In the meantime God knows who she decides to be with, when she wasn't with me,.